Dear visitor, if you know the answer to this question, please post it. Thank you!

Note that this thread has not been updated in a long time, and its content might not be up-to-date anymore.

Page 1 of 3: Posts 1 - 20 of 47
1 2 3

going dutch 2004/12/9 13:24
Recently, I went out for dinner with a Japanese guy i thought might be interested in me. After dinner, he went to the cashier to pay the bill. When I offered to pay for my half of the bill, he accepted my money. I was shocked!
Maybe I'm spoiled and pampered back home cause when I go out with guys (even just normal friends) they would pick the tab even when I offer to pay my share (which I truly intend to).
So what does this mean? Have I read the signs wrong? It was like the dinner was a costly elaborate one. And he was the one who invited me.
How about some thoughts on this.
by Clueless  

Dutch Auciton 2004/12/10 01:19
No offense...Either he's cheap or he's pretending that he likes you.
by Laubowski rate this post as useful

Wait 2004/12/10 02:25
Or maybe he thought taking your offer literally was a good idea. I've heard that some Japanese think that American women are very independent and would be offended by old-school gentleman behavior.
by SSM rate this post as useful

sincerity 2004/12/10 03:56
If you offer to go dutch, you should be prepared to go dutch. The real question is, why were you shocked?
by Tilt rate this post as useful

clueless 2004/12/10 04:02
If he asked you out to go out to dinner with him (a date) he should have paid for it.
If it was "let's go eat" type of thing than that explains why you offered to pay your portion.
But either way he is too cheap for something he should have paid for you know...
by cc rate this post as useful

Confusion, maybe? 2004/12/10 05:49
I believe it is not uncommon for young Japanese to split the bill. A young Japanese friend told me that she prefered to date "older" guys as they usually pay for dinner and everything while the young guys like to split even on dates. :-)

But in your situation I think you might have confused him by offering to pay. If he hasn't dated many non-Japanese girls before, he might have assumed that it was normal to split the bill and realizing that he was about the commit a faux-pas, he only paid for himself. This mixed cutlural thing can be very difficult and he might have appeared cool, but his brain was probably making overtime.

In other words, IMHO, if you like the guy, just continue and have fun. Don't read too much into it.
by Kappa rate this post as useful

sincerity 2004/12/10 08:07
correction: It should have been "it wasn't like the meal was expensive." It was cheap, even by Japanese standard.

I was prepared to pay or I won't have offered. I was shocked because like I said, I thought he was interested, and to me, by going dutch, he seems to be signalling that I've misread the signs. No?
by Clueless rate this post as useful

illiterate is best 2004/12/10 10:22
I agree with Kappa. Don't read into it too much. By shock, do you mean that if he paid for both of you that would mean that he likes you?
And by splitting, he's not interested? Maybe, but again,
I would go that far.

Money makes all situations awkward (sp).
by m rate this post as useful

Umm 2004/12/10 10:31
If someone was interested in you, he would pay, and if not, he wouldn't?? That's too easy a distinction, isn't it? :)

I think what SSM and Kappa said is very true, many young Japanese couples seems to split even on dates, and some Japanese male might think that he might offend you if they don't accept YOUR offer.

The same, by the way, easy distinction might have been working in his brain as well, if the woman was interested in him, she'll let him take care of the bill, if she thought him just a "buddy," she'd rather pay for her meal... so my view is, in the end, if I were in your shoes, either way I wouldn't read too much into it. Just see if you like him or not :)
by AK rate this post as useful

clueless 2004/12/10 11:13
I won't waste a time on a guy who can't even pay for a cheap meal.
The guys in Japan these days should know how to treat a woman, am I wrong?
It's good to keep all sides on this. Never know what's going through his mind.
by cc rate this post as useful

LOL cc ^_^ 2004/12/10 18:18
I won't waste a time on a guy who can't even pay for a cheap meal. That was funny, cc. ^_^

By the same reasoning you'll allow that guy to assume: "Since I paid for dinner, she'll have to put out; where is the nearest love hotel." ^_^;;

There is probably more to the guy Clueless wants to date than him splitting the bill.
by Kappa rate this post as useful

Interesting 2004/12/10 18:31
Don't you all find it quite interesting what a topic this has brought up? I mean, a guy is offered to have half the meal he is about to pay for payed for, and he accepts. This causes the girl who offered it to doubt that the man indeed has feelings for her. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure most girls would wonder the same thing, but doesn't it really make you wonder about how scary money really is? It can destroy people with their greed for it, and (as we've seen here) it can wreck a chance at a possible relationship. Sorry, just thought I'd get a little political.
by Derek rate this post as useful

"kui-nige" 2004/12/10 19:34
That's how guys call girls who get paid for meals but don't agree to have sex..."eat and run" ;p
by Uco rate this post as useful

hello 2004/12/11 02:56
Seemed to me the guy is a kid who can't put out small change to pay for a cheap meal.
She needs a man with yen.
So my advise is to pass up this cheap person (probably need more time to mature and save money) and look for somebody better, mature and experienced.
by cc rate this post as useful

well cc 2004/12/11 04:44
It seems that dating is equated with freeloading in your mind. Charming.

by Tilt rate this post as useful

clueless 2004/12/11 04:50
If you talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk.

if you want to be treated like an equal, you have to act like an equal.
by Tilt rate this post as useful

buddies 2004/12/11 07:26
What's wrong with buying your friend a meal?
The problem here is you guys always seperate the two sexes.
You think a woman should put out if a man takes her out to a dinner date? He isn't a man if that's what he expects to get in return. Only immature guys would think that way because they don't have the money to spare in the first place. You want something go get a hooker.
by cc rate this post as useful

cc, read your own posts 2004/12/11 10:37
There is nothing wrong with a buddy treating a buddy to dinner, nor is there anything wrong with treating a romantic partner or even a potential romantic partner to dinner. But expecting to be treated because you are a girl, or you think someone is interested in you , and ditching someone because he hasn't enough cash to treat you is really pathetic.
by Tilt rate this post as useful

tilt 2004/12/11 12:15
Smart guys know how to win a woman's heart. Being cheap is not one of the methods used. lol
Don't be so cheap, Tilt.
Buy her a cup of tea or something at least. And maybe a stick of gum would start up a good friendship. You can afford that much, right?
by cc rate this post as useful

pretty funny, cc 2004/12/11 12:47
Your assumptions are amusing.

Why does a guy have to buy your time?
by Tilt rate this post as useful

Page 1 of 3: Posts 1 - 20 of 47
1 2 3

reply to this thread