Divorce with Kids in Japan

Hi,

I'm an American man living in Tokyo and going through a divorce with my Japanese wife. And on top of that we have a 2yo son.

Just a little background: I've been in Japan for eight years and been married for four.

Children always go to the mother in Japan in cases of divorce. My wife is not a bad person, we are just not compatable together (I would have rather stayed together for the sake of our son but she is adament on divorce).

With my work schedule it would be impossible for me to see my son durring the week but my wife says I can have him on the weekends. I guess my concern is that once we get divorced I will legally loose custody of my son and if my wife has a change of heart, she could deny me visitation.

I'm well aware of the dangers and I have heard countless stories of foreign fathers loosing their children in Japan.

My family has suggested that I book the next flight back to the states with my son and never come back to Japan because "Japan is a safe-haven for child abduction and foreign parents have no legal rights."

I'm not sure that I want to do that because, as i said earlier, my wife is not a bad person.

I would like to hear from other people who have been in my situation and have gone through divorce in Japan with children. I don't want to hear horror stories of fathers loosing their children to their Japanese wife. I would like to hear from people who have come to amicable agreements with their ex-spouses in regards to their children in Japan.

Was it difficult not seeing your kids everyday? Do you have any regrets?

My family has suggested that I book the next flight back to the states with my son and never come back to Japan because "Japan is a safe-haven for child abduction and foreign parents have no legal rights."

Without getting into the thorny discussion on whether Japan is a safe haven for child abduction, I want to clarify that foreign parents do have legal rights in custody hearings in Japan, and it is not true that the children always go to the mother (although in your case that will probably be the situation).

Definitely consider that if you do flee, the US is NOT a safe haven for fleeing parents and you risk having your child forcibly returned to Japan while also turning a potentially amicable divorce into a guaranteed bitter one. In other words, should they be sent back to Japan (and the chances are considerably high) then you would likely lose all further contact with them.

I'm not sure that I want to do that because, as i said earlier, my wife is not a bad person.

Best case scenario, you maintain a good relationship with your soon to be ex as the alternatives are unacceptable to everyone involved, especially your child.