My japanese husband

If it was me i'd have left my (future) wife (i haven't even a girl heh) to buy to her the most expensive things. As for me the cheapest!

Anyway, this is my way of doing:

She deserves everything, i deserve nothing -_- ... :)

Damn, i wanna go in Japan... i have not even seen a possibility. If i won't go how i can make my dream true? Only by going there :(

Fury and nerves rapresenting my sadness conquer on me... :-(

Oh, and with my moneys. Anyway i am a person who believes that when two get married the moneys they have, fuse theirselves.

My own husband is often distant when he comes home. Here is the really hard part - I often get home from my job later than he does. It sounds silly and old fashioned, but no matter how tired I am, I give him a hug and a bit of a back scratch while I tell him how much I love him. Then I can talk about my day, and he is a lot more likely to listen.
Any man will warm up to that. If he doesn't, then you may need to start thinking about your options.

Sharon

can you give me some tips of how after 20years of marriage we while on holiday would like to get blessed we are both british white. many thanks for your time dave

This thread KIND OF confirms my fears, about cultural differences.


I would definitely not want to marry a Japanese woman who would go to the extent of taking the child away from me. It is heart breaking.

Of if the husband/wife decides to give the cold-treatment, but most likely from the husband i would imagine, since this is a well known phenomenon for Japanese guys.



I don't abound by any culture or weird believes myself, I don't give a damn about these things. Love should conquer all and is about happiness. God bless me that I will find a wife who thinks along the same lines...

I wonder can we make a man sign a paper stating that he should be responsible for everything in marrige and if divorced he should support kids?

To be honest, I am a little shocked at everyone's response and the cultural barriers surrounding these issues.

My feelings are as follows: because you don't work I don't believe you can be stingy about what you do and do not recieve. If you guys are tight on money I think it should first be taken from your alloted allowance and then he takes from his spending. I would say if you loved him you wouldn't be so willing to accept so much money for such a long period of time and rather spend a great deal of time finding a job: there's more than just waitressing and teaching English. If I was someone in that situation who had to mooch so much I would feel rather humiliated.

Sure it's ideal for both parties in a marriage to be workng, but do not forget it is a marriage! From the moment you said I do you are fused as one and share most everything. It's not that she isn't trying. If the situation was so bad and they were that tight on money, I think he would have let her work at the bar. You cannot take precedence over your wife or husband just because one is having a hard time finding a job. Especially when that person is living in a foreign country where you are not fluent in the mother tongue.That's rediculous. Whatever happened to supporting eachother; financially and mentally. Being equals? While It's only polite to put yourself last if you yourself don't have an income, there's no reason you have to go without (unless the situation is dire) and a loving and supportive husband or wife would know that and follow through.

Japanese customs are good and serve a purpose. Political correctness is BS, whether in Japan, or anywhere else. A husband and wife are equal partners, but have different, and distinct roles. I am American, my wife is Japanese. I have been giving my paycheck to her for over 40 years, she manages the daily family finances. The man should support the family, this includes all children he is responsible for. The woman should not have to work! I know in some cases a wife must also work. Any man that would deny his wife things that he himself enjoys is not a man. The needs of the family should be placed first.

I would think it prudent to establish how financial tight you are. It is important to know the husband's salary in this case and see if his reluctance to part with some money for his wife is due to financial constraint or simple selfishness. He is either being thrifty or stingy. Also, knowing how much he is earning can also make it clear if the wife really needs to work in a bar to earn a decent living for the family. Not many men wants the wife to work in a bar, rich or poor.

It is also important to know how he treats you in general. He may be just stingy or he can be downright selfish.

If you are so called "equals" then make some money. I don't understand how being married and making the main split his cash makes equality an equilibrium. You're whining about not getting your designer/brand name goods. Use your own money; suffer, or work for you.

You made no mention of how hard you are trying to find a job and how long you have been unemployed. I would be more sympathetic if you mentioned some of this, but you just appear to be whining about not getting what you want.

Phil, you are making it sound as if it's easy to find a job as a foreigner with no qualifications, not to mention not even knowing the language. With no qualifications there are limits as to what one can do for work. Most of those things will, I guarantee, need atleast near fluency. Give the woman a break. I'm in no means assuming to know all the facts, but these are things I've drawn from her post and simple common sense. It is not going to be easy for her to get a job, and her husband shouldn't deprive her of the little things just because she can't find a job, which is hard enough to come by. Especially if he's going to be picky about where she works. Also, in my opinion, the husband's cash is no longer just his. It belongs to the whole family. Really, I'd be surprised if most married couples didn't have joint bank accounts. I mean hell, my boyfriend and I are living together and have a joint bank account. Works out quite well. My money is his and his is mine. When it comes to any large pruchases we check with the other before making the purchase. Seriously, it's all about support, compromise, love, equality, trust and communication. Sure couples can go along with seperate accounts, but to me, it's a sign of a lack of trust between the couple.

My answer depends on how long she has been in the country and been seriously looking for a job.

This is one thing I'm really worried about...
Is it customary for only the husbands to work and the wives to stay at home? I know the wives/mothers often stay home and do 'huge' amounts of work, but is this true in the majority of families?
I'm an African-American woman and I've been considering permenently moving to Japan in the future. I've been there before and I really love Jguys, but the whole "traditional Japanese marriage" concept has always scared me. I've heard many horror stories of Western Women who could not conform to the standards because in our point of view, some concepts may be demeaning or make us feel dependent. So...is this really as wide-spread as it seems, and do Japanese men expect this from Western Women?

I mean...I'd like to hear at lease one story about a Japanese husband being more open and trying to mix both his and his wives cultures.

Before marriage, open both eyes. After marriage, close one eye.

You may be too sensitive and too concern about what your husband thinking about U. Be yourself! Get a proper job and establish your career. Enjoy spending and enjoy life, also you can share the financial burden with your husband. I am sure he will be appreciated that. Even i work, my Japanese husband to ask me how much i spend for this and that. With a smile, i tell him that he will never know because they are my all little secrets. If i need to buy big things that i cannot hide or very expensive, i will negotiate with him for my purchase i will offer to buy him something he really wants. I can understand how frustrate to communicate with Japanese husband as they are nicer to their friends instead of their wives. They basically don't like to talk at home. If you need to know more about why Japanese men act like this, you should communicate with his good male friends. As no one is perfect, if you love your husband, you will try to communicate and understand him more. If you are exhausted and getting sick of the relationship, i think you should walk away.

actually, this is common in all marriages, but for Japanese you see if you date back to war time, people made it a habit to scrimp and save all that they could, and this transitioned over int the generations, not all japanese are like this just few. Marriage is based on sharing yes true, but also cultural diferences also paly apart it is said that both should understand each other dispositions, which is a very important factor, i know i'm late with posting but, if you like, there are many sites on the net that can help improve your nihongo(japanese) even in japan there are book stores where those that are gaijin(foreiners) can learn the language. Yes women do need some comodities as things for the hair , but maybe your husband sees it as useless or point less. But do not worry things will look up, don't worry so much miss. I hope all is well and that you will find your liberation. Not all Japanese men are this way,also remeber the upbringing of ones home also platys important roles on how his or her life will be impacted aswell. Also you don't have to be married to a japanese men to have this sort of issue it's common in all cultures.

:::: At first , my impression about this web page,
1 I admired how people reply kindly, thoughtfully.
2 Your question sound cute , because, you seems using only 300$ and you wonder if it is ok to let him pay it.

:::: If my future wife will think like that,
maybe I would feel, woooow cuuute girl. hahahha.
and tell her, ''rely on me''.
and I give her kiss.
hahahahah

:::: I know something about USA peple life.
I know something about japanese life.
it is very different and actually, it seems, each person different.

:::: If you are wife of him, this is 1 way of what you can do.
tell him, heeeeeeey my dear, I want this, buy it for me.
if he say ok, tell him, thank youuu (give kiss).
if he say no, tell him, common I need it x 10 times. hahahaha
(of course it depend on what kind of beautiful heart wife you want to be.)

:::: I think, after marriage, 2 person is 1 (in many way hahahahah).
It is like right foot and left foot.
if right foot and left foot share and help each other,
maybe they will be very happy.

:::: some important thing is maybe, talk kindly, honestly each other.
do not play with other boy. (this can be deadly important maybe even if you are at argue)

:::: sometimes it depend on his financial situation.
but, m m m m if you are his wife, your husband can not make you live bad.
m m mm how to say, if you have child, you have to take care the child no matter your salary.
it is like that. he have to take care his cute wife. ha ha ha.

I think the lady who started the question is a victim of bullying. She is already in a tight budget and she tries her best to work on temp jobs like babysitting to help her home finances. Still her husband is so strict....
She should be free to work if she wants to, and she should n't ask her husband if he allows it or not. He should be supportive to her decisions.
The normal in japan is for the husband to give all his salary to his wife and she takes care of everything, bills, savings, investments, and she gives her husband the allowance he needs for lunch, beer with colleagues, and any hobbies he has. Other than that she is the one responsible for the budget.
Most housewives I know try to save half the salary to a savings account and the other half they take care of everything else.

The normal in japan is for the husband to give all his salary to his wife

is this really true????

I never knew that! I thought it's always been the other way around....