Why did he disappear randomly?

This situation seem to happen often when it comes to Japanese..
Shortly, I was in your same shoes.
I have been corresponding for about and year with a Japanese guy prior my deeparture to Tokyo for study reasons.
Well, in my case, he stopped corresponding to me while I was there. Some of you will say..this is pretty standard..and yeah I agree.
The thing is that me and him connected pretty well and hit off from the first conversation. My gut feeling told me that there were things I didn`t know but time would reveal them eventually..and felt like not totally giving up. I went on with my life in Tokyo, but there was always something or someone echoing about him in my heart.
After almost one year he wrote me an email silencing all my fears and restoring our connection for good..and now we are living together.
This is the short version of a long story.
What I feel like saying..avoid listening to the negative comments .. believe your guts and go on with your life.
Good luck!!

and yes! we met on this site about five years ago. Horrayy!

Update 4/9/2014

To all of the negative comments on here about me or him, is actually all wrong. He did contact me and he isn't married nor does he have a girlfriend. He contact me yesterday and today. He isn't bothered by my message to him or anything of the sort. In fact, he actually apologized to he and he was really sorry about it.

To everyone else that offered advice, thanks for your help! I have nothing to say to the negative people ^^; because you don't know my persona to judge me or him, but okay, lol.

So "Big Ed" you were way wrong, lol because as I said before he has no girlfriend/wife and he did contact me ( ^ ^ ) Nor am I anything you claimed me to be, but thanks for commenting anyways, lol.

Hehe glad you heard back from him :D You sound rather adorable, than obsessive ;) don't mind the neg comment.

So he disappears for 10 days, comes back online, apologizes, and it's all good? I think Big Ed's right. He's probably married.

Kiki,

Thank you very much, especially for being kind and not rude lol. :) I was happy he finally contacted me. I actually think it's line's problem because it's messing up with a lot of people.


ChicagoMike,

He's not married. Haha, trust me, I know.

Don't Worry,

I'm glad you two connected again! I can imagine how you felt during the non-communication. I suppose people that have never been in our shoes don't entirely understand our feelings so they may say negative things.

So "Big Ed" you were way wrong, lol because as I said before he has no girlfriend/wife and he did contact me ( ^ ^ ) Nor am I anything you claimed me to be, but thanks for commenting anyways, lol.

It is always my pleasure to comment and assist any way I can. But I must say....You have never met this person in real life. Never been to his home town or even his house. Never seen him interact with friends or other members of the public. Never been with him at a low point in his life. Never seen him under a stressful situation. Never seen him in a moment of unhidden anger. Never seen him eat, walk, run, skip, hop, sleep, shower, dress, work, play or any other activity that a regular boyfriend / girlfriend would use to form the basis for an opinion on a prospective partner. This guy has just dropped off the end of the world only to reappear and now everything is rosy again???
You still claim he is not married or has a girlfriend. You speak to him maybe 1 or 2 hours a day. That leaves him 22 or 23 hours a day for his real life!

Having said all of that...some people (if you believe what you read around here) do find long term partners in this fashion. Obviously there are no statistical figures to back the odds one way or the other, but I would think these "success stories" are vastly in the minority. Most of the guys getting around here a married and looking for a fling...both Japanese and gaijin ;)

So say Big Ed...

He's not married. Haha, trust me, I know.

So you saw his koseki then?

Big Ed,

Actually we don't talk for 1 or 2 hours a day. It's actually many more hours than that and it's all during video chat. And when I say "many more hours" I really mean that, it's a lot of hours we spend talking to each other! Honestly. I understand what you are saying and I have put that into consideration before. But when you have a gut feeling about something, most of the time it's right. And I do know there are some guys in Japan they come on this site with the intention to flirt with a foreign girl and already have a girlfriend/fiance/wife. I'm not stupid to that, because I've run into a few guys like that. However, some of them admit to already been in a relationship. The guy I've been talking to, isn't like that. Also, I never said anything was fine and dandy. Yes, he did reply back to me and he did explain his reason and apologized to me more times than I can count. I'm sure we'll talk more about it when he has time and explain to me why he didn't say anything sooner. Although, I do have my thoughts on why he didn't and it has nothing to do with him being involved with another girl. He's the type of guy that would tell me he is talking to another girl, has a wife, or girlfriend. This guy despises cheaters and liars for personal reasons he told me, so I know he wouldn't do something like that.


Anon...,

Listen, the reason why I said I know is because of something personal he told me. I'm not that negative about people. My mind doesn't automatically go, "Oh! He has a wife/girlfriend. Maybe that's why." because not everyone is like that, unless it's happened to you (not you, but I meant in general), then maybe that's why people assume that first before anything else. My mind pondered about that for a moment, but it wasn't my first thought because of his personality and how he is. And when I did ponder about it, the thought wasn't there for long.

Big Ed,

Also, I forgot to add that tes, we haven't met in person (but we will very soon), but I've seen him react to some of the things you've mentioned through video cam and he would ask me for advice and so on. Please don't assume things, because some of the things you're saying it's not right. Just because I didn't mention it myself, doesn't mean that he and I haven't yet or seen those things of ourselves for each other, because we might have. However, I'm not focusing on those things, because my topic wasn't about that stuff. Basically what I'm trying to say is that some of your assumptions are wrong.

There are a lot of negative comments on here to this girl. I see some of you trying to help but others aren't helping much. She knows this guy better than any of us because she talks to him. We dont know who he is. She asked for advice but don't bash the situation. What he did wasnt right, ignoring her for that amount of time and then returning was wrong but he did do something right. She said HE APOLOGIZED!! What more do you want to hear? A long explanation of what happened to him during that time? Maybe he wants to tell her his reason on webcam to see her face to face. You never know. Or maybe this guy isn't good with handling situations like this. Not all men are the same. Just because he is Japanese has nothing to do with it. He could be Indian, Korean, Arabic, Australian, Russian, blue, purple or green! All men are different and handle things differently.

To confused girl, I'm glad he did finally respond back to you. I'm sure everyone is wondering what took him so long, when he could have easily taken 30 seconds out of his time to tell you ahead of time, but like you said, line is screwed up, so maybe you got his message late or vice versa for him. Who knows. If that wasnt the case at least you did get a reply. One of my previous boyfriends (white guy) and my current boyfriend (chinese) have done this. I fretted about it but it was because of their work. Not a "secret spouse" or w/e. Men don't like communication as much as some girls do and maybe your guy didn't feel it was that important to text you about it until you said something. Who knows? But I don't think you have nothing to worry about. And don't listen to the negative comments or let them insert thoughts into your head. Some people just want to bring others down. Good luck with your relationship with him! It'll continue to grow even more! I hope you two get to talk more and maybe he'll explain his schedule to you so you can know in the future.

Confused Girl, don't take the forums too seriously. Those of us "negative" commenters are just having a run at you because you sound young and naive, and frankly your continued posts only serve to reinforce that image.

Great that it all worked out! You should know this guys better than anyone else, so stop wasting your time here and go enjoy your time with your friend. Hopefully everything is as good as it seems.

Confused Girl, you came on a public forum and asked the whole world why your internet boyfriend would not talk to you for a week. I mean really why would we have any idea�c.you must know him better than we do. You are now telling us all that everything is fine, you trust him, he is honest, he is not like that, he hates cheaters and you understand him completely. A few days ago you were headless and didn�ft know what to do. A few people advised you to wait a while and cool off. You did not wait and sent him a letter because he would not contact you.
If some of my �gassumptions are wrong�h as you put phrased it this can only be because I don�ft know him right? Why bother asking a public forum why he won�ft contact you if we don�ft know him and need to make �gassumptions�h to give you some idea why this may be?
Personally I feel my earlier prognosis stands as posted previously.
Listen�cyou seem like a nice girl and you seem like a really nice person, so if I�fm completely off track then so be it. Good luck with Mr Random, I hope you aren�ft disappointed�c Maybe you will be one of the minority that make it work

I skimmed through this thread with amusement as this soap-operatic drama (Love at 1st Byte or Skype?) unfolds starring a Confused(more like Infactuated, lovey-dovey) Girl desperately looking for Mr. Right (or Wrong?) and a man who apparently is now contrite
This is just the 1st step.
To assume eveything in the past weeks are now forgotten/forgiven, and henceforth it's a bed of roses with no thorns is just a gross distortion of reality.
Only time will tell if they 'live happily ever after". Also time will heal a broken heart.
An actor Henry Winkler(who?) once said �gAssumptions are the termites of relationships�h
Return a year or three to update this thread on how your journey pro(or re-)gresses.
Stay tuned for the next episode

he doesn't like you much
get over it
anyone not messaging for a week doesn't think that much of you

he's probably got a japanese girlfriend who he's enjoying more than your company at the moment.

find someone else

Just stop commenting everyone and just leave her alone. She asked the question maybe she was a little impatient about it and did some things that didn't really follow some peoples advice, but just stop trying to fight back with her I know everyone is trying to help but maybe she's a little defensive because she might be a sensitive person who knows. Big Ed you were right about her asking the questions, but none of that matters now since he responded back she is happy and maybe she'll deal with it the rest her on her own. All of us need to stop commenting being harsh with her, it may be reality but that reality for her is already come to an end because he replied back to her and maybe they could be talking through it now we don't know what's going on. The girl said she was in her mid twenties so I'm assuming she's maybe 25 or 26, so I'm assuming she can handle the rest on her own despite asking for advice maybe she probably didn't really need it in the first place and maybe just wanted to vent out her problems. And if that was the case she should have done it in a different way. But we're human and we all make mistakes if she's not at fault because we all have flaws. And Big Ed, I think maybe she realized everything you just stated before hand. Although your questions were valid, you were did word some of them in a harsh way so maybe she was being A little defensive towards you because of your comments. I'm sure anyone in her situation would be just as defensive because Maybe they are hurting or whatever. Anyways I think she is done Commenting. At least I hope so, so she can avoid the negativity because she seems like maybe she could be a little sensitive, there's nothing wrong with that but not everyone can handle harsh questions.

I wish you luck, confused girl, because I think that everything will work out just fine. Have a good life! :-)

@Dont Worry can you expand on your story? Do you find that the Japanese will sometimes explain after many weeks, months, years? Confused girl said something about a friend being contacted after nine months?

@confused girl How long have you two been corresponding? Im glad he responded finally. You must feel relieved.

Each couple`s ldr biography gets a different biography according to partner respective setting.
Age, work, social status determine greatly wheter you can take it to the next level or not.
In our case, five years ago, it was unthinkable to be sharing the same house in a new country, new to both of us.
Lets make a big step behind, replying to your question.. I do find that some Japanese, like my boyfriend, disappear for a longer period of time.
We spend weeks, if not months, like me questioning ourselves what did we do wrong..
Well..its not worth it.
My idea based on my experience is that such behaviour is part of their culture and its not necessarily negative.
If they were true in the things they say, and usually we do sense that, they eventually will come back..
The reasons of their sudden disappearance can be everything. This is simply their way to deal with some life issues.
After a long time I was explained why he behave like it.
Obviously I would have preffered if he didn`t do it..
But I concur with him that in our case to disappear we wouldn`t be together now.
Our cases involved life goals which needs your total dedication before...you can "gather all your shit together" and start thinking of building a nest of your own.
So, yes, some of them will come back and hopefully explain.

By Don't Worry:
The reasons of their sudden disappearance can be everything. This is simply their way to deal with some life issues.

Wow, I wish I was a Japanese male. Don't like something or if things get too hard just disappear for a while...no explanation required...seems weird to me.

Is it the same with work I wonder? Just not show up for a month or two, then "I'm back...now where were we again?" I think not. So it's OK to leave you girl friend for a month or two with no explanation but still go to work and perform all other usual activities??