I can’t have Japanese friends..

I'm having similar problems.

I really want to have the friends who like same music as me and interests, if they are young adults even better. Occasionally i meet a super cute girl and go on a few dates but one day they become disinterested despite it seeming like everything was well.

I feel like I have to be a playboy and go after the usuals that attend international parties. Or else i cannot have any kind of relationship. But I'm tired of the average no hobby but speak english foreigner seekers.

I would suggest you guys to never speak English in Japan. As I've seen in my home country (in France), foreigners who make many friends are the ones who don't use their mother language and mother culture in public, who try to look like the French population. Of course it will be easily noticeable that this person is a foreigner (accent, physical appearence) but it doesn't matter at all if this person is open-minded !

I guess Japanese people have seen enough western foreigners who come to Japan to be the "exotic guy", so they must be fed up with western guys who come here just in order to make (girl)friends.

If you go to Japan in order to meet Japanese people ("and the studies/job will be a good reason to stay here as long as possible") you have already failed.

People who make friends in Japan are certainly the ones who come here in order to have a job experience, who love the country.

I know it's unfair... but you only gain something when you don't look for this thing

Wow, I�fm shock to see this many comment on here. I thought it was going to stop at the 2 nd page. I�fll put in my 2 cents in here too. I�fll be the bad guy here; I think you should do a little research on this. Last year 2012 before traveling to Japan for a month, 7month before I came to Japan, I found Japan-Gude.com. I made a few posting on here and I reply too many posting on here that I felt fit what I was looking for. Before going to Japan I did a lot of research and I did come across some people on YouTube talking about the same problem you are having now. With no luck I did not meet anyone, 3 weeks before going to Japan I called it quits, I plan out my trip, pack my bags and off I went to Japan solo.

Now I�fm going to put on my bad guy hat on, Yes sir�c

While I was reading your comment I did not know if you were a guy or a girl. After reading other comment I found out you were a dude. Now it seem like you are most likely talking to Japanese girls than men, after reading on you are talking to men and women.

You need to face the fact that this is a problem in Japan for foreigners who live there and after living out there for 3month with little to no success you need to refocus your how you are going to make new friends.

I say forget trying to make Japanese friends, 1 reason why�c you clearly do not want to make Japanese friends who feeding off your English freely as you stated �gI want to speak only in Japanese and thus I try to talk only in Japanese. I'm looking for Japanese people who don't understand English so I can be forced to speak only Japanese.�h Then you continue to say �gI don't need somebody who wants to use me as an English teacher for free. There are a lot of them out there.�h Right there you cut off 50%, 60% maybe 75% of your chance to make Japanese friends.

When I was in Japan for I month, I stayed in Osaka, Noda area by the Noda station for 2 weeks and a half before going to Tokyo. You live in a big city dude. If you haven�ft notice it, than that your problem; a good amount of people who live in big cities in Japan speak broken English and they most likely want to improve their English because of their job or to be able to better communicate with foreigner.

If you really want to make friends without eliminating 50%, 60% or more of the people who can be your friend around you, than move to the outskirt of Osaka or leave big and small cities and live out in the open towns/village where its most likely Japanese only with no real English talking.

Your second opinion is to make friends with foreigner who already live out there. So that way you don�ft feel that they are not trying to �guse me as an English teacher for free.�h During my travel I made more foreign friends and chat with more people from China, Euro and America than in Japanese. Shoot I had Chinese people and other Asian people guys and girls walk up to me and talk to me and we had great conversation, until I found out they are Chinese, Taiwan and other as they ask me for my feedback about Japan. The Japanese friend I made spoke little English and I help them out with their English while I was there, which wasn�ft a problem to me. Funny thing is, this one guy I thought was Japanese turn out he was Chinese came to me and spoke English to me, he lived 3hours away from me in America as he was traveling back to china. We spent the whole day together.

Look dude�c you have to be real to yourself about this, I know you want to make friends out there and I know you do not want to spend a lot of time by yourself at home and going out by yourself. It�fs time for you to go to plan Z make friends with the foreigner. I know half or almost everyone on here who made comments on your post is foreigner.

You may also need to research Why Japanese people never say No. there also a forum on here about this with a web link that help you on.

Finally, I want to say that, young adults in Japan are far busier with their life. I saw it firsthand. I once thought I did something wrong but it turn out he was helping out his family for the week, he took me to the spot.

yes, there a lot to read... sorry about that, i guess its more than my two cents, lol

Seems like social rejections bother you, that could be your problem, so get rejected more, eventually it won't hurt anymore. You goal must always be the number that leads to in-person interaction, don't waste your time on online friendships, one email or message, then go for the number. Budget your time, 60 minutes on one girl is too long, learn to do it faster, chit chat, this that, then what's your email, max 5-7 mins, eventually you will have the skill to go for the number. Understand, it's not about language barrier, it's about your approach. Focus on the skill, it gets better very fast. Also understand that once you have a few cute female friends, other girls will trust you without knowing you, so make sure you have pictures on your phone hanging out with cute girls. Don't worry about dudes, they will magically appear once you have a few girls around you. Most importantly, in the beginning don't invest too much time into one female friend, it won't work, keep prospecting until you have solid 6-8 regular female friends. Also don't focus on dating at this point, as once you have 6-8 female friends, you ll have limitless source of friends, dates etc. Do try everything other people suggested here, however with caution, if it doesn't work, abandon it. Good luck!

The OP opened this topic in January 2013...

Now we are in January 2014, it has been one year. I guess he does not visit this forum anymore. His last message was in January of last year, too.

Although I, and other forumers, would like to know if Paganbreeze could finally make Japanese friends, I'm afraid he will never reply.

Paganbreeze, if you read this post; any change since last year? Do you enjoy your time in Japan in spite of this "friendship-problem" ??

Oui, absolument.

But first, I'd like to thank all of you guys for the time and effort that you put in your messages. Thank you very much.

Things have indeed changed since Jan 2013. Well, slowly but surely. I had friends that I lost at some point and there are friends that I still meet regularly. I don't initiate contact anymore but they do, which means that they are interested in me.

I'm happy here. I think the key to be happy in Japan or anywhere else is to look at the life positively. I changed my attitude, I stopped complaining and all that helped make a huge different in my life in the land of the rising sun.

I'm glad to hear that!
It would have been so sad if the situation didn't have evolved after one year...

Good luck for your life in Japan!
Bonne chance!

Hi, I'm Japanese man living in Osaka.

How about being friends with Japanese who are interested in English language or people from overseas first and you can expand your relationship from them.

For example, there are some English-study clubs in Osaka. People belonging to them are looking for opportunities to talk with English speakers. You must be welcomed.

Here's one of the clubs. 500 yen per a session. They discuss about one easy topic and one solid topic in a session.
And after that they usually hold a drinking party in Izakaya, you can go make friends. Of course the Izakaya fee isn't inclued in 500 yen.
http://english-speaking-club.com/

Or Inter National Party if you like
http://www.whynotjapan.com/index.php?main_page=index&sort=2a&language=...

Paganbreeze:

I am probably going to sound harsh saying this and I apologise if that appears that way but its not intentional that I can assure you. I have read through your topic and if I must say so, I think you are locking the door in your own face with atleast 60% of potential Japanese friends because why should it matter to you if they can speak English as well as their native Japanese? Surely friendship is most important thing right? :).

I am certain that those Japanese people that want to befriend you would be happy to oblige with conversations between yous in just Japanese but friendship is all about give and take mate. So be sure to have conversations with them in English as well as you will be returning the favour to them too.

But I am pleased to read on your last post that you have found some Japanese friends in Osaka and so long as you keep a positive persona. I am certain that you will attract and make more friends in return.

Sláinte.

One thing we older people have learned through trials and errors, is that if one tries very hard to find a friend or a lover (especially if one only want someone that should be of this age, and look like this or that), it doesn't work at all..as if people knew that you were desperate.

One has to be willing to talk to all sorts of people, in all kinds of circumstances.. These people may well introduce you to their friends etc. The more people one meet, the better the chance of finding friends, and/or lovers..
Usually when one doesn't expect it at all!

japanese people are somewhat simnilar to norwegians we are extremely to our self alot of japanes are not interesrted in foreigners they consider themself as sort of of a master race i am sorry but a recent social study done in japan shows that over 80% thinks that japanes are the most intelligent people in the world so youare not gonna make any real friends as an foreigner or gaijin as you are known

@Chepe:

Where does this number "80%" come from?? sounds like a joke...

Moreover I've always heard that many Japanese have an "inferiority complex", they feel frustrated because they consider themselves as inferior to the Western people (although it's totally wrong, of course). That is the reason why, in Mangas or Animes, they always represent characters with a certain utopic vision: big blue eyes, long blond hair, etc

@izquieerda

I call anime Half breed or from the bookdocks view half and half. you do bring up some interesting point about it.

i never heard of "Japanese have an "inferiority complex" sound interesting and need to read up on it.

but in anime it seem like the characters speak their mind and are direct and confidence about them self. good example Code Grass "Lelouch Lamperouge aka Lelouch vi Britannia" but C.C. aka C2 personality is more asian style quiet low spoen and confusing never give a direct answer or say yes or no.

this is from the english dub. i only watch a few show in Japanese Dub.

Many people cannot escape from prejudice.

ken: What prejudices are those?