Do Japanese say "I Love You"?

Could I interrupt your talk for a moment?

I heard Italy has many well-stocked libraries unlike small libraries in Japan,
How about the following if it is difficult to use them for any reason?

This is a site of my personal favorite univ..
Hagakure
http://web.mit.edu/port/www/pdf/Hagakure.pdf

This is a site which my former trainee told me.
BUSHIDO...The Soul of Japan
http://www.sacred-texts.com/shi/bsd/

I am very interested in how our Bushido differs from your Chivalry.
I heard Italian Knighthoods make it morality to respect ladies and to serve.
In honor of your country which has legacy of chivalry,......
Gasshou Rei,

Hello!

I would like to add something to what is said.
It is a little late though.


About the words: I love you.
I think that it is possible not tell somebody: i love you even when you feel so.

I tink so because I remembered to not tell '' I love you to my mother even once.
Even when she was sick once I felt love most and wanted to say very much but I could not tell her, because I felt more embarraced that ever.

But she knows very well that I love her, but cannot say it.

Hardly this is the same as couple relationahip but it can be

that when other people say you that they are shy to say : I love you, that can be can be truth.

And about a person holding leeters of old time.
I know some people who do it, not because they still love the people but because it jolds some of nice memory.
I had as poem, a boy wrote it to me. And I held it for years, but we were only friends, no love feeling from me.

Simply it is a memory, who would write me a poemelse?! :)
If i through that away then get no othr poem or forget something from when I was smaller.

Angelstell ,maybe that is the same?

And some words to Italian Samurai. I have no time to argue with you and do not want besides but
I think that you missinterpret my words:

I did not say Angelsteel was right nor wrong, as you said that I said or meant it.
I said it is her own way.

I did not say yuo(we ) should respect her.
For me I respect her, because of a lot of good qualities, but for you do as you wish.
I never said YOU should respect her.

You can be rude as you wish it. As others can be not rude.
But if you cannot accept other's views is it nessesary to be rude?


And human dignity is not one stayed by you what is right.There are others ideas of dignity that is right for them because they comfortable to leave with these ideas
What you said is you idea of human dignity. It is only you , not everybody thinks like you.

"But if you cannot accept other's views is it nessesary to be rude?"....

Yes Phuong... sometimes it is necessary to be rude!!!
However, please mind, I am not "rude" to her or to someone else... I'm rude to "what" is rude!!!, and despite of customs or traditions or, as you say, "other's views"...
In other words, Phuong-san, I don't agree at all with customs when customs are nothing but ancient people's stupidity or ignorance, or worse, crimes, just real crimes!..

Bushido as an ethical system, the institutions of suicide included??.. Or Maya's traditions in killing wildly young boys and girls??...
No, thanks!, I prefer to be rude...
To be polite doesn't mean to accept "other's views" anyway!
And let's say the truth, OJT-san... courage, politeness, loyalty, honour... BUT...samurais were basically just killers! And none would blame me... I do love Japan and its History!
Nevertheless many centuries of human history made me a "free-man"... free to distinguish what is "good" and what's "bad", what to agree with and what to condenm.
But it's not me the Judge....I am only "son of my century"... History is the Judge.

And never mind if you call me "rude"... that's my way to be "Italian-samurai"... a free-man as first, and then samurai... perhaps "rude" but also able to say the most wonderful words in the world : "ai shiteru "....

It seems to me that you didn't read those sites.
"Hagakure" was written in Edo era, and "Bushido" was written at the beginning of Meiji era.
You may have imagined the early samurai of older pre-Warring States Period than them.
(Although I want to personally recommend you to read "Bushido" first,....)
I am truly regretful that I don't be able to tell Bushido(the path of Samurai) to a true man like you for my broken English.

Italian Samurai, keep your point I'll keep mine.We are not seem to come withb this anywhere.

Hokano hito no jiyuu wo sonchou shinai anata no fujiyuusa wo watashi wa
aishimasu. See I am also able to say it! :)

droberts, it's been awhile - was the chemotherapy successful? Were you both able to reconcile?

You opened a subject which many of us out here are living – thank you. The responses here show just how complicated love can be, and are very thought provoking.

My wife is Korean and I too struggle with her not being able to say “I love you”, not because I need to hear it but rather because I fear not doing so is a “kink” in the armor of our marriage. Yet at the same time there’s always so much more other than stating “I love you” that can be done to help with that.

I come from an Italian background (I was born and raised in the states although my parents were from Italy) where the tendency leans towards verbal expressiveness. Asian cultures seem to be more action oriented (“show love instead of saying it” as my precious wife would say).

Marital love is a difficult beast. In my experience it’s a goal that cannot be achieved completely but rather something to be strived for. It’s not about taking but about giving. I see it as a parent loves a child, unconditionally without expecting anything in return; and in marriage it reaches a delicate harmony when both spouses can do so with each other. It’s 100%/100%, not 50%/50%. And it hurts when we doubt, fear, or discover our spouse is far from knowing how to love us in a healthy way, or perhaps not love at all (e.g. divorce which is self serving and fatalistic – just the opposite of love).

The loss of love often teaches us to love others more deeply, which isn’t really comforting when we’re on the short end of the stick…

I hope your cancer is in remission. With your experience, you’ll certainly be a better lover to whom a bright woman from any culture will treasure.

hey dave how do you say Aishite iru or Daisuki like the symbolizings in english?
-Joe:)

Kimi ha shougai daijina hana ichirin.

We're from different cultures and there is no hope that we can be together in the same place except when he comes over to work a few times a year. I did my very best in actions to make him feel that I love him and I think he recognizes it. It is meaningless to tell him! Sometimes action is better than words!

"Sometimes action is better than words.".

That's so true. but,.....
Who judges whether words are meaningless or not?
I think that we have to understand many different styles.

Ai.
http://www.geocities.co.jp/Playtown-Rook/9602/determination.html

"Sometimes action is better than words.".

Yes, I also agree without some actions to back up these words, the words become meaningless. And if the words are used haphazardly and often, they can lose their meaning too. But these words of "I love you" have their importance too. And there is nothing wrong with saying and wanting hear the words "I love you" in any language.
Because it is obvious sometimes just saying these words in the truest intent, can have the most powerful effect(the first time it is said). So to me both action and the words are equally important.

Hi everybody,

I am an early 30s Chinese woman and recently have met a Japnese man who looks like mid-late 40s. Why do I say ''looks like''? because he didn't want to tell me his age even if we have been dating for 2 months. Do Jap men mind to tell their age? or Japanese men feel embarrasse to date a girl 10+ years younger???

Besides, he never tell me about his past love history, don't Japanese men never talk about this?

On one hand he acts like a conservative Japanese like avoiding eye contacts, never hold hand on the street....etc, but on the other hand he gave me goodbye kiss on the 2nd time we met, and told me from his daily email that he smiles because of me! Mind, I am getting so confused....

I must say I really like him but hiding his age does hesitate me to go further....

Can anyone give me some advice?? Help.....

Romanticism

I read your comments droberts..very touching...I've been knowing my j-gf for over 8 months...she visited me twice and i went to japan once...we actually fell in love in Japan..she used to tell me daisuki yo and aishiteru and koishiteru..but now she isn't telling me that any more..i love this girl but now...the last couple of weeks were horrible..we still chat and she trie sto show me..true hearts and flower icons that she does care..but I confronted her and she doesnt give me an answer..so I know how you're feeling mate...you have all my solidarity..God Bless You..

I'd appreciate it if you don't expect my views, because I'm older than him and my experience will be not your guide as such.

"Do Jap men mind to tell their age?"

May I ask you something? You have already asked him his age, right?
If so, somehow I feel that's so strange.
I don't be able to understand about a reason why he conceals his age.

"He never tell me about his past love history, don't Japanese men never talk about this?"

I guess that's a possibility.
Since I exchanged letters with her at fourteen(a student of all-boys' school) and got married after 8 years(a student of dept. of tech. which lacks women's touch), I have known my Japanese wife only.
But, because the way to live is different from each other, maybe there will be men who have diverse experiences.
If he has some love experiences, I think he will probably not tell you about his past love history.
If his mind is never veneer of sincerity, I think he is worried about insulting to you.
Do you truly want to know it?
In the case of Chinese men, how about it?

hey guys there!

i'm a filipina college student of 18, who has a a 28-year old japanese boyfiend. We are seriously having our relationship for about 6 months.

everytime he was calling or we're having a date, he kept on saying "i love you", in different language, aishiteimasu, aishiteru, daisuki, suki dayo...... even in filipino language, i've taught him.

and i makes sense, i mean, it makes me feel inspired and confident that he truly love me. Our relationship won't be the same if it's gone.

Hi OJT san,

Thanks so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.

I didn't really ask directly how old he is, but on the 2nd time we met, I told him how old I am, then he said: "I am too old to tell you my age..." After that, whenever we mention about age or timing, he is always very careful not to disclose any clue.... Maybe our 2nd time meeting was too early to talk about age.....??? I really don't know.

However, may I ask generally in your society/culture, do mid-late 40s Japanese men feel embarrase to have a young girl friend? Recently he goes to the fitness club very often seems he would like to shape up himself. Maybe he wants to look younger..... If this is true, he is so sweet.

I really like him.

Have a great day!
Romanticism

It's I, not you, who should thank. Thank you for your kindness which read with favor my broken English. (English is equal to the language of Mars for me.).

"I didn't really ask directly how old he is.".
I see.
Let's think after other explanation, because we should look the fact very carefully.

"...generally in your society/culture...".
Most of 40s Japanese men wouldn't feel embarrassment.
There are a lot of couples with age gap all over the town. And as long as they follow public morals, nobody cares about them. Additionally, they don't care what other people think of their age gap.

About public morals,......
Subconsciously, many Japanese have insider and outsider mentality. And simultaneously, general manners make a clear distinction between the public and private domain(or the sense of space).
You said about them, don't you?
"never hold hand on the street....etc, but on the other hand he gave me goodbye kiss on the 2nd time we met, and told me from his daily email that he smiles because of me! Mind, I am getting so confused.... ".
I fully recognize your confusing.

Well, about his age......
I never want to suspect your valued friend. It is because I cause hurt to you at the same time.... but,I still have problems at his words and deeds, and a weak hunch that they may have other meaning in as far as I have read your sentences.
Would you give me some time to think?

Although I bethought of his age within the limits of the limited information to which I was given by you, I didn't be able to get unambiguous conclusions since there are too many possibilities.
I sincerely apologize to you. I am very sory.

Dear Mr. OJT,

Thanks for your comments earlier! Referring back to the Japanese website as supplied by you dated 10th November, I'm very keen to get to know what the main theme is about with the Japanese story! Is it about 'love and marriage?' ,'Religions?' ,
'Life and death?' Do you mind to do a little bit of translation and give some ideas on what it is as the motion pictures appear quite interesting!

Best Wishes!

Truth love