if you guys love each other, there is absolutely no reason you should consider being apart just because of this stuff. unfortunately, some people from older generations just can't shake the bad habits/ideas they were raised with, but that isn't the fault of the younger generation -- we shouldn't have to pay the price. there is nothing in this world that bothers me more than racial stereotypes/prejudices, and i can imagine that for you guys it must be extra hard to live around those things when you are obviously aware that we are all just humans. it's good that your mom tries to be accepting, even if it's a little sad that you can tell she might be doing a little bit of pretending. at least she loves you enough to try and pretend for the sake of your happiness. but that disappointment you see in her -- you just have to accept it so that it doesn't become a burden to you. you don't have to like it, and it's o.k. that you know it's wrong, but as long as she isn't treating your girl badly, i think you just need to feel sorry for your mom for not being blessed with the open-mindedness that you were. it is sad that she was raised in a world that didn't allow her to feel kinship with all people. my parents are Hispanic, and although i have never yet dated a guy from outside my culture, i know my parents would be the same as your mom. they would try to pretend for me, but i know they would be disappointed. and they dont even have historical problems with other cultures that would at least half explain their ideas -- they just simply believe it's best to marry within your own race. do i care? no, not really. i think it's wrong and very sad. but i like guys from lots of different cultures and would never refrain from dating one just because it would cause my parents some disappointment. it's not my fault that they are unwilling to open their minds. i don't think it is selfish of me to be this way, because the fact is that *they* would be selfish wanting me to live my life for them. when they were young they had their chance to make their lives how they wished -- who ever stepped in and tried to tell them what to do? i suppose perhaps that might be the case for some of them, but if it is, then they should really be intelligent enough to understand how it feels, and not want to do it to their children! It is likely, though, that both your parents made their decisions and are living as they chose, and it might be good to tell them that as adults and humans, you deserve the same chance. As for your girl, if her parents are mistreating you, then if she loves you i would think she would do her best to keep you away from that. It must be hard for her if they are calling you names and fighting about you, but she's gotta just know that it's their problem. She can either ignore it, and view it as the unfortunate tantrums thrown by ignorant people, or she can choose to distance herself from them. You sound smart enough to blow it off, too. if you guys end up married, there will probably be some tough times -- but at least you will have tough times as the two of you fighting for your love, not the tough times other couples have fighting against each other. you will both want to save as much of your relationships with your families as possible, and you should, but part of growing up is starting your own family, so you need to be ready to be adult enough to say, "this is my family now, and this is the way we live and these are the things we believe." if either of your parents aren't willing to respect that, then they are being unfair and neither of you have to live with it. if either of you are being mistreated, then the other has to be willing to stand up and defend your relationship and say, "i love you, and you will always be my parents, but you cannot spoil our happiness by trying to control my life." if you and this girl love each other, you could have a future of the greatest happiness you could ever dream of -- holidays, anniversaries, children -- i think that is more important than pleasing your parents. it would be so sad not to give it a chance just because your parents want to make it tough for you. it is worth the try, i think. they got to have their dreams. but for everybody who dreams of having kids, and them being "successful," the fact is that your dreams for them end when those children are old enough to have their own dreams. Parents cannot expect their children to live the life they dreamed up for them once upon a time. And someday if you and your girl have beautiful little K/J kids, you should remember this for when they grow up and have dreams you might not have imagined for them! best of luck to ;)
|