Asking to come in while one sleeps

So this happened to me twice, by two different male Japanese friends, but I'll narrate only the most recent one.

So this friend wanted to hang out, but very early in the morning and I told him that I'd rather not go as early as 8am as I have problems waking up usually.

So he suggested that I could leave my front door open, and he can come into my house while I'm asleep and chill/sleep in a different room so as to"not disturb my sleep", so when I wake up we could chill in the house for a bit before we go out for lunch

I know this sounds weird and creepy and I should not agree with it. However because this is the second time I got asked the same question to "just leave the door open and I'll let myself in while you're asleep so I don't disturb you" twice by two different people with different personalities, I am wondering if this is like..a normal thing in Japan? Or are they taking advantage of me being a foreigner?

Note: I'm a female, been living in Japan for two years and have my own apartment (rather big)

NO.

No, it's not normal at all.

Generally speaking, it's not very common in Japan to just chill at a friend's house (i.e. coming over just to hang out, with no set purpose like "We're making hot pot," "We're gonna watch a movie," "We're gonna have a drinking party" etc.). I've lived in Japan for 20 years, and I can count the number of times I've gone over to a Japanese friend's place just to chill.

Coming over just to chill before 8 in the morning is even weirder, because obviously the person was in their own home just before that. So, if your friend can get to your home before 8 while you're still asleep, they can just as easily stay in their own home and time their departure so they'll arrive after you're awake and ready to spend time with them. It's not like "Oh, I finish work at 5, and you won't be ready until 5:30 but I don't want to go all the way home first."

Even weirder is the suggestion that he'll sleep in another room while you're sleeping in yours. So he's going to wake up in his own home in the morning, get dressed and cleaned up, come over to your house, and sleep again? Why wouldn't he just continue sleeping in his own house until you're ready to spend time together?

And last, weirdest of all, is the suggestion that you should leave your door unlocked all night while you're sleeping so he can let himself in. Nobody in Japan does that.

It's baffling that you've had two people ask you if they can do that. Do they know each other? It's a super sketchy suggestion.

(same poster as above)

Sorry, that should have been "I can count the number of times I've gone over to a Japanese friend's place just to chill on one hand." In other words, it hardly ever happens.

That is definitely not normal.

No.

While meeting up at such time in the morning and leaving for somewhere after having breakfast together are quite normal in some countries including my country in Asia, many Japanese even avoid making a phone calling. Leaving the door unlocked and sleeping in the home of friend who is not the same gender are definitely not normal.

Since that is too out of the ordinary, it would work perfectly as an obvious joke. I mean, giving a copy of your door key to express devotion is one thing, but if you keep the door open, not only your friend but criminals can come right in and it would be all your fault.

@Very confused human

No, such is not normal in Japan. However, Japanese men can arguably be more shy or less direct about wanting sex than their Western counterparts or with Western women. If you are interested in the guy, and know him enough to understand his personality, you might want to clarify if sex is a possibility between you and him.

Another element to this is if the Western woman is being too coy or traditional about a sexual relationship, in addition to the Japanese guy being shy. You then get 2 people doing some strange dancing around the issue.

If you are not being setup to be robbed or worse in the middle of the night, then this strange request could be a way to introduce the possibility of sex. As the request is quite dangerous, it is probably better that you clarify or let him know whether or not he can ring the bell and sleep in the same room with you.

That is, if you trust the guy and believe he isn't actually creepy, criminal, or worse. If you don't feel comfortable about the guy, especially about the request he is making, then completely break off contact with him.

Yes I too found this whole incident strange.

The two guys I mentioned in my post do not know each other at all.

I have already told him I'd rather not do this because it feels too weird and creepy, and we can just meet normally in the morning after I wake up instead.

Japan might be safe but it's not that safe. However, you could also be right about it being an invitation for sex, which I rather not do, and I've explained it to him before, so he might still be holding onto hope.

Thank you all for your responses and advice!

@Very confused human

In thinking about this, I'm wondering what are the ages of the Japanese guys that you are dealing with?

The sexual antics or almost encounters of high school and college age Japanese can be odd by adult standards or those older than 22 years old. Leaving the door open can make some level of sense, in the context of their lives because such behavior is so unexpected and Japan being a safer than usual country. In other words, since nobody is looking or expecting open doors, some young Japanese might try or get away with such antics.

While leaving a door open wouldn't work in most situations, there are some where it could, such as:

1) The person is living in a large house with their parents

Can be a situation where the parents ignore what their daughter does (particularly if she is 20 or so) or they "give her" a section of the house for her privacy. As such actions as leaving doors open is so unexpected, it's something not factored in.

2) Share house

The multiple rooms and people can create a sense of security, so such unexpected behavior is uncalculated. In addition, there can be a kind of willful ignoring of certain things, to allow for the privacy or sexual behavior of others.

3) Dormitory

Depends on location, if possible. Here too, doing the unexpected, allows certain things to go unnoticed.

4) Mansions (in Japan these are just large or slightly more expensive apartment complexes) that can have security camera systems.

In the context of Japanese style mansions and depending on type, because there can be a security camera at the front, that is already a strong deterrent. So somebody leaving side entrances or doors open would be completely unexpected.

If these are younger Japanese guys, there is the possibility that they were in such situations or engaged in that type of activity. Now that they are out of high school or college, they might not have recalibrated their behavior to that of more normal working age adults.

The other calibration is not adapting to talking about sexual relationships openly. Though this is not just young guys, this can be a major issue for young women too (sometimes more than with guys). Thus the guys can create a scenario that is giving shy young women options and/or an understanding about what is going on/wanted, but being indirect or in a roundabout way.

In the future, as a Western woman, you might want to factor such things in. So that guys are more clear about if there is any chemistry going on and the possibility of sexual relations.