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How to ask a japanese girl out?

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How to ask a japanese girl out? 2007/9/18 02:22
There's this Japanese girl i really like who moved here with her family when she was 10, we've been good friends for a while now and we always talk about relationships, and what we like in another person and stuff.

well she seems to be homesick quite a lot, and sad that she didn't get a chance to stay in japan longer, so i always try my best to make her feel more at home by doing a lot of stuff that's done in Japan. i compliment her on a regular basis in Japanese, and sometimes we even get into small conversations ( my Japanese isn't all that great =x ). i dunno, stuff to make her feel more at home i guess.

anyway back to the main point, i found out that she hasn't ever been asked out in Japanese before! I'm always told by her friends that if i were ever to ask her out that she would say yes, i kind of already know this because we flirt all the time, but i really want to make it special for her by asking her out in a really special spot at night where you can see the stars perfectly, in a very romantic way.

so what would be the best way to ask her out in Japanese? both in a very romantic way, and in a casual way if there's more than one way to ask. reason being is after our 1st date I'd like to ask her out again but in a more casual way, since it'll probably at school or something.

ugh sorry for making this so long, i get too detailed when i type stuff. = /

by Al  

. 2007/9/18 10:01
Just ask her out, "hey do you want to see movie" or whatever be yourself, not some casanova. Its not rocket science.

by John rate this post as useful

Don't listen to John! 2007/9/19 19:09
You know what, if you want to make it special, make it special. At least for yourself. Sorry, I can't really give much feedback on the language, maybe "Daisuki" since Aishiteru would be a little heavy (according to another thread) I dig the stars idea. Maybe somewhere with a view. If you want to go all out, bring a little boombox with some fave song that you both like since that can be your song, hehe.

Seriously, I have lots of buddies who don't give a sh** about romance or their ladies, but it's prolly cuz they don't have any hotties, haha. I've got one and I'm always feeling stupid. If you don't feel that way about someone, I'd rather just be alone and chill.

Good luck!

by Romantic Fool rate this post as useful

Thanks =) 2007/9/19 20:39
Hehe thanks Romantic Fool, I'm glad you understand how I feel. =) she really likes Boa's *Love letter* song as do I, but i didn't think about bringing a boombox which would for sure be a plus, thanks for that idea. I'm taking her out there on Saturday night and I can't wait. I was planning to say "daisuki xx-chan" then something like, "Would you like to see a movie with me?" or "would you like to have lunch/dinner with me?". hehe I dunno, something like that, maybe?

Sooo yeah, If someone could let me know how to ask her out in Japanese that would be awesome, but before Saturday =x If i can't get an answer by then I'm sure I could come up with something, but help from someone here would be greatly appreciated.

by Al rate this post as useful

Go for it 2007/9/19 20:57
I guess you're looking for a "killer line" ?

I don't believe in lines myself they seem tacky and cheesy to me, however other people swear by them.

As you think that your feelings will be requited how about just a heartfelt, simple

issho ni de-to ni ikimasen ka ?

with a long deep look into her eyes ?

Someone with better Japanese might be able to make it sound more smooth.

by Starbucks rate this post as useful

Lines are only lines if... 2007/9/20 06:00
Lines are only cheesy and tacky if you don't mean what you say. It's kinda like karaoke. If you're singing Abba or Hirai Ken, and you're just messing around, of course it's gonna sound cheesy. But to a person who really loves them, or better yet, the person who wrote the song, those words are actually religious.

It's all in your head.

sorry for getting all philosophical about it. But it's true...

by Romantic Fool rate this post as useful

Thanks! 2007/9/20 16:51
Thanks for clearing that up.

I just don't get lines. I always saw the girl I like respond positively to the guy who says the cheesiest thing that pops into his head. It didn't seem romantic to me.

I guess the actual words don't really matter if two people are into each other.

The fact is, some women do think that a clever line is something that can be relied on as a good indication of what a guy is like. What kind of guy spends a long time thinking up clever lines ?

by Starbucks rate this post as useful

To clear it up a bit... 2007/9/20 17:07
I'm not trying to get a "killer line" i just want a good, romantic way to ask her out in Japanese. =x I usually don't use lines, I like to show what I'm feeling instead of saying it most of the time, which is why I'm taking her out to see the stars and setting up a little romantic-type setting. While I'm there with her and we get close, I'll probably just spit out "daisuki, *** -insert Japanese way to ask a girl out here-" at the perfect time, something probably like "will you go out with me?" but in a serious, kind/sweet/romantic way.

I guess you can say I use "lines" on her but when I do, I'm 10000000% serious about it, and I don't sit there thinking about what I'm going to say next to her, it just comes naturally because that's the way i feel. And I think she knows that, which is why we've been so close for so long, but neither of us actually stepping up and saying something to each other.

by Al rate this post as useful

daisuki... kinda strong? 2007/9/20 20:08
hi there, I've been liing in japan for the last year and a half, anyway.

somehow I kinda think "daisuki" is kinda strong for the first time... i dont know, but not even boyfriends say that very often. The work "suki" is strong enough i think. Actually although "aishiteru" is "I love you", I have never heard someone actually say it (besides in songs). The standard is "suki", so maybe stick to that.

also to ask her out, you would usually say something like:

iishioni ocha demo nomenai?

iishioni = together*
Lit: "tea or soemthing else, would you like to drink?"

would you like to drink something?

if you want to go for food you could say:
isshioni, shyokuji demo tabenai?

g/l!

by Hackaroto rate this post as useful

Al, just let your heart freestyle! 2007/9/21 11:09
No bro!

Anything goes. Hey, if I was a girl and I knew some guy spent a lot of time just thinking of a few words to say to me, dange that would blow me away. C'mon ladies, chime in. Isn't that sweet? I personally think that's sweet. I think the key difference between what Starbucks is referring to and what Al is referring to is that Al is actually sincere in what his feelings are. If you're thinking of "clever lines" aka. some lines to just hook up for a one nighter, hell yeah there'll be a difference.

If you want to say daisuki, go for it! We could all die tomorrow. I would hate to think that I didn't tell someone how I truly felt because I thought it was "too strong" Just remember though, you have to really feel it, otherwise it will come off sounding inauthentic and like a cheesy line as others have mentioned.

Good luck!

by Romantic Fool rate this post as useful

Thanks =) 2007/9/21 12:00
Romantic Fool you're awesome, I like the way you think, you're a lot like me when it comes to relationships/women from what i can tell, and even life in general, and it feels good to know that, a lot of people around here are so fake it just gets old not seeing anyone "real" anymore, but you're cool people and i like hearing what you have to say, it's cool knowing that there are more guys out there like that.

Hackaroto, thanks, I actually asked her out today to see what she would say/do, hoping it would be positive, i pronounced it totally wrong and was kicking myself after i realized that, but she giggled and said "like a date?" and all went well from there, we're still on for Saturday night and we've been spending more and more time together, getting closer and closer. Hell, people think we actually are bf/gf since we're with each other almost all the time now. but asking her out for tea at her favorite cafe really made us click and see how it would be if we really did end up becoming bf/gf, and so far it's looking great.

And romantic fool, that last paragraph really said and meant a lot to me and really made me think about it, thanks a lot for that, =) but the more i thought about it, the more i realized how much i really do like her, so there's NO doubt in my mind anymore, and it feels as if it cant go anywhere but up now.

by Al rate this post as useful

. 2007/9/21 12:33
Don't listen to me?

There's no book written about relationships if there was we'll hell the world would be a better place wouldn't it?

I said just be yourself and ask her.

Don't be some Casanova and do some stupid act or line, it makes you and everyone around you look like an idiot.

You say she's been there since she was 10. Well thats useless information if we don't know how old she is now or how long she's been in Japan. I could say I've been studying Math since I was 9, that wouldn't mean much if I were 10 years old would it?

The reason I ask is you might look even dumber trying to ask it in Japanese, if she's been living overseas for a while, (it might be an insult to injury if you blow it). Again JUST BE YOURSELF and not some Casanova.

by John rate this post as useful

. 2007/9/21 12:36
All right you asked her out, good. Like I said, if someone is interested in you, going overboard isn't neccessary. Save all the romance and stuff for the actual date. Asking someone out shouldn't be rocket science.

yes some romance guy is going to come and say I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's wrong, hell we could both be wrong. Relationships can't be written in a book. Thats why you have to look at all options.

by John rate this post as useful

=x 2007/9/21 14:15
John, sorry for not mentioning her age, kinda forgot, I'm 17 she's 19, we've known each other for a good 5 years now, give or take.

One thing that you don't seem to understand is how deeply I care about her, and that by doing this I am just being myself, I'm a giant romantic at heart, and so is she. We both know that we like each other, but we haven't done anything about it, I want to show just how much I care about her by doing something special, I don't think that's unreasonable at all. You also mentioned that if I mess up my Japanese it makes me look stupid, however I'm still learning and she said she finds it very "cute" when I do, but she also finds it very sweet(her words, not mine), that I'm trying to make her feel more at home, and that I'm putting effort into making her happy.

Yes I'm right in some peoples eyes, and in others eyes I'm wrong/stupid/don't know what I'm doing, however, it doesn't matter what other people think, all that matters is what she thinks, and so far she seems to like/enjoy it, and if she didn't like my romantic nature she would have told me long ago, but it turns out that she's pretty much the same way as I am.

It's my fault for not going into much detail, i guess, and i think you didn't quite understand, if this was just any other girl I'd just go up ask her out, and go on the date. But this isn't just some random girl, it's a girl i care very deeply for, so i want to make it special, is that really such a crime? It's better for me to show her how much i care about her, because we've been friends so long, if i just asked her out and continued the normal gf/bf pattern, she might notice something is wrong, like I'm not myself, because she knows that I'm a very romantic person, and she'd definitely be able to tell that I would be holding back, we know each other VERY well and can pretty much read each other like a pop up book.

Live and let live.

by Al rate this post as useful

But you are Cassanova! 2007/9/21 22:33
Haha, hey John, Starbucks, I apologize if I'm coming off as I'm attacking a bit. I don't mean to. I guess it's my reaction since I've had buddies also give me that kind of vibe everytime I've been into someone. Honestly, diff strokes for diff folks. I only started getting a little more defensive when ppl started making this kid feel like he was doing something wrong for just being himself. All of you are absolutely right! You should be yourself. If you happen to be the type of person who doesn't like to say lines "cuz they're cheesy" or try to be romantic because it's not the right time or you're not Cassanova, that's fine. But guess what? There are actually a few of us guys that are. And I can honestly say this, if a girl actually had a chance to experience that energy, the guy with all the looks, money, too cool to do/say whatever would not even have a chance.

As for saying phrases perfectly, maaan.. my gf has the most f***'d up English, haha.. And I find it so freakin cute and adorable. So Al, if your Japanese sucks, guess what? She probably digs it even more since you're trying.

Al, good for you man! I wish you the best! Seriously, f the world! Even if this ends up being the only interaction between you and me in this world, never listen to anybody but yourself and your heart. Trust me, that applies to everything. You'll go waaay farther than ppl who try to hold you back.

Let us know how it goes!

by Romantic Fool rate this post as useful

. 2007/9/21 22:57
In many countries it is illegal for a 19 year old to date a 17 year old, depening on what kind of relationship you may have. SHE will be in trouble.
by Miki-chan (a J-girl) rate this post as useful

=x 2007/9/21 23:50
Yeah Miki-chan, I've thought about that, and even asked questions to police. but as it turns out, people just don't care if it's an age difference as small as 2 years, even police don't seem to care, they mainly focus on the rapists and pedophiles. which is what they should be doing instead of worrying about a 17 year old dating a 19 year old who have known each other for 5 years. sure, it doesn't change the fact that it's illegal, but it also doesn't change the fact that no one cares and no one will get in trouble. I don't know how strict they are in japan when it comes to this, but here in the US when something as minimal as a 17 year old dating a 19 year old, no one seems to notice/care. (this isn't meant to be defensive, rather, I'm just letting you know it's not a problem here in the US, but is it in japan?)

Romantic Fool, Yeah my Japanese does seem to suck lol, but you're right about how much she digs it, she appreciates and thinks it's sweet the ammount effort i put forward, and giggles when i mess it up, we usually both end up laughing and good times are had. I'll let ya know how it goes tomorrow, It's almost 11AM here now and I'm leaving class soonish to go to work (yay half days) so i probably wont be able to respond till sunday/monday, but I'll be sure to let ya know how it turns out. If all goes the way i think it will it'll be great.

by Al rate this post as useful

. 2007/9/22 00:05
I mentioned that for her sake. I have heard stories of when a relationship did not work, the one who is underage would claim to be raped. I am not saying this will happen to you, but I would like her to stay in a safe side.

BTW, I live in U.S. If you truly love her, you would protect her from any trouble, which includes waiting for several months for the relationship to be legal.

by Miki-chan rate this post as useful

. 2007/9/22 01:10
The reason I ask her age is she was 10 and been in the US for 7 years, I think she is more adapt to seeing things from a USA point of view then she is on how it is done in Japan. Even in Japan it is done similar, you like someone you ask them out. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why she's never been asked out in japanese, she's been living in the USA for 7 years, from age 10.

As for the 17-19 year old thing. You may think no one cares, but if something did happen, whatever the case, authorities are known the prosecute on it. If you have had a friendly relationship for a while just wait until everything is legit.

by John rate this post as useful

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