Peter, I'm a bit confused by the exact nature of a haiku. I always thought that it was supposed to be three lines or phrases of 5, 7, and 5 syllables each in that order - a total of 17 syllables altogether. But when I read haiku by Basho, Buson and Issa, I find that they aren't necessarily following that pattern.
For example: Basho:
A caterpillar, (5)
this deep in fall - (4)
still not a butterfly. (6)
Or Buson writing about a deer:
It cried three times, (4)
the deer, (2)
then silence. (3)
And finally Issa, who I like for his humor:
The snail gets up (4)
and goes to bed (4)
with very little fuss. (6)
For more about the structure of Haiku:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HaikuThis is a long way of saying that although I'm not an expert at Haiku meter, I do love language and the way it can be used to sensitively and imaginatively express ideas - and I've long admired your natural gift for playing with language and your willingness to share that gift with the rest of us.
You and your "Gimpy" deer have a lot in common with Buson - and that's meant to be a sincere compliment from me to you.
From Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata," my holiday non-Haiku mantra:
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
Peace. joy, and good health to all during this holiday season and into the New Year.