Wedding invitations?

I am getting married in Nagoya, in a compleatly Japanese ceremony.

Please check this link. Pay close attention to the part marked 'Fee'. Am I making this up?

http://www.maruai.co.jp/pri/image/lea002.gif

I have never, ever mentioned people giving us presents. Seems that some of the people responding don't have the abillity to read, but rather read what thay want to read in order to pick a fight. Uco rather gives himself away by describing himself as a Japanese national who has lived in Japan for a certain amount of time. So not Japanese, then. However, I have talked to many Japanese (real Japanese), who have always lived in Japan. No-one has a problem with it. My nationality has nothing to do with anything. We are mearly following Japanese tradition. Not my fiances family's tradition, but Japanese tradition in general. The fact is, go to a Japanese wedding, you give money rather than presents. Simple as that.


More proof,

http://www.maruai.co.jp/pri/image/sak002.gif

Ian, first of all, I'm not trying to pick a fight. I purely congratulate you and was just concerned that someone might be doing something to embarass themselves without even knowing it, but as I mentioned earlier, I was relieved to know that all your folks was happy with your decision.

Second, the format you're talking about is of a "kai-hi-sei" party where there is a fixed fee (and I've written about this kind of party in my initial post, the 4th post from the top).

Your example from the link suggests that ALL guest pay exactly 10000 yen no more no less at the entrance. ENVELOPES AREN'T REQUIRED, gifts aren't required, any sort of "go-shuugi" gift money is not required, and usually, guest books aren't required.

As I mentioned in my 2nd post as of Sept 16, I think it's a convenient and less formal way of celebrating your wedding.

Btw, I am a Japanese woman who spent her high school years in Nagoya and (coincidentally) married a man from the city.

Ian, perhaps you've already found this, but here is another link that even states it more clearly, so that it would help your guests.
http://www.stepup-jp.com/invitation/invi_text.htm

Please scroll half way down to number 7. It says that "since this gathering requires a fixed fee, you need not bother to bring gifts and such" (please change this to a better translation if you're going to use it!)

Just wanting to help.

The cash contribution come courtesy of persons, and is not the membership fee. So, a honeymoon couple should never press the wedding partygoer for payment. And maybe it shows quintessential example of our Japanese's delicate ambiguity.
http://www5.ocn.ne.jp/~msgr/gift/kekkon.htm
Is a wedding party the customary way or the fee system,,,it's a problem of individual values of a honeymoon couple.

I have read all off the responses to the question with great interest. A wedding is a wedding and customs and culture are as they are. This is ther year 2005 and many Japanese people now get married by western standards but also incorporating SOME Japanese traditions.

I had the honour in 2000 of attending my 1994 Japaneses host daughters wedding and also had the honour of walking her down the isle - western style. My main concern was that she had told me years earlier that she would have to pay for my wife and I to come from Australia as is the Japanese custom. She was also well aware of my the Aussie custom in that I pay my own way. I ended up winning on paying the airfare and her now husband cancelled my acommodation, payed for and upgraded our accomadation.

The wedding couple also took the steps of asking all guests not to pay money or bring gifts as would have to recipicate with gifts in return to a percentage value of the amount given and personally deliver then to the the wedding guests as is the custom.

The point I'm trying to make is that it is your wedding and you and your wifes family need to decide on how it should be done.

I think your daughters made a very wise choice.
In past times, I also had written a similar content in wedding invitations. Young people at the time wanted to be breaking down all of old forms. I tried a small resistance, too, but it was beaten quite easily in a society where the form of things always matters. At this distance in time, it's a good memories.

If I may, I'd like to ask you a questions about the wedding out of curiosity.
What meaning does the wedding have in your country who has tradition of individualism?

If it is the tradition of weddings in Australia you are asking about, then the custom is that who ever you invite to the wedding must pay their own way to the wedding irrespective of where they have to travel from and as far as a pesent is concerned, it is appreciated however not expected by the wedding couple.

Thank you for the clear answer about traditional modalities for burden in wedding expenses.
Your answer is helpful to me. But,...
I'm sorry that there has been a misunderstandings that might have arisen by my careless expression. As you know, I don't speak any English.

What I would like to ask was the reason why persons do the wedding and the wedding reception which invite other persons. That meaning or reason in your country who has the tradition of individualism is a matter of deep interest to me.

At Japan, the wedding and the wedding reception include special meanings. of course, it's a primary reason that the attendance congratulate on the start of a wedding couple.
But, at the same time, it's the place that the couple pays courtesy to persons whom may help new couple on the future. And the attendance will appraise new couple thoughtfully on whether to be worthy of persons' support. Maybe it means we have general characterization of the externalism and collective orientation. Perhaps the instinct of a social defense remains in the basis.

I can never thank you enough.

Ian, are you paying for your wedding, or is your bride and your bride's family paying for it?

Hi Ian,

I think I understand what's going on now, or maybe I don't.

1. It's in Nagoya! You have to do a good job at a wedding in Nagoya, it's famous for weddings!:)
2. It's not the wedding itself that you are asking a fee for, but a kind of party.

I was thinking of the kekkon hiroba where you give a gift of cash and you receive a huge bag from the wedding couple. At those it's unspoken and unmentioned how much someone should give as a gift, but most Japanese are aware of the fact that the couple has gone to a great expense to throw the party and give gifts, and most Japanese seem to know that they should give a certain amount already.

This seems to be a different setup, kind of a participation fee to an event/party, in which case, charging a fee is fine and normal. The one wedding I went to in Nagoya was a different setup from normal, but it was more of a reception than a party if you get my meaning.

I apologize for my limited knowledge, I'd never heard of such a thing before, but apparantly it's fairly common. Does anyone know if this is a newer phenomenon, or has this been going on for a long time? I could find nothing about it in my Japanese etiquette books.

Kyarinchan wrote;
-Does anyone know if this is a newer phenomenon, or has this been going on for a long time?

This has been going on for at least more than 2 decades. As I mentioned before, it's usually held after the formal reception, but nowadays weddings tend to become more simple, therefore more couples do this instead of the reception.

We are paying for the wedding. Traditionally, people would be give (without being asked) 20,000 to 30,000 when they attended a wedding. Out of deference for our western attendes, we decidied to ask for much less. The main reason we want to write an amount on the invitations is to let our Japanese guests know they don't have to give us so much. As I have said previously, we will not ask for anything from our family, or those travelling from abroad. Also, we will give our guests presents, not the other way around. Cross cultural marriages are hard, and we are just trying to find our way around the minefield of cultural problems.

I hope you now realise that I'm not some selfish, evil man trying to exploit family and friends. Especially my Gradparents, as they are all dead. There is no way the gifts we greatfully recieve will cover the cost of our wedding, being payed for compleatly by us. Maybe you should think before making hurtful, uninformed comments in future.

Yes! congrats on your wedding. Your posts were mis leading to many people, but I accept this and NO you are not the selfish jerk I thought you were. Since you explained yourself in your last post. Good luck and best wishes.

It's normal for wedding party attendees to give a cash "gift" to help offset the cost of the party.

It's odd to some foreigners as it's expected friends should get a FREE ride. In Japan, it's opposite. Friends are expected to help the new couple out a little

Backwardsfish
"It's odd to some foreigners as it's expected friends should get a FREE ride."

As far as I know, in most foreign countries, people give items as gifts instead of cash. Even in Japan, you either give items or cash.

Congratulations Ian! I'm not sure if my suggestion would help any but perhaps rather than mentioning it out on the invitation, you can spread the word through your grouping of friends and family verbally.

What we and many of our friends did for our wedding was enlist the help of our close friends to spread the word. Since we had pods of friends from different circles and friends, we sort of let either the "leader of the group" or a few people in each circle know that we preferred cash over gifts.

Some people might think this is tacky but our friends helped us out dearly by not mentioning this request came directly from us but said that this was their "suggestion". If it's your close friends, I don't see how this could be uncomfortable to broach. People tend to talk amongst themselves before the wedding to see whatother people are packaging for the bride and groom so this has been quite successful and it avoids the whole situation of tactfully having to write it in the invitation.

Anyhow omedeto! All the stress and hard work is worth it! Mind you I'd never want to do it again...hahaha

This foreigner would like to osay that the " tradition" for guests to give money instead of gifts is actually quite common in many cultures around the world. In pretty much every culture too nowadays the future married couple don't really want gifts that may be expensive but useless!! it has been the custom in the past 30-40 years in Western Europe for the couple to announce on the weddings invitations..well in advance.. that such and such store has a gift list for the couple. I can remember my mom and I running all over town to find a very specific gift for a picky bride. Close friends often get together to buy a very expensive gift, for example living room furniture, that they know the couple needs and really wants but is afraid to put on a gift list. And finally I do believe that all the guests, even foreigners, should be told of the ustoms ,whatever they are. They can always choose not to go to the wedding. Myself I would gladly send a gift certificate from a big store to a couple rather than attending the wedding, as I absolutely and totally hate weddings.
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Whether it is a Western or a Japanese way, a wedding invitation already suggests a gift. Asking for one on top of it is impolite and greedy at the best.

Hi there
i'm half Japanese, but grow up in malaysia and migrated to Australia for 15 years now. I'm getting marry in Oct this year, i 'm thinking to send out the wedding invitation card in traditional Japanese style. I have done so much search and thinking to get some traditional invitation card idea, but couldn't find any. Please advice.
Thank you
Carrie