Translation From Japanese To English

This is the paragraph I want to translate:
Hello, my name is Toby! I am 14 years old and from England, when I am older I want to live in Japan and become a train driver, however, I need good Japanese. Please help me and I will be very greatful. Thanks!
If you could translate that paragraph I would be very greatful! Thanks!:)

Something like this:

Hello, my name is Toby!
Yoroshiku, Toby desu!

I am 14 years old and from England
Eigirisu ni sunde 14 sai otoko desu.

When I am older I want to live in Japan and become a train driver, however, I need good Japanese.
Otona ni naru toki ni, Nihon ni sumitai shi, densha shashyou ni naritai. Demo, boku wa nihongo ga jyouzu ni naru beki desu.

Please help me and I will be very greatful.
otetsudau iitadakereba, taihen arigatai to omoimasu.

Thanks!
Arigatou!

Where will you use this Japanese and for what?
Letter or Speech?

Thank you very much!:D Arigato! And, I need to ask my step mum for Japanese lessons since she is Japanese!

Hello Toby,

Then your father married to a Japanese woman recently and you will introduce yourself to her and ask for Japanese lesson? Congratulations to your family!

It seems to be very nice story. Your step mother will be delighted.

My translation is...

Hello, my name is Toby!

Kon-nichiwa (Okaasan), boku wa Tobii desu.
こんにちは　（おかあさん）、ぼく　は　トビー　です。
If you say "Okaasan" you will express your feeling that you are accepting her as your mother. This is personal thing, then you do not need to insert it.

I am 14 years old and from England,

Boku ha juu-yon sai desu.
ぼくは　14さい　です。
I think you do not need to say you are from England (of course, she would have already known).

when I am older I want to live in Japan and become a train driver,

Ookiku nattara boku ha nihon ni sunde densha no untenshi ni naritai desu.
おおきく　なったら　ぼく　は　にほん　に　すんで　でんしゃ　の　うんてんし　に　なりたい　です。

however, I need good Japanese. Please help me and I will be very greatful. Thanks!

Sorede nihongo ga jouzu ni naritai desu. Boku ni nihongo wo oshiete kuretara totemo ureshii desu. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu.

それで、にほんご　が　じょうず　に　なりたい　です。ぼく　に　にほんご　を　おしえて　くれたら　とても　うれしい　です。
よろしく　おねがい　します。

Good luck!

I think frog1954's version is so great.
If you read it for her, she will be deeply moved, I think.

Sorry, I was not able to understand what is "my step mum", by the way.(x_x;

Thanks frog! :D and ajapaneseboy, my step mum is not my real mum, my father just split up with my real mum and got married to a japanese lady!