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Nengajo or Mochyuu? 2012/11/17 03:40
I was planning to send Nengajo to a few Japanese friends this year. However, my father-in-law passed away in October of this year (and my friends are aware of this). Would I be causing offense by still sending Nengajo instead of Mochyuu?
by TIinPA  

Re: Nengajo or Mochyuu? 2012/11/17 10:28
Hello)
This case sends 100% MOCHOU if you are Japanese.

And We do not send NENGAJOU to person of MOCHOU.

If you obey Japanese custom, I think that MOCHOU is best.
by kaikuu (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Nengajo or Mochyuu? 2012/11/17 10:30
* mochuu r
by kaikuu (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Nengajo or Mochyuu? 2012/11/17 10:47
I'm sorry for your loss.

In Japanese manner, you can't send Nengajo.
Because Nengajo means "letter celebrating the New Year" but you can't rejoice with your broken heart.
The story goes so.

That's just in Japanese manner.
In this case, can a foreigner send Nengajo?
I'm unsure, I can't recommend but maybe it's according to receiver...

BTW, Mochu is to tell "I can't Nenga, so please send me Nengajo",
so you must send Mochu soon, if you will send it.
by ajapaneseboy rate this post as useful

Re: Nengajo or Mochyuu? 2012/11/17 10:48
Thanks, since I'm American I wasn't sure what the proper thing to do would be in my case.
by TIinPA rate this post as useful

Re: Nengajo or Mochyuu? 2012/11/17 14:23
Things are changing nowadays.

In the first place, the idea of mochu is that the family of the deceased (in this case the OP) would typically be too sad to send happy greetings or to celebrate anything or to do anything active as to write loads of greeting cards.

But in reality, some people prefer to keep themselves busy or to do something they would normally do each year or to receive greeting cards from friends, even in moments of grief. Due to this background a lot of Japanese people, including older people, send nengajo even when their close ones had passed away.

How do they do this then? The following are typical procedures I know of.

1) Tell close friends and relatives in advance that you are sending nengajo and that you are expecting negajo from them as well. To people of whom you are more formal with, just send a mochu card.

2) Just do everything as you do every year which is to send nengajo. The recipients might be surprized and express that to you. Then you can explain your ideas.

3) Explain your ideas on your nengajo as you send them just as you would each year.

4) Don't send nengajo, but send season's greeting cards during Christmas season.

Either way, the most important thing is to make sure the closest to the deceased (in this case the OP's mother-in-law and OP's spouse) are comfortable about this. You can either talk to them directly or keep it all a tight secret. Typically, the family might be chatting over tea and come up with the conversation, "Hey, we're sending mochu cards this year instead of negajo, right?" "Oh, no, no. That's bull. You all do whatever you like." or something like that.

And when you do chose to send negajo, typically you would seek a more modest design than usual. You can say the same thing about sending greetings to those who have lost their close ones lately.

By the way, I am Japanese, and my parents, in-laws and some of my friends do send nengajo even when their parents, siblings or in-laws had passed away.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

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