third date rule

I heard that the third date is "special" in japan. It's the date where people look like couples?

America is quite different... where the "rule" is having sex on the third date (which i would never abide by). But I was wondering about this third date rule in Japan.


Also, there's the word 好き. I know what it means. But the way it gets translated in dramas and anime is always "love".

In English "to like" is only "to like" as in friends and crushes and "love" is a different field. Is there no distinction in 好き? Even though 大好き exists, I rarely hear it used in dramas. And even more rare is 愛してる. So I guess I'm wondering why do they use 好き to say "I love you" not "I like you"?

I didnt no there was a 3rd date rule.. i went on a 3rd date last monday with a japanese friend i met, but i didnt know how to explain things to her as such as we both clicked...

but i never talk about it on here as i dont find Japanese women being much diff from women from my country tbh..

Miyuki,


Also, there's the word 好き. I know what it means. But the way it gets translated in dramas and anime is always "love".
In English "to like" is only "to like" as in friends and crushes and "love" is a different field. Is there no distinction in 好き? Even though 大好き exists, I rarely hear it used in dramas. And even more rare is 愛してる. So I guess I'm wondering why do they use 好き to say "I love you" not "I like you"?

Already answered a million times here and elsewhere in all the "Aishiteru/I love you" threads.

I heard from a Japanese friend that the third date is when they actually start to look like couples.

I've never heard of the 3rd date rule (theory?) either. On the contrary, I keep seeing posts on the Japanese internet about men and women who'd go out together dozens of times but never consider themselves as "couples", just because they haven't done their kokuhaku (confess their love).

Uco, there's a confession??

I don't mean to generalize the Japanese... especially since I'm living in Tokyo now, which might as well be a culture of it's own. I'm just interested in these kinds of things.

Miyuki,

Yes. Any further questions?

To be fair on the American side, as an American myself, I've never done or heard of this 3rd date rule in America.

I'm a Japanese female, and I have never heard of the theory.
I'm sure it depends on people, but having sex at the 3rd time date sounds bit too rush.

As a woman, I would like to know at least he is serious about the relationship
and hear that he loves me, before sex.

I have heard that we can see if he is interested in being more than friends at 3rd date,
so probably your friend meant that, not only about having sex.

More than 3dates, and she is not sure if he likes her or not makes her feel uneasy -
but I think it is only for women over late 20's who don't want to waste time to find a "right" guy.
(And of course it depends on indivisuals)

Probably that is enough to show that you are interested in her as more than just a friend,
and tell her "Suki".

Can you elaborate on this this "kokuhaku"? Who, what, when and why? Sorry if this has come up somewhere else before.

Here's the deal.

Suppose I have feelings for a guy, and suppose he asks me out or I ask him out and we start going to places, just the two of us.

There has to be a point where one of us confess our love to the other party. So for example, unless I say "suki desu" to him or unless he says "suki desu" to me, we're not supposed to be certain about each other's feelings.

And unless one of us says "tsukiatte kudasai (let's go steady)" and the other says "yes", you can't say we're going steady, even if we go to the movies or the beach or a bar a hundred times.

Don't ask me why, because personally I never followed this rule. For me, dating always gradually began, and before we knew it we were going steady. We just knew it in our hearts that we're going steady and no one said anything like "Let's go steady". But a lot of people seem to believe AND practice the rule I mentioned at the beginning.

It's sometimes funny though. You read an internet post from a nervous girl who is waiting and waiting and waiting for the guy to say "tsukiatte kudasai", but sometimes you can sense from her explanation that the guy already thinks he's going steady with the girl and just never bothered to say it out loud.

My wife is Japanese and said basically they don't really use the words "i love you" because it's not the culture. They say I like you as you know. Only recently most Japanese have been saying I love you because they are becoming more cultured and learning more english. Therefor the phrase I love you is becoming more acceptable.

sukidesu = I'm in love with you.

"I love you." In Japanese, "love" is "ai （愛）," and the verb form "to love" is "aisuru （愛する）." "I love you" can be literally translated as "aishite imasu （愛しています）". "Aishiteru （愛してる）," "aishiteru yo （愛してるよ）" or "aishiteru wa (愛してるわ, female speech)" is normally used in conversation. However, the Japanese don't say "I love you" as often as Western people do, because of cultural differences. I am not surprised if some Japanese say that they have never used these expressions in their life.

read this article written about the language
http://japanese.about.com/library/weekly/aa021101a.htm

I was mostly confused on the English translation of 好き. Because in most contexts, it's used as "i like" not "i love".

Then when you confess your love, it turns into "i love you"?? It's just that in English, when we confess our love, "like" and "love" are far apart on the scale. You say "I love you" when you mean it and "I like you" only means "i've been crushing on you"

So do the Japanese not have this context?

Also, is there a different feeling between あなたのことが好きです　and あなたが好きです?

Japanese doesn't have that kind of context.

We use the word “すき”for the both "like" and "love" in English.
The reason is expressing directly the feeling is not much our culture. But even we use the same word "すき" for the both of those English words, depending on the context of the conversation or to whom refering the word, its meaning does change a lot, also can be "love".

In fact, many Japanese people say the word "あいしてる”is kind of too much sometimes.

And I would say there is not much difference between"あなたのことがすき" and "あなたがすき". If you think about the grammar, you might see the first one a just bit more indirect though.

But anyway if you want to express more "love" in the Japanese style, "だいすき"or someting like that with an adverb before "すき" will serve.

↑　I've just posted the message but now I see another Miyuki is here before me.

I'm new here. Just in case, not for you to confuse with the messages.

but this is my real name

maybe I should use my kanji name from now on to not confuse anyone...

unless you have the same kanji too???

深雪

I am Japanese American, which explains my lack of understanding of my heritage. Sorry for the trouble.

Only recently most Japanese have been saying I love you because they are becoming more cultured and learning more english. Therefor the phrase I love you is becoming more acceptable.

I totally agree with what you say, but saying 'I love you' does not necessarily mean that you are 'cultured'. Sorry for picking up a rather insignificant part of your claim - I am aware that you know this.

I think he just misused the word. It appears in another post of his elsewhere in the same erroneous context.