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Last year I did a year-long study abroad program in Japan, which is probably the number one opportunity for people to break out of their shells. It's also a great opportunity to meet new people. It's also a great way for foreigners to get attention of the opposite-sex variety, and I especially saw tall blondes getting taken left and right by coy Japanese girls. My friends and I would laugh about it.
Then one day a Japanese guy came up to my friends and I as we were playing frisbee on campus. Long story short, he starts looking for us so he can hang out more and we can help him with his English. Sometimes I would be the only one in the room and he would talk to me. At this point, I'll admit, I started developing a crush on him. I would find ways to walk with him from the school to the station and asked him to show me some sightseeing spots.
From my view, as a person who has never dated, even though I developed feelings I still considered those times as friendly. I paid for my own meals, asked him silly questions about Japanese and made fun of his English, and made minimal physical contact. Once in a while I would talk to him over Facebook or send him a funny video. At one point my friends were making jokes about how I'm the strongest girl in the group and they implored him to touch my abs. I was pretty naive, I admit.
Anything more than friendly feelings disappeared when we went to a sightseeing spot and he was unable to speak when some friends of his came over. I asked him if he was embarrassed and he said yes, which seemed childish to me, but I'm also older than him and he probably didn't have much experience with foreigners. I thought, well, he's a shy Japanese man and he hasn't tried anything on me yet, I won't have to refuse him if he ever confesses to me and I can just go home with some great memories.
A few days before I was going to leave the country we plan a couple more days to hang out. On the first day we go to a festival, which started out fun. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said no, and I wouldn't want to have one for less than a year, which I figured would hint that I wouldn't be able to date him if he asked. It seemed a hurdle was passed and I wouldn't need to worry about it again. Later in the night, however, he kept asking to touch my abs, which I thought was weird and refused. Instead, he had us play shiritori, and his punishment for me was to hug him. I was laughing, though, because I had been having a good time besides that, and thought it was even funnier that we got lost on the way back to the station and had to walk by a road of love hotels. We just kept making jokes, which I thought were innocent enough.
Anyway, the last day we go to an aquarium and ferris wheel, and he asks if it's okay to kiss. It seemed polite of him to ask, so I say okay, you can kiss me on the cheek; then he tries to kiss me on the lips and I push him away. He holds my hand when we get off and I ask if friends hold hands in Japan (no, and I don't know how I was so stupid to think anyone does). We walk around, wondering what to do the rest of the night. I say I need to go home soon but we can hang out for a little longer since we won't be able to meet again. He suggests a movie, which is great because I love movies (bad move number seven thousand?). We go to a net cafe, and as soon as he sets up the movie he continues to try to kiss me, and I keep pushing him away, he asks if I hate him, I say no, but I'm trying to watch a dang movie! He settles for kissing my cheek, and tries AGAIN for my lips after saying he loves me.
I tell him I want to go home because I'm going to miss my train. We finally go to the station and he continues to hold my hand. On the train he asks when I'm coming back to Japan and I say maybe after I graduate, but there's no guarantee I can come back to the same place for a job so I can't promise that I'll see him again. He gets a little whiny. I had prepared a (friendly!) goodbye letter for him beforehand and I figure it would be a shame if I don't at least give him that for some closure. I offer to hug him, which he accepts on the condition that we move to a less public place than in front of the ticket gates. I'm totally fed up with reading signals at this point so I give him a quick back-pat and walk away.
In the next week or so, after I left the country he tells me the letter is his new treasure and he'll keep it in his notebook.
I was too caught up in confusing emotions and signals to be able to say it directly at the time, but now he messages me in a while to see how I am and I try to reply as neutrally as possible. Thing is, I only want to be his friend and I don't know whether I should tell that to him over Facebook. I thought he would just lose interest after a while, and it's even possible he's hitting on other girls at the university I went to. Should I even worry about it? I don't want to hurt his feelings or lead him on (I definitely don't want him to think I'm waiting for him, though I thought I made that clear on the train), but it's a little late for that, isn't it?
Advice would be appreciated. Feel free to chew me out for my naivete, I kinda need to figure out how to not do this again.
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