Wedding "half" invitation

Hello all,
I have been reading other posts but looks like I am the only one wondering about this...

A friend of my husband is getting married. He has invited my husband, but not me, although he knows me in person.

Is this normal? I mean, in my western homecountry my husband was always invited to the weddings of my friends together with me, because it is very strange to invite only one member of a couple. Even if they knew he could not take holidays to go to my country at that time, his name was written on the invitation card!

Another thing is, a few months later I heard I "was allowed" to go to a party afterwards, paying some 6000 yen for dinner and drinks. What kind of party would that be? Will be the ladies wearing dresses like for the wedding ceremony or more casual? As I am not being literally invited (I have to pay myself for the entrance), am I expected to give any gift (money or present)?

Thanks in advance.

It's quite common for only one of a couple to be invited to a wedding and to go alone. The people attending the ceremony are the ones expected to give the money gift.

If you go to the "wedding party" afterwards, the 6000 yen in your case is all you have to pay. Dress would be fairly formal- not bridesmaid style dresses, but you are usually expected to dress up nicely.

I get the idea, thanks a lot, Sira.

Sira is right. It means that they couldn't afford to arrange a seat for you on the official and boring banquette, but that you are most welcome to the more fun and casual buffet party. I think "allowed" was a simple mis-interpretation. It was probably more along the lines of "It's okay for you to come as long as you're not uncomfortable with the guys."

I'm afraid that in Japan, people not always go out in couples especially when meeting colleages or old friends. It is also very difficult to choose the guests for wedding banquettes. You have to invite your boss and relatives, and you'll have very few space for friends. I myself ended up leaving out a couple of friends that were as close as the ones I invited. On another occasion I was only invited to the afterwards party of my husband's friend's wedding just like you, and the bride-groom sincerely appologised to me for not being able to invite me for the banquette, but I didn't think that the appology was necessary.

This may be nothing to make a big fuss about, but I just thought I'd post this since I came up with something better.

"Allowed" was probably a mis-interpretation of "you are FREE TO come".

The afterwards party is usually more for "us younger people" rather than the V.I.P.s. A cocktail dress might be appropriate.

Thanks, Uco.

Well, that party is only from 16:30 to 19:00. Not much time to get drunk ;)

I will reconsider going there, maybe it will be funny after all, but still far away from the overnight parties I've been before :)

I have to get a cocktail dress, then...

Greetings

I wonder if AI needs to wear a cocktail dress...
This afterward party seems what we call "nijikai (lit. 2nd party)" and we often wear more casually. Maybe T-shirt & jeans are not appropriate but a simple dress or blouse & pants will do.

You are expected to pay your fee (6000yen in this case) as this afterward party is organized by couple's friend not by the couple themselves. And when it's over, newly-wed often excuse themselves but friends move to a different place to continue party or do karaoke etc. (called "sanjikai - 3rd party")

From the viewpoint of the newly-wed, it is tiring to stay in the party until late as many of them leave for the honeymoon in the following morning.

JLady's right. It doesn't really have to be a cocktail dress. I just happened to mention it. The idea is that a lot of the guests will be coming directly from the banquette, therefore all dressed up, so you might want to join in the fancy mood.

And the reason it lasts for just a few hours is because they can't book the place too long. Usually guests find other friends in the party and go some place else later. In your case though, you may simply want to enjoy a date with your dressed-up husband :)

Ha ha, certainly, my husband looks really nice in a formal suit ;)

Thanks all for every comment, now I feel much more secure about this.