My wife and I just celebrated our 2nd anniversary. It has been an extraordinary, wonderful, exciting, transformational, and very challenging time. We have a beautiful son who is just over 1 1/2 years old. He is an absolute joy for both of us. My wife became unexpectedly (honestly) pregnant, we married (in Japan), she moved to the US, she gave birth to our son, and our lives hasn't stopped their crazy pace since. We didn't know each other very well, nor much about each other's culture, so (consequently) we are learning a lot from and about each other. My wife has had a tough time walking into my (unprepared) life that had some unhealthy aspects and relationships. She was very patient initially, as well as compromised by her minimal english and my virtually non-existant japanese. She has survived and is an excellent and devoted mother to our son. That she is still with me is a testament to her devotion to me and our family, but she is very unhappy. I have made many changes (that I believe have been to my benefit and not against my true self) and am willing to make more. Some of my character aspects and habits haven't changed quickly. Some may never. I have tried to continue to be myself, and be open to changing into better aspects of myself so I can be even more self-realized and (hopefully) a good father and husband. My wife admits to feeling depressed and desiring some counseling (unavailable here in japanese). She complains often about American aggressiveness (from others and sometimes me), American cultural inconsiderateness, and events that happenned in our past for which she suffered greatly. I believe I can understand why she would feel that way, but it's not realistic. I have great regret for some of my past choices, words, and ideas. I cannot change the past, but I have taken note of my mistakes and try not to repeat them. Always I have done my very best in an intense and enormously challenging (because of so much change so fast) situation. She sincerely acknowledges that. I am concerned for her personal happiness, mental & physical health, and for our family's future. We go to Japan twice a year. She goes longer to have some alone time. It helps her to be there and around her friends and family. I enjoy it immensely, and it is great for our son. I don't feel I could comfortably live there year round. My wife says the same for herself. Ideally, our lives are split between the 2 countries. We have managed this so far. My wife hasn't (in my opinion) made great effort to learn english, make american friends (she gravitates towards other japanese women), nor to integrate. This idea is based on my own past experiences living in other countries and how I embraced (or didn't) the other culture and learned (or didn't) their language. I feel at a loss sometimes as to how to be a supportive husband that helps her to feel comfortable, free to be herself, and safe to explore. She sometimes becomes extremely angry with me (it isn't always understood by me, except that I have disrespected or ''pushed'' her too much) and she won't want to talk or be close to me for days. This is very painful, as I love her and wish to be happily together with our son. Of course, she has legitimate reasons to feel displeasure sometimes, but the tenuous feeling of our relationship (that she may return to Japan and be happier without me & how about our son?) is very stressful and sometimes discouraging. I believe my own mental health was questionable (from life circumstances)at our beginning, but I am concerned it is sufferring greatly from this situation. I am very focused on my wife & son. I wish very much for us all to be together and happy. I don't feel to give up & am very determined to do my very best to help make this work. I see hope sometimes, but other times I wonder. There is a lot unsaid, but these are the general circimstances. I'm asking for help to bridge the cultural differences influencing our situation. How can I be a good (or better) husband to my japanese wife?
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