Japanese man won’t discuss problems

I have noticed that my Japanese boyfriend will not discuss issues and problems. For example, if I had a bad day or something happened and I want to share it with him, he just laughs and bows it off..
Also, he rarely if ever asks me: "What happened?" and things like that. Whereas, I would always ask him what's up when I see him feeling down.
He wants to marry me soon, so, a lack of interest is out of the question. What I wonder is, why he won't ask me what's up when I feel down?
He is often busy and whenever I want to talk with him (besides "okaeri" and stuff like that), he tells me that he doesn't have enough time. I usually leave him alone and don't bother him at all at such moments.
I'm the type of person who bottles up her feelings and emotions for a long time and then erupt like a volcano.
I believe that talking about problems is good for the mental health.
Sometimes I wonder how my boyfriend endures all this thing, not expressing his true emotion and putting up with stuff for so long (be it the workplace, social situations, etc.)
What do you think?

If you love him so much following what the type of him or you will lost him. Hope you can handle it for rest of your life. Wish you always happy

Men's brain and women's brain methodologically work in different way. Men are normally quite as their brain work whereas women are normally active, this activates as lots of talking normally. So, he is listening as you are talking eventhough he doesn't respond.
This is not your responsibility nor his, this is brain responsibility.
If you don't understand this situation then you better not marry to him or any other men on the earth.

If you don't understand this situation then you better not marry to him or any other men on the earth.

This message shows how little you know about our situation.
I see you are trying to make me appear the unreasonable person with the unrealistic expectations, but, you have no idea what my boyfriend's expectations are of me. You know nothing.

Lol that's a little harsh tokyo friend.

well, some people are able to cope with their problem differently. Some people are super sensitive and expressive. Like you. I'm expressive as well and always tell my boyfiend about my day, good or bad. He sits and listen, sometimes if I'm lucky he tells about his days too. Some men doesn't really talk about thier problems much, they try to solve it on thier own or just brush it off. Japanese or not. My ex is an American and he's also like that. It's thier personality, which you can't change it. Let them open up on thier own.

Another one with "japanese man/girl don't talk". What if he told you not to be who you are? Just talk to him about it and see if he's willing to talk about watever with you. If he doesn't he doesn't. If that's his character from the get go, then why are you with him. I see many people trying to change thier partner character, and most gotten depressing rather than good. I'm a guy and I think you're just too sensitive.

many japanese people avoid talking about problems completely

i.e. a man talking to a woman about stress issues / other negative stuff regularly can expect his girlfriend to break up with him promptly

people don't talk about stress related issues with anyone much. it's one of the reasons this country is a suicide rate leader.

anyway, if you don't like the way he handles problems, why don't you talk to him about it. if he is unwilling to change i think you're going to have extreme difficulties if you decide to marry him.

any problems now are only going to be magnified after marriage, and things that you take for granted in a husband are going to be things i'm certain he will not be willing to adapt to.

consider carefully.

I don't think this is typical male behavior, but rather typical Japanese behavior. My wife is like that.

You can't change people. The sense I get is that your slowly realizing you need something different from you relationship.

On the other hand, after you've been married for several years, you probably won't want to talk with your husband anyway.

Maybe he feels like he will be a burden if he discusses those things? Or maybe he just wishes to leave all the stresses behind when he's done with work.

There could be alot of reasons, so I think probably the best thing to do is talk to him and mention that you'd like to be there and hear his troubles, and that you'd appreciate to have him hear you out too!

Good luck~ ♫

IMO being able to communicate, is crucial in a relationship.

You need to ask yourself whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't feel the same. I'm with winterwolf, you should consider carefully.

Thank you guys for your opinions!

just when he says he's busy tell him its important just tell him how you fell maybe he's to shy to ask or worries that you may get mad if he does or maybe he's dense

Japanese people, on a whole, are more reserved.
My boyfriend doesn't like telling me about any difficulties or stress he's facing in his work.
He figured that he shouldn't "burden" me with it although I told him that it's not a burden and that telling me about it may make him feel better.

Japanese are not trained to express the inner feelings by talking from birth. Also, they look down on people who elaborate in details. In addition, if they are upset, they tend to clam shut for a while, sometimes for weeks. They may be polite & quiet until they blow up and the talking tone/language changes completely and/or become violent. You need to learn more about Japanese deeper, if you want to get married. You can learn from many Japanese dramas which are based on lack of communications and full of misunderstandings that can be avoided, if they can express in the first place, but eventually characters come around in full circle to the understandings.

I beg to differ. I will dish my shit to my bf or just clamp up when I'm having a bad day or personal issues. He will leave me alone until I'm ready to talk to him. Basically he will tell me that he's there for me. And I will almost always feel better after telling him. As for him, he will tell me his problems too. Sometimes nitty gritty stuff like his granny pesters him, his father yells at him for nothing or work stuff etc. That's how we manage this crazy LDR. Sigh. Guess it's a character thing? My ex whose non-Japanese does not share any problems that are troubling him. He will just swallow it so it's very difficult to read him, not to mention tiring.

Japanese are not trained to express the inner feelings by talking from birth. Also, they look down on people who elaborate in details. In addition, if they are upset, they tend to clam shut for a while, sometimes for weeks. They may be polite & quiet until they blow up and the talking tone/language changes completely and/or become violent. You need to learn more about Japanese deeper, if you want to get married. You can learn from many Japanese dramas which are based on lack of communications and full of misunderstandings that can be avoided, if they can express in the first place, but eventually characters come around in full circle to the understandings.

Can you please recommend me any good dramas from which I can learn more about this subject? It will be much appreciated. Thanks.

That's because Japanese make for awful relationship partners. Period.

They don't know how to open up emotionally and when they have a problem they act like infantile brats instead of talking about it like adults.

Don't get me wrong, I love japan and have spent most of my life here. Wouldn't want to live anywhere else. But after countless relationships and one failed marriage to an emotionally/ physically abusive Japanese women, I can say that being in a romantic relationship with a Japanese partner is not worth the pain!

Good luck!

i am not sure that dramas are a good idea for learning about how normal relationships work. real life does not look like dramas.

in addition japanese drama actors are terrible as far as realism is concerned. (check out the intonation of a speaker making a dramatic speech next time you watch a japanese drama. virtually the same slow rising intonation no matter who the actor.) i know of not a single person in japan who speaks like drama characters do when they're being emotional or passionate.

i also don't think taking relationship advice from a guy who's divorced from an abusive spouse is a good idea. but that's just my opinion.