Meaningful translation

Hey all, my name is showtime and I have a phrase I would greatly appreciate if somebody out there can help translate this phrase.

" Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars."

I understand that this won't be translated word for word verbatim but I'd like the general feeling of this phrase be understood to a certain somebody. It's quite a deep phrase to me. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance

Show time

Hmm.... Meaning of each part may be understood via word-for-word transmission, but it does not transmit the general feeling. This phrase sounds like a lesson in a bible, which may go in Japanese as "Nanji...." ("Nanji" is an archaic word for the singular you.)

"Mushi-suru" is a Japanese word for the verb "ignore" but can mean strong negative action. In the above phrase, "ignore a person" include "fail to pay attention to words of a person" so it may be better to translate "never ignore a person" like "Listen (carefully) to (words of)."

It is difficult to convey in a simple Japanese expression the meaning of the English verb "miss" as in this phrase. "Taisestu-ni omou" is not a counterpart but may fit the context.

NOT: word-for-word transmission
BUT: word-for-word translation

I see. Well I guess word for word translation would be best. I know it's quite difficult to convey this sort of feeling but if there is a general feeling we can come across with this phrase to let somebody understand that would be great.

Just for reference, although I'm unsure if my understanding of English is correct.

Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you.
あなたを愛し、あなたを気遣い、あなたを大切に思う人を無碍にしてはならない。
anata wo aishi, anata wo kizukai, anata wo taisetsu-ni-omou hito wo muge ni shite wa naranai.
Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize
なぜならある日、あなたは眠りから目覚め、そして気づくかもしれない、
nazenara aruhi anata wa nemuri kara mezame, soshite kizuku kamo shirenai,
that you lost the moon while counting the stars.
星を数えている間に月を失っていたことを。
hoshi wo kazoete-iru ma/aida ni tsuki wo ushinatteita koto wo.

I think "might...realize" is "気づくのだろう" is cool but too overemphasize?

I love translatese like this.
But my friends often say "It's hard to read".
As omotenashi said, Japanese have no mode of expression such like this.

BTW, if "あなたはあなたの眠りから目覚めてそして", I had read many old translated Japanese version, I love them!(lol

ajapaneseboy, that's a wonderful translation and it looks directly translated. I can understand where Japanese people would have a hard time understand this kind of phrase. And Japanese don't often convey this kind of feeling. Do you think there is a way to convey this feeling in a different manner? It doesn't have to be direct translation but convey the same concept.

Here's a little background of reason for this phrase

When you are around someone so long who loves you it is easy to take them for granted. One of the many challenges of a relationship is keeping it fresh, and not taking for granted that you are in one. In order to do this we must show how much we love one another everyday, forgetting to do so will simply lead a relationship to its demise.

There are many things you can do to show someone how much you appreciate and love them. Maybe try taking them to a place you might not like going so much, but know that they will enjoy. Simply showing your lover affection at a time when you usually don't will also show how much you appreciate them, maybe a simple hug if you don't hug much, or maybe sending flowers to their work may earn you some extra brownie points, and maybe even a tad bit extra. In order to counteract the mundaneness that seeps into any relationship over a period of time, it is best to be spontaneous and loving, even when you don't want to be. In fact doing things when you don't want to do them is probably the best time!

Showtime,

I can translate this. But usually, a guy who ignores a person who he loves, cares for and misses, don't appreciate romantic phrases like these.

If you're trying to make this guy hate you, or if you're trying to write a line for a fiction, I can give you the perfect phrase. If you love this guy and wants his attention, I should be careful when making my translations.

Perhaps you'd like to give me some more background.

Uco: hello, thank you for responding. Im greatful and ecstatic that you are helping me. I scour through the forums and noticed you seem to be quite the person. Always such a big help to those of us in need. Well funny thing is this phrase is actually for a girl. As I'm the guy wanting to convey this phrase to someone. If at all possible I would be quite interested in having all the different translation you mentioned in your previous post.

I would love to give you full details or at least a bit more information on why I want this phrase translated in my next post in a few hours or so. Where I'm at now is time for me sleep. Im letting you I read your post and will respond on a timely manner. So please take your time. No rush.

Thanks

Oh, gosh, this is a famous quote, writer currently unknown. Rule number one in making translations: Study the background. I Googled a part of the phrase and easily found out that it's a quote.

That's a totally different story, then. A quote needs to be translated like a quote and needs to be presented as a quote. In other words, it needs to be presented like the ajapaneseboy's translation, so that it can be adapted in many situations.

You can present it and then add words like, "Dude, it means you gotta know what's important, okay?" but you can't change the words of a quote.

And it's nothing that Japanese people don't have. "Le Petit Prince" was a best-seller in Japanese, too. There's also phrases like 木を見て森を見ず or 灯台下暗し that's practically the same thing. The following is something I found on the internet. Just for reference.
http://tksxtmk.exblog.jp/12372473/

Uco: yes, as you know through searching, this is quite a famous quote. ajapanese did a wonderful job translating it and keeping it true to form. However, if the average Japanese person were to read it translated directly it wouldn't captivate them the same way as it would for someone reading it in English.(at least for a native English speaker) I understand you can't change the words in the quote and that you can add your own "flare" to it but I'd love if there was a way to convey this feeling in Japanese without sacrificing the signifance behind this quote. I want the person reading it to get some same general feeling I would get while I'm reading it in English as they would in Japanese.

木を見て森を見ず or 灯台下暗し I'm aware of these as it describes the idea well. But it doesn't captivate the reader.(or maybe it's just me)

I just want the person to know that "I've done a lot for you, don't take me for granted. Stop relying on these external factors because I'm here"

I've taken a look at the page for reference as well. It helps.

Thanks

Sorry, my posted may be to be misunderstood for non-Japanese speakers.
I think my transtation is typical and not so bad Japanese, and it's a nice poem/phrase even in Japanese.
And I think many Japanese can understand and admire it.
But VERY strictly speaking, it's not VERY fluent Japanese.
As omotenashi said, it's A LITTLE formal/strained like a bible.
I wanted to say that.

And I think the poet is required to translate with original feeling/moving/touching directly?
Sorry, it's beyond my ability.

ajapaneseboy: I think you did a fantastic job translating it into Japanese there is no doubt about it. You did a great job and I'm thankful for it. I feel if a Japanese person were to read it they would admire and understand what's being said but the deeper understanding of what the phrase really means might not be completely understood.

You did a wonderful job and I think to convey a feeling similar to that in English would be difficult to do.

Thanks for your feedback and help with the translation.

Showtime,

My goal is always to let readers of two different languages feel exactly the same way. For example, if I were to translate a joke, I would make up a completely different joke just to make both readers laugh at the same time.

I also read both English and Japanese in a native speaker's manner. I learned English naturally while living in an English-speaking country, and I studied English literature and Japanese literature roughly at the same time.

And yet, I don't think ajapaneseboy's translation can be misunderstood any more than its original English passage. You might have a different interpretation of it, but that's not the same as misunderstandings.

Anyway, I don't really agree with the latter part of your post as of 2013/1/29 13:28. You are free to feel that way, but I don't think that it's necessarily what everyone else must do. So I'm afraid I don't have anything else to say about this thread.