Making friends/dating/ culture shock?

Yeah, that's why I thought it was funny about someone discovering this thread and asking me about it, because I learned Japan isn't like that at all, and it depends on where you go and what you're doing. I played blues guitar with a band in clubs all across Tokyo and met tons of amazing, approachable people. And in Kyoto, if you smile at someone or wave, or talk to someone, they were excited / happy that you made the attempt to even speak Japanese. It just gives you a new philosophy about how "Tokyo" is Tokyo, and Japan is everywhere else. My friends from NY would say "Yeah, we don't sit there on the E train and smile at each other man." You DO have to be in circles though to make solid friendships and meet people. "Nanpa" is not easy to do unless you're in the right place, and it's "in the rules" of the area you're in, or else just like here some girl is gonna think you're a creep hitting on her.

But i'll say brotha', you gotta be one charming motherf**er to be able to pull a number from a girl working at WEGO in Harajuku or whatever, if that's what you're "into".

Personally, I met my g/f in my CLASS at Waseda University, (boring, right? but circles nonetheless) and it was the greatest. Very deep. And all my friend I met playing music (circle) or in the student lounges / clubs at Waseda (circle).

Hope that was helpful. Peace. :)

Lives are a good way to meet people I've found ^-^; I have no idea if it's the same for non-visual bands, but usually there's a series of bands on in one night. So just ask the person next to you which band that just played was...and get into a conversation about which bands you like/dislike/styles you like, etc ^-^. The main fans for each band move up the front for when the band they like is playing, so if you talk to them they'll know a lot about the bands you like (but are sometimes scary to approach as they're such diehard fans so approaching people consistently around the middle row or something is generally good ^-^) and also just approach ones who are looking at you for being a foreigner and ask them a question - once you've broken the staring competition, they usually want to talk :P.

As a female japanese living in japan, i've found gaijin in general to be a little scary, especially men. In general they are more outgoing and friendly, and sometimes that comes off as being very forward.

Perhaps if you made one close japanese friend (male) with similar interests, you could meet more people.

if you want to learn japanese do NOT make friends with gaijin, i did this the first time i moved here (half australian) at 12 and i was here for three years and never learnt japanese.

Places to meet people include : Roppongi,some places are designed for japanese interested in gaijin to meet-tokyo, play your band in Shinjuku, or even places like Dotonbori (osaka)

unfortunaltey you either find women who love gaijin men or women who are wary and stick to japanese men.

Unless you are considered a japanese even by other japanese, and it will take many many years for this to happen, you will always be considered a gaijin which means japanese will only be interested in getting to know you for the novelty. When your gaijin novelty wears off they will discard you.

until you immerse yourself in the culture and understand their humour and consider _yourself_ japanese you wont be comfortable.

You're at Waseda? You like jazz? head to the jazz cafes man! They're all over the place round there! Just read lots of signs, and don't try too hard to meet people - japs may be freaked a bit if you are too forward. however Japanese musicians will likely be keen to try to start a band with a white guy. Join a club at the university, talk to other gaijins and they may well be able to introduce you to mroe people etc.

good luck

I don't know why posting advice is even relevent at this point because the original poster started this thread over three years ago.

Is sixties... whatever his name is still in Japan anymore???

He did say he would stay for a "1 year stint(?)" then I guess take the masters course. I'm sure he's made friends by now...hopefully..

I believe that attitiude to gaijin in Japan is quite normal. I'm from Poland and I sometimes see how people react when they pass by a black people. Suprised, astonished, "for god sake I hope he won't do anything to me" - the same thing may be with western people in Japan. We are different from them and they cannot "predict" our behaviour.

Younger people are often more friendly... Thanks to this page I started writing with Japanese high school student. We are in contact for over 2 years, few times in a week we email each other, talking on skype, in summer I was able to met her and it was my best time during holidays in Japan. We started to communicate more when I haven't been so shy using Japanese. I think Japanese people even if they do know English, they are much more relieved when they can speak Japanese with gaijin. And a hobby isn't matter there - she is studying music in which I am completely not interested.

The ideal situation is when you are in Japan for more than few years. It takes time to get know culture which is completety different from our's one. Culture is connected with people so much that I am sure we won't understood them in 100% for a long time ;)

In train - simple - when I am going back home from school/work talking or smiling to strangers is the last thing I am thinking of...

Culture shock isn't just for a gaijin coming to Tokyo. In my early teens I lived in a biggish town in Europe and my parents lived and worked in a village 60 km away. One of my buddies in the village-I went there on weekends and school holidays-- was a tough muscular guy who knew how to hunt, fish, ride horses etc. One day my dad took him to town to meet me for shopping. All day long he hold my hand tight, absolutely terrified by all the cars, buses, the crowds. Using an elevator and an escalator for the very first time freaked him out! I have lived in many countries and towns and my experience is that looking frantically for friends and love in a brand new town doesn't work at all! I guess one get a desperate look that scare people away! One must concentrate on work or studies, exploring the new town/country, going to movies, museums, cafes, gyms etc. without the intention of meeting someone.It can be tough to be alone for months but one must learn to be contented in life without depending on another person..and then one day people will become friendly, open up etc.

you're on one of the best sites on the internet to make new japanese friends.

so while the original poster is probably long gone back to his home country, anyone else reading this should just use this site to make friends.

a word about tokyo: tokyo people are COLD. they are not friendly. if you go to other areas of japan you will make friends much faster. that being said, it's still possible to make friends in tokyo. this site is the easiest way. people on this site are looking for friends. the other way is by teaching private english lessons; most of your students will become your friend at some point, or they can introduce you to some of their friends as well.

The thing about Tokyo is true - maybe they are more used to see gaijins on the street... Actually Tokyo wasn't very friendly to me but I can compare it only to Kyoto where even elementary schoolboys or buddist monks said to me 'hello'

About people introduced by your penpal - it dosen't always works. Mainly because Japanese people wanting to talk to western people usually have some point to do it. When they introduce us to someone else, this person perceive us like ordinary person and he/she is not obligated to be so opened and tolerant. International culture exchange needs plenty of tolerance...

There is 'culture shock' in this topic and I just remembered something. The situation was in bus in Kyoto and there was one free sit. I'm from Poland and I just cannot let my female penpal stay beside me. She was telling me for almost minute that I should take a sit... Everything ended when one person from other part of bus let us sit together. I learnt that Polish tact is nothing compared to Japanese politeness...

Man, honestly, if anyone here in Brazil smiled to me in the train I'd really think he is gay, I mean, can't he just come talk to me and engage a nice conversation, I am obviously feeling lonely on my way to work, It woulb be great if he could just say something funny instead of making me feel sexy.
I mean, I heard this kind of things about japanese people, that they seem to be distant and do not welcome unknown people in their life easily. I guess it would be kinda hard to me as well since I've always been living in Brazil and people around here are very inviting and honest with each other(more than people in USA, by the way.Well, at least, when I was there I've got that feeling). So now that I think about it I'd really want to have a japanese friend, in mangas and animes they seem all to lack confidence and to be shy, looks funny, and I would get to end all the generalization I got about them(by the way, their culture and ettiquete are so different it would be a great experience)Now I am looking forward to make a real japanese friend...

Cultures are made by us. Its not that each and everyone follows a similar thing. These are laws people make to substilize something. People make laws and they themselves break it. Do what your Good Conscience tells you. not cultures.
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rene