Review Host family Email

私のホストファミリーのメールをなおしてください。Please review my email to my host family.

ホストファミリーへ
すっかり秋らしくなってまいりましたがいかがお過ごしですか。
はじめまして。私はジェシカです。アメリカ人です。二十二歳です。お宅でホームステイさせていただいてありがとうございます。ご無沙汰しております。何をするが好きですか。趣味は何ですか。どんな仕事をしていますか。関西学委員で日本語を勉強してうれしいです。会うのを楽しみにしてます。
皆様にどうぞよろしく。

Line 1: ホストファミリーの皆さんへ　(to EVERYONE at my host family)

Line 4:
Is this the first time you are writing to them?
Then ご無沙汰しております cannot be used. This is "long time no see" to people that you have known but haven't written/talked for some time.

From Line 4 onwards:
You "might" want to write a bit more about yourself rather than bombarding them with a series of questions :)

Line 4: I assume the school name must be: 関西学院. Please check the kanji name.

If you are yet in your country and are talking about doing a home stay and studying Japanese at the college in the future, I might want to change the two sentences:
お宅でホームステイさせていただいてありがとうございます
関西学院で日本語を勉強してうれしいです
...because this sounds like you ARE already doing home stay and ARE studying, but I don't want to correct your sentences too much, because your e-mail will tell your host family about your language skill too :) so, a question to you: どのくらい日本語を勉強してきましたか？

ホストファミリーの皆様へ
すっかり秋らしくなってまいりましたがいかがお過ごしですか。
はじめまして。私はジェシカです。アメリカ人です。二十二歳です。○×さんのお宅でホームステイさせていただきます。
○×さんは何をするが好きですか。趣味は何ですか。どんな仕事をしていますか。
関西学院で日本語を勉強することができてうれしいです。会うのを楽しみにしています。
どうぞよろしくお願いします。

Thank you for your advice. To answer your questions this is actually the second time I'm writing them since I wrote a letter for my host family a while before that gave more information about myself. I wanted to try to learn more about them before I meet them but I don't want to overwhelm them with questions.
二年から日本語を勉強しました。I think my Japanese level is low.
たすけってくれてありがとう。

Then you need to skip "はじめまして," that's something you write when you are writing for the first time :) And they know your name, age, and nationality already I assume? If you know their family name as well, it might be nicer to put the name in, instead of saying "to my host family."

Then you might want to add something like: "Time for my visit to Japan is approaching, I want to ask you a little more about yourselves" and then ask a few questions.
Do you want to give that a try yourself? :)

I might change the structure/sentence order as follows.

ホストファミリーの皆さんへ or ＸＸさんへ　if you know the family name.

こんにちは。ジェシカです。ご無沙汰しております。
すっかり秋らしくなってまいりましたがいかがお過ごしですか。

お宅でホームステイさせていただいてありがとうございます。
You must have thanked them already before for providing you with homestay, so I might change this sentence to say "I look forward to staying with you."

And here I might insert "Time that I come to Japan is approaching, so I would like to know/ask a bit more about you" kind of sentence.

何をするが好きですか。趣味は何ですか。どんな仕事をしていますか。= do you know what kind of family members there are?
関西学院で日本語を勉強してうれしいです。= this I might suggest revising to say "to be able to study Japanese at..."

会うのを楽しみにしてます。
皆様にどうぞよろしく。

Ok. In addition to skipping はじめまして should I also take out my name etc? I do know their family name but I'm not sure how to address all of them with it. Do I put さん?　Oh I see you answered. Oh I'm not sure how to say it is approaching I just know that ます can be I will do something as well as I am doing something. Ah I'm also not sure how to phrase the sentence of asking them more about themselves. I'm not sure how to say "about". たくさんわかりませんね！Ok so 関西大学院で勉強できます？Potential form right?
Thanks so much for your help!
ありがとうございます！

Some suggestions:

- For the "time is approaching," instead you can simply say "I will be going to Japan in (month/year). It is soon." "sugu" = soon.
- To ask them more about themselves, you can say "please tell/teach about XX-san." "XX-san ni tsuite..." is the way to say "about XX-san."
- Have you learn the "koto" structure yet?

I can give you the whole e-mail in Japanese, but then that would give your host family the impression that you are fluent in Japanese, so I thought you should be writing it (with help here and there) in sentences you can understand and construct yourself if need be... thus my slow help. I hope you understand :)

Also I do know the family members are お父さんとお母さんとおばあさんです。I will also be staying with another international student.

Also how could I word that I'm looking forward to staying with them? Thank you.

When I wrote "do you know what kind of family members there are?" I was just trying to come up with a question you might ask, but you already have the answer, so no worries :)

I hope you will give it a try yourself to write out the sentences (simpler ones I suggested in my post dated 2013/9/9 8:27) :)