other views on our relationship

Hello everybody, i've already learned a lot about japanese women, because im in a relationship with one, but still i want to know what your opinions on it are, since i can get confused sometimes.

my story:
well i met this wonderful girl about a year ago while is was studying in hawaii and we are both 22. we saw each other a couple of times, but always around other friends and we have never talked soo much, because she was very shy at first. after not soo long time she had to go back to Japan and i finished my studies and travelled the rest of america, before i went back to switzerland. even though we didnt know each other well we texted every day and she decided to come to my country for 2 weeks after 3 months. i showed her around and we kinda started dating. she left and we skyped almost every day and after 6 weeks she missed me and came again for another 2 weeks. we became bf/gf during this time and continued skyping every day after she left. then we couldnt see eachother for 4 months, i know its hard in a LDR and i know many people dont believe in it, but i want to try it because she's very beautiful and special to me. after these 4 months she came again to switzerland, this time for 5 weeks. this is our story so far.

she will start studying german in 7 weeks for 3 months in switzerland and after that i will go to japan and hawaii again with her for 6 weeks in the summer break and then she will come again and study for 6 months.

I couldnt be more happy with her and i love her very much and she tells me she also loves me, but now my question? i can feel she wants to be with me and that she loves me, but she doesnt show her emotions about this, almost never. i think its part of their culture not to do it, but the funny thing is when we have a fight, sometimes about very little things for me, she can get very angry and mean, even if sometime it isnt my fault. i always try to explain why i said or did something.

for example: i cooked for her and then i told her it's good but i doesnt look the way i wanted it to look, after this we had the worst fight in our relationship, because she completly misunderstood the meaning behind this. i thought i didnt do something wrong and didnt apologize, but there was no chance that i could win this fight or conversation. and its most of the time like this. she can be mad for 2 days and dont talk to me, but when i do she said she was waiting for me to come and talk and that she missed talking with me.

have any of you guys made experience like this? is this part of their culture or maybe just hers? because everytime we have a fight and she doesnt want to do anything to solve it i cant feel she likes me anymore, even if she does, that makes me a little bit confused. does she really love me and is she serious about me?

i know its a long story, but i would appreciate every answer i get.

Thank you

you may love her, and she may love you.
But,it seems that she feels something tired about the relationship. It's all.

I dont think so, because everything is always fine besides that, and after we fight she tells me she will love me forever, just during that time we fight she gets super into it and angry. And i wonder if this is usual in Japan, because ive read somewhere, that fighting with a japanese women isnt easy, but thanks for your answer

This comes from a girl in a long term relationship with a japanese guy living under the same roof.

Yes, its common. I totally understand when you say: I didn't think I didn't do something wrong, so no need to apologise and she completely misunderstood..

It happens as well with my bf. I think its a cultural thing.

He also gets very stuck, not for two days luckily, for some hours or so, then gives up..

At that time I feel all sorts of things, like he doesn't love me, he doesn't care, he is an asshole, he is this, he is that...

but its part of the fight. They all seem to get verrry stuck in their very own reasons, continuing for long.

Just try to accept it as it is and love her beside this.

good luck!

I don't have good advice for conflict resolution, but I agree that there may be other underlying factors. The stress of the LDR could be the culprit - it was hell for me.

oh no, its ThatGuy again...

i say just do what most guy do who like Japanese girl. Date a Anime Girl.

Thanks for the answer you two :) and to thatguy again guy, dude please, just because you can find somebody who can love you, dont put your anger on other people, because things like this are the reason why. If you would read the Story you would know we met while travelling and we are both young its nothing about the race or the country, its about the person.

The silent treatment is not locked to nationality.
Trying to "explain" your position will take much longer and be far less effective than just saying sorry and scratching your head afterwards wondering what the big deal was.
I will say that Japanese women are not monolithic, but less emotions than is typical in the West would not be unusual (TPO).

Lastly, I would think about what Chicago Mike said and look hard at why you are having fights early in a relationship (been married 22 years so it has been awhile but don't recall arguing at that early stage)

Best of luck

thank you Ojisan
i think so too and agree chigacomike too. funny is just that it only happens when we are together, and when we are apart she doesnt want to fight and she tells me this. for me its more stressful when she is away, but for her when she's in my country, but i guess this could might be because she can't understand our language. i guess, different people, different minds and different personalities, but this makes it soo interessting :)

It part of culture that Japanese women get angry and very stubborn when it get into fight. Just let her talks and she will cool it off. My ex Asian gf are just like that, she always keep fight until I admitted that she is right even thought I am right.
Also it part of Japanese culture that woman do not express her feeling to loved one. More likely Japanese woman want to prove by action than saying words. For example, she talk to you everyday and she missed you which it a example of action.

Women in general get really angry and frustrated before the menstrual cycle. It's not just Japanese women, but this applies to all women. I feel sorry for guys, but you just have to deal with it. (^-^;
I told my husband that he needed to be SUPER NICE to me before my period. He laughted about it, but he gets it so we don't have to fight over every little thing anymore. I have to remind him sometimes with a smile though.
I hope this helps.
Good luck with everything!

I realized, from many posts in this forum, that many male foreigners said love, love, and love with Japanese girls. that is OK in the beginning. Japanese girls always think about the next stages after love.
I think you just have satisfied the love relationship, and it seems that she is frustrated with your such kind of thinking way. In Japan, love is a beginning, not a final goal.

Ken, what is the final goal?

ChicagoMike, the final goal is marriage.

because everytime we have a fight and she doesnt want to do anything to solve it

Because in her eyes, you are in the wrong and it's you who should do everything to solve it, as you love her.
She is waiting for you to take the lead and wants you to come and say how sorry you are and how much you love her. She may still be angry, like oh, you think it's all okay, if you say sorry. But it'll be worse, if you walk away from it.
There's no logic, but that's the way she is.

Good luck!

Sometimes people change and fall out of love. For whatever reason, only she knows. Easy come, easy go. These things happens everywhere. It's not just japanese people.