Is this common in japanese culture?

"As far as I can see you did all the right things to be welcoming and friendly from a US culture point of view" that could be part of the problem...

The first name basis and in your face "friendliness" of North Americans (Canadians are somewhat the same) can be unsettling and even terrifying to newcomers from other cultures (including Europe, not just Japan) that are used to keep their distances and privacy with people, especially when they don't know them that well.

Where I come from, other kids and teachers, neighbours call you by your family name, not your first name. Later on co-workers also call you by your family name, and you do the same to them.

Between adult strangers sir, lady, young man, young lady etc. do just fine...
We call older people, from store owners to to co-workers and bosses Mr X, Mrs Y etc. not just when we first meet them but for years afterwards. .

First names are only for relatives and very close friends (your own parents will call you by your family name if they aren't happy with something you did, or didn't do)

After over 30 years in North America I am still not comfortable at all being called by my first name...I solved that by asking people to use my first name initials only...(remember JR in Dallas?)

Frankly I am not interested in knowing the first name of a total stranger that I may never see again...

Enlightening and brutally frank there MS. (Sorry but so could not resist.)

It is a real culture difference at the heart of many misunderstandings and it begins with the person who travels to meet other cultures but has no intention of adapting to such. There is nothing you can do but be true to the culture of the land you are in as much as possible. Unless you really want a life swimming against the tide.

Iris you did everything you could to be welcoming as your culture defines it. If anyone in this story is being rude it is your ex room mate for not trying to adapt to her surroundings.

I don't think telling "I don't think you like me" only after being a roommate for just 1 week is nothing to do with US culture. You need to know some relationships take longer time than some others to be built. Your roommate pwehaps sensed you were pressuring her and that's the reason she wanted to keep disctance from you. Are you really that insecure with other people?

I had a roommate that I really did not like. If she had suggested that I did not like her, I would not have confirmed it, as it would not help the situation, it just would have made her feel worse.

Japanese tend to want even more harmony. If you explain something and then ask them if they understood, many will say yes even though the did NOT understand. They don't want you to feel bad because you explained so poorly.

Never ask Japanese either-or questions where one of the answer options might cause you to lose face. Because they will usually answer in such a way that you don't lose face, even if it isn't the truth. The result is the Japanese person just feels uncomfortable and you learn nothing.

''There is nothing you can do but be true to the culture of the land you are in as much as possible''
Willau..You are right but when you first come to a country you don't know how to react at first and you can't be blamed. It takes a while to understand how things work..

All the cultures I have experienced in several continents have many points in common. But not everything in a given culture is admirable and we have the right to not accept these aspects of that culture.

I know quite a few persons, born and raised in North America, that do not like being called by their first name or asked for it at a first meeting...They dislike immensely servers that greet them with ''hi folks! my name is.....'' or total strangers that call them ''buddy''..

I just moved to Japan and I think I can understand her a bit. My japanese is not so good and the japanese people around don't know much english, though they try to be very helpful. Even so, I'm kinda avoiding them. I have another person from my country around and I feel so much better being with her, especially since there are so many new things to adapt to. Though, not thanking you for helping her is a little rude if you ask me...

Maybe she just doesn't want to be friends? I mean, just because you are roommates, doesn't mean you are entitled to friendship from her. Hell , I lived with a lovely Taiwanese girl for over a year, but we rarely spoke. When we did, it was always friendly and we sometimes went grocery shopping together. But apart from that, we had our own separate friends and our own separate interests.

Don't take it to heart. I doubt she hates you. She might just prefer hanging out with other people. That's just how people are. We connect with some, and don't connect with others.

i am the sister of the op and apparently her roomate can't stand me. according to her friend, i talk about boys too much, i'm negative, and i've mentioned racism in japan which offends her because she is not a racist. it has also offended her friends within the dormitory. she has a fit when i visit my sister because i don't pay "the dorm fees" (i never spend the night). and her friends (who are both boys and both have girlfriends) are practically scared of me because i leaned on on of them when i was too drunk to walk. but i do not have an interest in any of them. in fact, i got pretty pissed off that one of the guys told me to never visit the dorm until the girl moves out, and i've decided to write him off on facebook and in reality. maybe it's rash, but this roomate is causing so much distress it's crazy. i actually can't wait for her to move out! i am trying soooo hard to make japanese friends at this school, but like my sister said, they are pushing us away. i have never been invited to a party and they never ask me to hang out with them. i am not sure if it's racial (estamos negras y latinas) but i hope its not, because i'm going to japan this summer for an entire month. but i have never in my life met a roomate of my sister's who has disliked me this much (she even texts my sis to ask me if i am in the room!). i am definitely staying away from that dormitory. these japanese students are making things pretty stressful for me, but then again i'm the easily stressed out type.

I don't know why but the latest post reminds me of Cinderella 's 2 step sisters...

Op and lynn are way overdue to exam themselves why your behaviors are pushing people away. Besides Japanese exchange students, what kind of friends do you have if any? Probably you are not in those Japanese students' league.

I wasn't going to contribute again but the really anti op backlash here is strange. This is both a culture thing and a personality thing I think. OP and Lynn sound to me like they speak as they find and 'shoot from the hip'. This is so much the reverse of the Japanese way that is normally discussed on this site to be a real opposing cultural difference. There could also be an extreame personality clash here which is only being spoken of from one side.

To aliken the two sisters to cinderellas sisters is harsh MS.

Lynn and sis. You tried way too hard motivated by a nationality. You will find being unrestrained and in your face with people scares folk off. Certainly where cultures are so different. Again the when in Rome rule applies esp if you are going to Japan. When meeting other cultures in your own country just tone your own ways down in relation to the culture you are trying to meet. Best advice i can give via this site.