Discretion needed for women couple?

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

You are in a foreign country, with different social rules and etiquette and I think it's common sense to try and follow them, instead of igoring them.

I mean, it's just about PDA, surely hand-holding while in public can be done for 7 days, while cuddling+kissing and more is restricted to your private room.

You say people are upset with you. Why do you suppose that is ?

You asked for advice, received it, said you understood it, but continue to want to
" make the judgements ourselves".

So you don't get it. You are so into yourselves and what you want to do that you
disregard the good advise you have been given.

Admit it, there is a obvious agenda here and you were hoping for validation, didn't receive it, and continue to want to justify
your public displays that don't cut it in Japan. What really is it that you don't understand ?

Anyway everything is a go and we are all set with the arrangements. Yippee!

Not to worry, we are not animals during a mating season. Happen to be 2 very nice, very cute women and so far things have always worked out well.

Hope this closes off the thread. Bye.

" so far things have worked out well"

Hun.. for who ? you haven't been there yet !

We are not "worried about you" its not about you. Its about having respct for the people on the street in the country you are about to visit. No there not going to yell at you for being vulgar, they will walk away disgusted in silence while you "relax and be spontaneous."

Yippee, were off to do our thing regardless of what others think or what impression we leave, after all its our vacation. They'll just have to deal with it.

Is that just about right ? Oops, you closed off the thread because you didn't want to hear the truth. Have a nice day. Think about it.

The biggest problem if you act like you would at home is how it will affect the Japanese public's view of future foreign tourists. It's not fair of you to ignore everyone's advice to "tone it down" in public (which, for a week, should be easy enough), and give foreign tourists a bad reputation which will impact on other people travelling in the future, even if they are willing to respect Japan's culture. Be sensible and respectful, please. This is not specifically about you being gay, but about public displays of affection in general. Even a straight couple would need to hold back. The initial posters did not mean any offence and gave good advice, which you preceded to ignore. It is not about what you want to behave, but how you should. How would you feel if tourists visited your country and blatantly ignored social niceties and did what they felt like? You would start to judge other tourists in the same way.

It puzzles me when people ask for advice and pointedly ignore it... why ask.

I saw a heterosexual couple PDAing between Starbucks and the trainlines on the Southern Terrace at Shinjuku yesterday. There weren't many people about but I think I was probably the only one who did a double take.

Another anecdote which isn't particularly relevant, I was in Ameyoko the other night and one of the Turkish guys at a kebab shop was hectoring a transvestite for being "okashii".. I called him on it, but I should have been more emphatic. One of the nice things about Tokyo is people have a large tolerance for difference in the public sphere.

I seem to get quite a lot of repeat notifications here. Is there a bug?

I believe I said we will keep it to the minimum on my part. I believe there must be some middle ground here somewhere to still be respectful if it is required and still make us happy.

No unfortunately there is no middle ground.
If you have a Japanese friend, you an him can mediate and find middle ground. But if it is you meeting the whole of Japanese culture (by coming here), it is only up to you to adapt. Japanese culture is not going to change for you.

It's not even about PDA per se, more about observing what happens around you and making a bit of an effort to blend in smoothly rather than sticking out.

I am Italian and quite the affectionate type, but I can tell you that when NOBODY ever touches in public, it just feels a bit weird to be the only one doing it. I do hold hands with my boyfriend and he also thinks that is ok (he is Japanese), but we really leave it at that, with me giving him the occasional peck on the cheek, which I know is already "too much".

And in general... Japanese culture is very very very different to what we are used to in Europe and America. We go around with our big egos, thinking that "being ourselves" and "sticking up for ourselves" and so on and so forth, are positive values. Here, not so much. The person who can blend in without creating disturbance to others is considered more mature, as they have everybody's well being as a guideline for their behaviour, rather than their wants and needs.

Watch what happens and try do the same. If every body is quiet, don't be loud. If everybody stands to left on the escaletor, don't go to the right. Be kind, and try not to have too many specific needs (e.g. when ordering).

It's an effort, sometimes it's a big effort. It can be frustrating or suffocating. But I believe it's worth it, because you'll manage to discover more about the country and the culture. It's fascinating and it will open your mind!
Enjoy!!!

I am a European male and I have always been bothered by the young European couples that go purposely overboard with their very public smooching.
I feel that they are taunting everyone else, as if their youth was giving them the right to annoy other people.

I am not a prude..but there is a place and time for everything. On a public nude beach,as one finds in many European places, I go nude.
On the street I am dressed properly and don't lock lips for even 1 minute, much less 30 minutes.

You girls are beyond rude. You are extremely obnoxious...

To be fully honest - apart from rural areas I would expect you will have no problems at all in Japan. I've even seen a male JR attendant dressed in the females uniform once.

It's also very common for females to travel together and share the same room in Japan, so this will not raise any eyebrows.

As mentioned before, more overt PDA's should be kept to a minimum but I'd say this for everyone.

Holding hands should not be a problem in the major cities - with raised eyebrows more likely to occur from tourists than locals.

Japanese tend to leave you alone unless you are doing something which is quite wrong. As such - I'd say you have very little to worry about travelling to Japan, specifically if your only here for 7 days...

Far from being "unhealthy," a clear separation of public and private spheres is a necessary, though certainly not sufficient, condition in protecting civil liberties. Which is why all advanced societies have it and repressive third-world societies don't. If not for the separation of church and state, for instance, gays would have been persecuted in Christian world. I do think there are many flaws in Japan, but the strong separation of public and private is not one of them.

A quick peck or a hug or handholding probably wouldn't be bad, since you're foreigners. Making out however, no.

We won't be stressing too much about this so thanks everyone for your comments.

Really it not that hard to hold on romantic affection in public. It okay to hold hand and cuddling in public. If you really need more than that, then go to nearest hotel or bathroom to do that! Tokyo do have love hotel in Tokyo and you should try that. Just enjoy your trip and respect their country. I visited Japan and my girlfriend is Japanese. We do hold hand most of time and sometime cuddle in public. We kiss in hotel or in private place. It no issue to me and there is so much to do and see in Japan, so kissing can wait.

No issue on gay, straight, whatever, but the honest answer here is no, not really.
Foreigners and a minority uncouth Japanese frequently indulge in anti-social behaviour that breaks cultural norms and is unpleasant for others. Talking loudly, using cell 'phones where prohibited, walking while eating/drinking/smoking, eating hot, stinky food on commuter trains, urinating in public, as well as over the top gropey displays of affection etc. etc. It's fairly rare from Japanese outside Kansai cities, but still something you see on a daily basis. On the other hand almost all foreigners break some convention that they are ignorant of and display what is perceived as poor manners and some uptight Japanese people look down on them. But here's the rub, it probably doesn't matter to you: you are unlikely to be treated any differently; you might get stared at, but you could be unaware of this. For a short visit, you can choose to behave as you wish and just trample over the sensibilities of the Japanese. But if you're bothering to ask this question, then probably you care enough to moderate your behaviour.