Do Japanese say "I Love You"?

Droberts : I think your situation is a little different. Infact I went through a similar situation when my wife was staying with me in the UK. I went to work one day and came home to find she had booked a plane ticket back to Japan without my knowing.

I think it's home sickness! Why not offer to go to Japan with her? You can find work pretty easy if you stick to the major city areas like Osaka or Tokyo. I garuntee she will improve once you get there ( here ). Well... atleased until she gets a Job which is when you should keep an eye on her... Boss's in Japan tend to hit on their employees ALOT! they think : Hmm I have a conversation with this girl every day , I know her well. I must sleep with her.

Oh I wanted to move to Japan with her. In fact, it was my biggest dream, but I cannot go right now and she knows this. I have to go through chemotherapy or the cancer will spread and I will surely die. She and I had also agreed that I would finish school before we moved to Japan so that I could get a great job there with my new college degree and so that she would have plenty of money and that she wouldnt have to work. Trust me, I have begged and pleaded and I have offered to do ANYTHING to have her stay with me. Honestly, she is just being cruel right now. She KNOWS that I cannot go anywhere because without my treatments I will die. Believe me, I want to keep her with me more than anything...I have even considered the possibility of giving up my chemo treatments to go with her...I really don't think that would be a good idea however. I think that even if she is homesick right now that she should have been more supportive in staying with me when I needed her the most and put her wants secondary for now. She knows that I would do anything for her to make her happy when I am better. I appreciate the advice, but I think she has already made up her mind to satisfy what SHE wants and has forgotten about me. I don't think I have ever been this hurt before in my life. I am truly devestated.

watashi wa onatowa i seewa su

not sure but I think its supposed to be:

watashiwa anataga aishiteru

would make more sense, ne.

Hi there,

I've been married ten years now to a Japanese and my wife never spontaneously told me she loves me. It was hard for me at first but I got used to it and now I'm just joking about it. I love to ask her why don't you tell me you love me... With a very swift reply she will say'I love you ' I know she really loves me but just doesn't seem it important to express it verbally.... So it took me a while to understand but I accept the fact now she doesn't tell me she loves me, so maybe it's the same case in your situation, so you shouldn't worry so much..

Dirk Luc Henry

Theres hardy a day does not go by when I dont hear "I love you". Its so often, its a bit like some Japanese saying sorry too often.

Dont ever let any Japanese pull the wool over your eyes with this,"Japanese dont do this" routine.

If you ever ask them a question all their answers will probably vary. Then ask them why they think that and the answer will be, "Because I am Japanese".

My new boyfriend of one month says this to me many times everyday but with such a gentleness and whisper voice. It makes me melt inside. I am thinking it is just an excuse to pretend no Japanese will say this.
I am hoping things will progress in my relationship. My boyfriend asks me many questions about my family's longevity and hereditary health. Is this hopeful for us. My heart says yes...Anyone to advise me?

Hi, I am a Japanese who used to marry with an English guy. " I love you " in English is more easy to say actually, because it is not my mother tangue. For me, if I say in Japanese, "Daisuki=I love you" make me feel shy...but I often said these things both Japanese and English make sure both of us understand, reached our heart also I am very affectionate person so I covered up him kisses, hugs, and cuddle all the time. Why I got divorce was he didn't say much, didn't show much. So I was not sure if he really loved me and felt insecure. I didn't receive any. Finally, when I announced I want to get divorce, he was astonished and couldn't accept it but it was too late. I think culture difference can't be excuse. If you are really love someone, you should tell, show to let partner to know. I think your wife seems to have problem and should be more westurnized because she was a person to decide to marry with westurn! When I was in UK, I often spent time with his parents, we had a great relationship, they loved me so much. I really don't think that it is not fair spending time with them than my parents. Because I was a person to decide to marry with him and it iwas international marrige so no choice, one of us have to suffer this kind of missing feeling. Then why does he need to give up to see his parents because of me? I'd rather make him and his paretns happy. I think your wife should try to be more open and put herself into your society. I think she has problems. I don't accpet any excuse not to show their love or express their love.

For Girl who used to be married to British guy- I am so sorry that you had a bad experience. I am like you in that I am very affectionate too. Luckily my boyfriend is also very affectionate. Even he kisses the phone when we talk by phone.He is Japanese and I was wondering if such a romantic man is common or am I just very lucky?

Surely you'd have to be certain that he didn't love you before you suddenly asked for a divorce? There must have been some bigger problem than just the fact that he didn't tell you what he felt?

Divorce is still a big deal in the UK, even though it's much more common than in Japan.

In my experience, if you know someone well enough to want to marry them, you should be able to tell most of the time what they are thinking...the fact that he was surprised when you asked for a divorce suggests that it was a lack of communication, not a cultural issue, that was the problem. Or he didn't pay enough attention to you.

hmmmm, I asked him to be affectionate, asked him to tell me "I love you" many times if he loves me. I warned him I needed those. I was only person to show love. He repeated he couldn't change his personality, he was not kind of person to do sweet or saying I love you. Even if he loved me (when I left UK, that's was his last word), if I couldn't feel, I think no point. We are human being, we should communicate with our language. Maybe we were not suit each other. I couldn't be happy with that kind of person. He was more like old fashioned Japanese guy(?)
Before I decided to get divorce, we talked about "I love you" things many times. He didn't change didn't take seriously, I guess. He was totally secure with my love, because he felt my love all the time and trusted he could keep me rest of his life without any effort. I gave him chances but he didn't try. After I divorce, I had a few boyfriends (westurn) so far and realised that my ex was just lazy. Now I am very happy to know most westurn are affectionate as I expect.

I met 2 wonderful japanese boyfriends at the same time when i was in japan 4 yrs. ago. The one who truly loved me was the 1 i loved the less. he was caring and always concern w/ my feelings he always utter ''i love u'' evryno & then. But i met this guy who happens to be a strong willed one so i go after him & was impressed w/ him. Though the 1st one was more gorgeous i find the 2nd interestng so i dumped the 1st one in favor of the 2nd but he never told me he loves me even once so i miss the other 1 but it was too late for me to realized that. The 2nd guy dumped me, t'was karma so after 2 yrs. i met the 1st guy again & he was still inlove with me but it was too late i was married ( to someone else) then. Now how i wish i could just talk to him again, as friends perhaps. he was really a nice guy.

I understand what you mean...I too asked her to tell me that she loved me and she wouldn't. In fact, she wasn't affectionate at all. Just cold. Then she left me.
Guess I know why she never would say she loved me now.

I've been reading all the comments here and they're so interesting!
Well, 'a girl who used to married English' said her ex-husband didn't say 'I love you' even when she wanted him to, because he couldn't change his personality. Now I think that's bulls***. If he'd truly loved her, he would've done anything to make her happy. For example, I'm a quiet person, not outgoing at all and I don't like big parties, but my boyfriend loves them (he's the opposite of me in this aspect of relationship)so I organise parties with him and try to be more outgoing though I don't necessarily like it! And my boyfriend does the same for me whenever I want to do things that he doesn't.
True love makes you unselfish. You always think of the other person and a relationship is all about compromise!
So I think if the other person is not prepared to put in the effort or not willing to listen and compromise, then he/she is not worth it.
And as someone else said, your gut instinct is a good indicator as well. I guess somewhere at the back of your mind, you always know if someone truly loves you or not.

I am a little late, but I would like to ask/say somethings.

Droberts, may I ask do you have a precise answer of why this girl married you if she did not love you?
Why got she so often offended if she did not love you?
If she was not in love with you it will be the same to her what you do and how are your things.
I asked about offended, I mean that she could be offended without reason, not that you were reason. Just she could feel lonely ,homesick.
It is not my business, but what you tell is like she loved you.
I also confussed about what to do when a person does not suit you, or you him.Is it better to divorse or not? it is more like unhappiness that you get hurt and hurt him.
I did not understand this how a person did hide everything inside.( Now I understand but that does not help to make nice pair.
I got it when I got a friend who did not like to talk,or to tell about himself or about his feelings, but he wrote e-mails, and does not want to stop, then another friend the same. It is like I attract such people.
and when you see more than one man such inexpressive persons you began to understand, their feeling can be even deeper.

By the way, I have too friends: a very expressive Japanese friend Masa, we are only friends , but he writes ''love'' in the end of the letter every time. And the other not expressive at all is an African man.
I tell this because African men are considered very emotional , and Japanese men otherwise.
So it is really not nationality thing.

If he'd truly loved her, he would've done anything to make her happy.

But, if she truely loved him, wouldn't she have done anyting to make him happy? Or at least accepted his cultural background and personality?

My husband & i dated for 3 yrs & just got married 2 yrs. ago. He is a japanese who at his 35's pretty bchelor til we got married. His talents,looks, confidence & his mysterious type made my knees shiver but as times flew i fell in love with him. The courtship? He didn't told me he loves me not even once. The gifts and all were generous but no words of love in the air. So i didn't think he was serious until he gave me a surprise visit in my country & later told me that we are getting married w/ a ring on his pocket but not a single proposal was uttered. And to the church we headed. He gave me a spouse visa after & as much as i wanted to be w/ him he told me that it is better f we r apart. Me working in my country & him in his own. He will come to visit me now & then & when he retires that's when we can b 2gether. Odd as it seems but tried to follow hm not 2 mention d sched of call w/c s only every sunday. After 3 months, i resigned in my job & to japan i go. I clean, wash & make his dinner but we seldom talk. It was d routine & tried 2 adopt d culture til i saw a loveletter by him wellkept while he never sent me 1. Told me that it is not their culture to write loveletters & soso. But the letter was full of love & regret that the other girl got married w/ a caucasian. He stated his love clearly & i realized it was not really for me, the fact that it was written in japanese. I ache for him i know that he is hurting inside w/ his unhealed broken heart & i am here, a wife??? I love him so dearly that i would love to set him free f he s not happy w/ me but the girl he loves was already married to caucasian too so where do he go from here? I never mentioned this to him but at times i attempt to make love w/ him since we hadn't made love for 2 yrs & no baby yet, i wonder what am i doing w/ my life. I know d reason now. I was planning to go back to my own lil life but he was nice to me as a person. He didn't do anything wrong. So i rethink and told myself that maybe he loves me & needs me in some other ways. And so i stayed, looked for a decent job that requires my skills & stay til he wants me out of his life... Still, he never utterd Aishiteru, no hugs at night, no goodnight kisses, no holding hands in the street & no goodbye kisses i came to realized that i loved him more. Oh! life that God gave us works in so many mysterious ways.

I was impressed with the kind of answers and so with the well researched explanation in english. I love you guys. By the way, i have this one million question that would love to ask. Is it normal with the japanese men not to wear the wedding rings? What if their feelings fade do they have to keep their silence so as not to hurt others rather than to free themselves? Is he waiting for me to say that i could no longer take it? I love being in love with my husband & i would love it to share some things with him. To feel his pain and joys forget about cultures and so. Just the feeling of existence in this universe not to live by the norms & traditions. Not because "WE ARE JAPANESE" thing but simply as an individual human being. Oh no this is not part of the question, this is what i want to tell him that i have no idea how to express in japanese coz i know that you have different ways in saying it. Thanks again for the info you have shared. My questions may it be or not be answered but atleast i had shared my thoughts & may this be read & hope someone someday will learn about just being themselves and free of all "what ifs". "I love you" when uttered enlightens us but when it is expressed in action it lifts us up. Still, we hope they try to utter it at least once a year hmmm! Love loses it's meaning if it wasn't expressed when he/she still exist. Like for instance when someone dies, we give them good funeral since it is a tradition but the dead will not need any of those it will just be rotten down under. Ah, maybe that is the wonder of love- sometimes we know it can happen and most of the time we don't. And if ever we do it will lose it's meaning too.

no they do not say "i love you" to anyone in the family or among the friends. Maybe "i love you" is reserved for those in love for a short period of time. after this period of time the the words is weaning off untill maybe some unexpected event to occure

I have been reading your posts 3x & i feel sad. I hope you are ok now & i hope you are still together. My husband and i went through the same situation but ours was worst. We have manage to still be together for almost 2 years. Our story is a lil bit complicated individuals. I am hoping that you will get through it too. Anyway, my husband still don't say i love you nor aishiteru but i try to say it everyday till the day he will say it, i will wait. Thanks to Uco too, i have been reading all his posts and anwers very informative. Have a nice evening everyone.

After reading so much of this post. I often hoped I'd never would have to post here with my questions too. But now, I fall to this too. Right now, I am dating a Japanese girl, who I have not known very long about 7 months. In alot of her actions she seems like she loves and cares for me. Right now we are having a distanced relationship. What bothers me is that she can express her love for me in English words very well, but she says she cannot say the Japanese "aishite iru" because of shyness. I think to myself maybe she cannot say this because maybe it was similiar what Azumi wrote or maybe she does not really feel love. Or at least that is what I wonder? Her personality does have a shyness to it but she also says maybe when we meet again she does not think she could say it too my face as well. And I have to say that bothers me. I would never expect her to say this all the time, because I think us westerners say it more often than we should. Because this is all so new for me, I don't want to misunderstand her, but I also don't want to be the fool. Just figured I'd add my story too.