Meeting my Japanese boyfriend

Hello Everyone,

Me and my Japanese boyfriend decided to meet in August. We have been going out for about a month now and I really like him alot. It will be my very first time meeting him and obviously I do keep in mind that it might not ''click'' at all and we already talked about that if that happens we want to stay good friends.

Now I am 19 and he is 30, I know a lot of people find this age gap a problem but I really love him and he loves me.. I don't see the problem.. My parents are OK with our relationship and very curious about the japanese culture.

I will be moving to Sendai summer 2014 and he told me that he will support me and help me get settled etc in Japan.

Anyway.. he planned a trip to me in August, which he payed a huge amount (12000EU) for and had to go trough alot to get off a few days of he's work. (He is a doctor.)

Now I am kind of wondering if anyone has had the same experience.. or have some tips for me that might be good to know in before hand?

If you say this is the first time meeting, I assume this "boyfriend" of yours is an online friend? Please just wait and see if things "click" or not when you meet in person. Please wait and see if you really "love" each other when you meet in person.

So he (living in Japan) is visiting you in your country this summer? If a round-trip ticket to Europe cost that much, that means he probably chose to fly business/first class, so that was his choice. Don't let that impress you too much.

Please keep in mind that you are meeting someone for the first time, and take the usual precaution: meet in public places, not meeting alone first time, etc.

There is a long thread here titled "Meeting my Japanese bf for the first time," so please browse through that one as well.

I don't understand these threads with titles like: "Meeting my boyfriend for the first time" and things like that. You met him online and know him online so far. He is not your boyfriend, period.

Honestly I don't find this too weird, I met my ex boyfriend online aswel.. and we met in real about 1 month later.. we ended up being together for over a year.
We talk everyday trough skype whenever we see a possibility.

Obviously I know not to meet him alone and will take one of my friends with me when meeting him. Also he didn't buy a economy/business ticket.. it was just a normal ticket.

I did read the post of that girl BUT... this is still a bit diffrent. He told me that he will come to meet me since he find it too dangerous for me to travel all alone to meet for the first time, also he is alright with me bringing friends when meeting him at the airport.

Honestly I don't see any dangers in this situation at all..

Also for those who have complains about being in love with someone you met online please just don't comment.. I know many many couples that started dating before they met in real life and they are still happily together.. -_-'

There's nothing wrong with meeting someone online really. But you cannot ignore the fact that you're still young. Forgive me for saying this but normally a 30 year old guy would not want to date a teenager who's still in school, unless he's into that kind of thing...

Honestly I don't see any dangers in this situation at all..

and this is the difference with bebegurl, she sounded naive too at times but she used her brain before heart and listened to the advice given. All I want to say is be careful.

I am still young, yes but I also am very mature for my age.. I hear this very very often from diffrent people. I have been trough alot and learned alot already.

He has never earlier been together with someone so much younger so this is not a ''thing'' he is into.

Like I said I have been in this situation before so I do know what to look out for. :)

I just wanted some tips on the diffrences of dating.. knowing that Japanese do not date in the way we are used to here in the west.

Even if you had met this man, it is not likely that you'd be in love after a month. And sorry, but you cannot love someone that you have never met. You are in love with the idea of who you think he is. Love is a very serious feeling that doesn't appear at the drop of a hat. Please don't be naive about this situation because you are putting yourself at risk. You can find love via the internet (as a search tool, then you meet and form a relationship), but an online relationship is an entirely different thing.

Being mature for your age, doesn't equal being mature/experienced in life. Totally different things. But I'm not trying to judge you. You are in love, and anything we might say, sounds negative or critisizing.

Differences in the way the Japanese date? I don't think so, but you can find plenty of threads here about miserable wives and their (fantastic)japanese husbands. They do seem to make all the effort to make you fall for them, but then you realize you're totally incompatible when it's too late (after giving up your career and moving to japan)

We have known eachother for 2 years.. and about a month ago we decided to date and meet. I really don't see the problem here. :)
I believe you can fall and be in love with someone you haven't met before since we talk everyday and see eachother in webcam. There is always a chance that once you meet in real life that it doesn't ''click'' but then you can always stay good friends.

reprazent, no offence but what you said I find it ridiculous. It as if you say that only japanese men make their wifes feel miserable. Ofcourse there are women out there not being happy with their relationship or marriage but this is not only in japan or with just japanese men! This happens all over the world. I believe there are many women that are married or dating japanese men and are perfectly happy aswel.

@ Hollymoon,
My only advice is since you're young, Just don't put too much focus on him. Just be cautious as everyone say until you actually know him in person. You know, people online might be different from they are in person.
Anyway good luck.
Yes, people can fall in love with a person before meeting them in person. I've known my boyfriend for over two years before meeting him in person and we're still together. So It's possible that it can happen.

@Jil

Thank you :) I will be carefull and I am out going from the worst.. so that I won't feel too disapointed if it doesn't work out.

See what I meant with taking it the wrong way? I never claimed that (all) japanese men are mistreating their gaijin wives/gf on a big scale, but somehow this forum is filled with stories about them. I'd say read and try to learn from it.

Also for those who have complains about being in love with someone you met online please just don't comment..

I'm much older than you and I went through the same things you are currently going through, so please show some respect.

What you are experiencing is infatuation, not love.
Make sure he keeps his promise to visit you.
Pay attention to his actions and not the words he is typing. After all, actions speak louder than words. Good luck.

Like many people here who are giving you advice, we are not disparaging you.
We are just worried for your safety and seriously it doesn't cost 12000EU to visit Europe if he's not flying business or first class.
Unless he's staying in some fancy hotel, he's saying that just to impress you.
And since you are also aware that you two may not ''click'' in real life...so how is that love?

Just a swift reply.

Who are we to say how much it costs to visit Europe.
Everyone's budget is different.

My boyfriend is also Japanese, somewhat met the same the way as the original poster. He spent an amount of money to be with me, which made me questionable in other's people view.

Maybe he can just afford it, and that's his standard. Nothing to worry about. I would say, just be glad about it.

Have a wonderful meeting ! Enjoy xx

I hope this guy turns out OK... every single Japanese man I met online had an alterior motive and they were pervy and manipulative at best. I even met this guy who started calling me degrading names like "ugly b**" and the "n" word (and I never did anything to him!). So, just be careful when meeting this man in person. Unfortunate for me, my first F2F meeting with a j-guy resulted in my child. And his ass still owes me money for child support! He is SO glad he's away from me in Japan...

reprazent,

"...but somehow this forum is filled with stories about them"

It's a forum. Personal anecdotes do not evidence cultural paradigms. There are forums filled with complaints about black people, Muslims, Jews, et cetera, but you'd be hard-pressed to find any sane person to take them all-too seriously. Most complaints on these forums come from foreigners and are about Japanese men and women. It'd be no less logical to conclude that this must mean there is a culture of contempt toward the Japanese among foreigners than to conclude that Japanese men and women make bad partners. Cuts both ways... neither extreme is fair or fair-minded.

@Jane

Who are we to say how much it costs to visit Europe.
Everyone's budget is different.

I know more about the average person because I work in the travel and hospitality industry.
I this you totally misunderstand me...this is not a budget problem.

Let me state an example, to make an apple pie, you need to buy say apples and pie crust.
The cost should not be more than $30 unless you are buying Fuji apples flown in from Japan or some fancy gourmet pie crust.
So if I buy normal apples non fancy pie crust and then say the cost of the ingredients is $300...get what I mean?

Why do you like saying "who are you to say blah blah blah?"
The OP asked for advice and we gave that...duh
Then let me ask you the same question "Who are you to say I can't say the he's just trying to impress OP?"
I believe I wrote a similar response in bebegurl's thread which was deleted.
So I will print screen this answer to be sure the moderator is not siding with you.

Interesting situation, and yeah, I'm in the boat of folks who can't fathom falling for someone you've never met. Online dating is still an odd phenomenon to me. Guess I'm just old-fashioned in that regard despite being 31. To each their own. Whatever works, right?

Anywho, please be careful. This guy is considerably older. In all honesty, I would make it a rule to never be entirely alone with him. Do you plan to introduce him to family or just your friends?

I live with my brother, he wants to meet my parents and friends as well so we wont be alone that much. In January I will be going to Japan to meet he's family and friends :)