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for WOW 2008/10/20 11:58
Well, I think some still follow the custom which the man gives his salary to the wife and she makes sure all bills and expenses are paid so the man can concentrate on his working and not have stress of the bills.I think
Many more couples may do it differently now by sharing these responsibilities, especially with women and men working after marriage.
My husband is very bad managing money and I am very careful so he suggested I take responsibility for the household expenses. Purchases for the home or clothing, entertainment, etc. are mutually agreed upon.
Works for us.
by Umi rate this post as useful

japanese men 2008/10/29 08:15
Strangely, I too get exactly 30000 yen from my dear Japanese husband. And my husband doesn't want me to get a job as well, claiming that I already have a job being a wife and a mother to our daughter. Although given that we live in rural japan with his parents and older unmarried sister and grandmother I am not allowed to make any decisions regarding the household, my child or my own lifestyle. Apparently we can't move out and live on our own as he is the only son. Some days I feel trapped like a prisoner, some days I feel like household help, some days I feel like an unwanted pet. All in all, be careful if you are thinking about marrying a Japanese man and having a child with him because he just may change into a complete stranger after you move to Asia with him.

And as for the sex, for something that was so awesome (and frequent) when we were dating in Canada... well, we haven't done it in years so I figure he's either getting it somewhere else (those nights he doesn't come home perhaps?) or he's really just lost his sex drive completely.

If it weren't for our daughter I would surely have packed up my bags and gone home a long time ago.
by momo (not a peach) rate this post as useful

Adore my Japanese husband 2009/2/8 02:46
I have been married to my dutiful Japanese husband for 10 years. He is caretaking and generous(too much so). He brings out the best in me and he is encouraging me in my graduate studies. He is in his 40's.
I am always surprised when (some) people assume that Japanese men aren't gentlemen and that they assume my husband is an exception. I have several friends who are happily married to Japanese men. I sometimes wonder if it is the American media who portray Japanese men in a dim light.
by Happylady (guest) rate this post as useful

Well.... 2009/2/8 06:15
It is hoped that those who are married to a generous, responsible, kind and loving japanese man(or any man, for that matter) are extremely appreciative, understanding and do not become spoiled/used to what is being done/or expect it. Too many cases where the man is taken for granted(or generally just taken) no matter what he does.

And regardless of who pays for or is responsible for the bills, do not assume without you the other is useless/incapable.

In the states there are also those men who give their money for the woman to take care of and dish out and those who don't. And in some cases where the woman gives to the man to look after and dish out and those who don't.

My experiences however advise me to never to trust others with money, no matter who it is. If you are inept of taking care of money, then learn, depending on someone else is not always an option. And always think of the possible fallout, if you do let someone else handle what you earn. Life and the world can be a ...., it is good to remember it. IMHO.
by Gebe (guest) rate this post as useful

Academic Japanese guys 2009/2/28 17:58
I guess most of us do not speak fluent Japanese and that is a big obstacle
to make a relationship work.
However, when I went to a city called Tsukuba north of Tokyo, I met many
English speaking J-guys because the city is full of academics. There I found a hiking club and I saw many Japanese-guy/western-girl couples (English,
Amrican, French, Australian etc). All the Japanese guys spent some years
abroad and there Japanese-male with Western-Female couples were more
of a majority than the other combination. There were some people joining
the hikes from Tokyo so there were some non-academics. Maybe with
academics the oppositte combination works? Are there anyone dating academic type?
by Francaise (guest) rate this post as useful

yes here! 2009/3/2 10:52
yeah, I belong to one of those couples. I met my partner at a university in germany and now we are a couple for over 4 years and living in japan.
first I helped him with my mothertongue and know he can help me with japanese.
he is just perfect and I cannot understand why so many other mixed couples have those problems. yeah, at the beginning we had a lot of problems, cause he couldn`t show his feelings, as I was used to. know he can talk better it. but mostly we had started to read each others body language and we are just doing great!
by dotcom (guest) rate this post as useful

The heart gives all 2009/8/27 03:51
I am a little late coming into this forum looking at the date of the original message - but from personal experience I would say it matters not what nationality a man is: if he's mean, he's mean and it will stoke up trouble ahead in the future. My late husband went through peaks and troughs of meanness and generosity - he was hard to follow but strangely enough always had cash for beer and cigarettes: always had money to loan to his friends but never to me. After we divorced I was careful who I tangled with. I then met someone in a reasonably good job who turned out to be a real Scrooge and even suggested I handed over my daughter into custody with her father so she wouldn't be a drain on the finances!!!! I was on my own for several years having been 'stung' more than once but am now with someone who is in a low-paid job but shares whatever he has. it isn't much but we combine efforts and I work full time anyway. We don't have much left over at the end of the month but we are happy. Laughter doesn't cost anything.

My advice is: watch out for anyone who is mean and picks up on trivial items in your shopping basket. It is a form of control freakery. I am also suspicious of the lack of sex in the relationship. Yes, I know Japanese men work long hours (as do many men around the world now) and allegedly they have a low testosterone count .. but .. everyone has a natural urge now and again. Where is his?

I'd keep my eyes open in this relationship. There seems to be an undercurrent on his side and I don't know what that is. There is no fool like an old fool: I'm 46 years old and it has taken me a few years to sort through men. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't.
by MissLaira rate this post as useful

work 2009/11/11 11:21
You get 30,000 yen a month? I recently married a Japanese man who I just meant in July, and I just moved to Japan in the middle of September. I think you are lucky to get 30,000 a month because my husband never gives me money. I also do not have a job because I am waiting for my spousel visa. I love my husband, but he doesn't like to communicate when there is a problem. When I cry about something he just ignores it, and doesn't say anything. He also gets upset about me asking for anything, although I hardly do it. When I ask for something, it is never expensive, but he makes a big deal. I know hair products are important. I asked my husband to pick me up some gel once, and he looked irritated. He told me I should pick it out myself, although I have been living off $25 for months. He ended up giving me some old half used gel of his.I don't know if most Japanese husbands are like this or not, but I know it is difficult to find work in a new country. When I get my visa I want to apply to Chezvous. It is hard for me to find work without a bachelor degree, so maybe I can work at this company. It is my understanding from talking with others, that no place will hire me as a teacher without a degree.Chezvous might be good for you because you can get a steady job babysitting or doing house work for a family. You can even be a nanny which pays the most. Being a nanny for one family can get you 200,000 to 300,000 yen a month.
by gaijin (guest) rate this post as useful

Inaccurate info 2009/11/11 11:35
"gaijin", it is quite possible to get a job as a teacher without a degree, as the degree is a requirement for the working visa, which you do not need. There are some places who do want a degree, but for many others the most important thing is that you have a visa and are in Japan, which you do/are. Don't give up on the English teaching avenue, as it is probably your best bet.
by Sira (guest) rate this post as useful

My husband is japanese too 2010/2/18 03:45
I am spouse of a japanese too, i've benn marriedn for 4 years. I think my husband is very generous, he gives me enough to pay the expenses of the house and my stuff and he is very affective maybe because he knows traditions outside Japan. On the other hand i think japanese men are as many people said, they dont like to talk so much about feelings and dont like to discuss problems, they dont want to fight but when it is necessary you could find you fighting alone and it is awful.
Any way if anybody is thinking about marring a japanese man, think it twice, and be careful if you are going to live in japan because japanese men works too much so the time you have together would be very short.
Even japanese women complains about it.
by monigato rate this post as useful

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