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Convincing girlfriend to move to Japan 2012/12/5 04:53
I've been with my girlfriend for about two year, and I love her a lot. Now, I've been self-studying Japanese, watching JP channels, reading Japanese books, etc. Basically, I'm addicted to Japan. I want to move there after I finish my studies. I also plan on doing an exchange and an internship in Japan, in university. After that, I want to immigrate there.

My girlfriend, though, really likes where we live and wouldn't want to move at all. She is also a bit younger than me. Basically, I want to be able to convince her because neither moving to Japan and being with her is more important than each other. She also REALLY doesn't see herself learning another language, especially Japanese.

I really don't plan on leaving her as she is the only person that loves, knows and understands me like that.

How can I convince her to move? :(
by Haru (guest)  

Re: Convincing girlfriend to move to Japan 2012/12/5 13:09
The only thing you can do is try to get her interested in Japan as well, but don't be pushy as she will only get annoyed if all you ever talk about is Japan related stuff and how wonderful it would be to move here.

You sound very young, so I would suggest you first make a trip to Japan and see with your own eyes if you would actually wanna live here for a longer period of time. Maybe if it's just a trip your girlfriend would be interested to come with you as well.

But, if she has no interest herself in moving away from home then there's nothing you can do to convince her. If she's just doing it in order to save the relationship, she'll probably hate Japan. Being far away from home, away from friends and family and not speaking the local language will make her feel very isolated, and eventually it will destroy your relationship.

So if your wish to move to Japan makes up such a dominant part of your life that you can't give it up for the sake of your relationship, you will have to choose between Japan and your girlfriend sooner or later. If one of you makes a huge sacrifice for the other (like her moving to Japan for you, or you staying at home for her) it will create a big unbalance in your relationship that will likely result in a bad break-up sooner or later.

By all means try to get her interested in Japan, but if she tells you she's sick of you trying to get her into it, you have to accept that. In that case all you can do is decide what is more important to you.
Still I would like to advise you to try living and working here for a few months first (maybe as an intern), so you can experience Japanese working culture, before making any rushed decisions. Basically Japan is a great country to visit as a tourist, but living and working here is a completely different matter. Don't sacrifice a great relationship if you don't know what you're getting yourself into.
by taya (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Convincing girlfriend to move to Japan 2012/12/5 13:23
Thank you so much for your answer!

To be honest, I think I've already annoyed her with Japan. I should probably back off just a bit.

Regarding the sacrifice, she told me that she really wants to go there and live for two-three months. Maybe that could be my chance, after having went there for an exchange or internship beforehand, to convince her to come back after she finishes studying.

About studying, she wants to be a lawyer. Look at her bad language learning skills, that would most likely not be a possibility in Japan. (I bet you'd need to be an amazing speaker in order to be a lawyer in Japan)

I'm not even sure how she'd get a visa if she has a law school diploma, but won't work in law in Japan.

Finally, she told me: "I don't mind if you go and live in Japan after your studies, because I'm sure we'll work something out, like we always do!" She also added that when the time comes, I may be able to change her mind.

I'm not sure if she really meant it, or if she wanted me to stop talking about Japan, but I really hope I can convince her.

Thanks again for you reply! Waiting for some more people to give their thoughts. ^_^
by Haru (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Convincing girlfriend to move to Japan 2012/12/6 00:48
taya did a great job of summing up pretty much everything I would have said, and so of course I agree with that.

What I will add is that towards the end of your last post it seemed like your GF may at least be open to it sometime down the line. I don't know which country you are living in at the moment, but if they have the option in your country, maybe a working holiday visa would be a good idea?

If you get a working holiday visa, then it will allow you to live and work in Japan for up to a year. That sounds perfect as it's not a long time commitment for either you or your GF, and if it turns out living in Japan really isn't for either of you, then it's only been a short time out of your lives. And of course after spending that year in Japan, maybe your GF will fall in love with the country and be happy to stay their longer if you should so choose.

Just a suggestion anyway, and I wish you both the best of luck and happiness regardless of your decision(s) : )
by Oyaji (guest) rate this post as useful

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