Marriage and Career Questions

Hello,

My name is Casey, and I have a few questions that need to be answered. It would be very greatly appreciated. Everyone on this site has been so nice to each other...and honest about answering questions. I like that a lot. Well anyways, here are my questions:

I am 20 years old, going on 21 in February, and my fiance` is 32 years old. She is a Japanese citizen, who lives in Tokyo, Japan. I had a career in the United States Air Force as a Fire Fighter. And I have decided to give it all up for the one woman I love. You see I have always liked to date older woman, they were much closer to my mentality & maturity level than most girls my age. So we had some decisions to make...would she come live with me in a nice home on an Air Base anywhere in the world? Or would I come live with her in Tokyo, Japan? Start a fresh life, as she would do for me. I live in the United States, and she obviously lives in Tokyo...so we decided to meet for the first in my country...spend time together and null things over. What I decided to do, was give up my career saving lives, and most definitely move to her. She could then keep her career as a "Free Lance Designer"...which she loves, and stay close to her friends and family. I want her to be so happy to be with me, so I wanted to keep her in the place she knows and loves, Japan.

I have no problem with it also, but I want to make sure that I will be able to find work in Japan. I here that it can be difficult without a Bachelors Degree...and that is exactly what I do not have.

So here are my questions:

Will I be able to find work??
Will I be able to make a career our of it?
(To support my future family with her.)
And will I be accepted by her parents because of the age gap and career gap?

The father was very worried I would not be able to find any work, since I am so young, And as well as not going to a University. But I want to get a degree when I become a full-fledged Japanese Citizen.

Will It all work out for us??

I belief in my heart, that we can overcome anything. As long as we work together, and stride for success.

Thank you very much for any responses and advice I may receive.

~Casey S.

P.S.- I do not speak Japanese yet, I am learning very quickly though. I study every day, and am sure that once I am in the (Japanese Element)..I could learn much faster, and apply what I know in real.

Again, Domo arigatoo! ;)

We met over the net, actually on Myspace. I was interested in going to Japan, and making new friends before I go. So I started talking to many people who lived in Japan, about EVERYTHING Japan! So we were friends for a few months, getting to know each other, and we had really grown to like each other after a while. We had Web-Cams so we could talk to each other, as if we were next to each other. After a few months of talking more seriously and respectfully, we decided to meet in person. So she flew to me, and we spent 6 nights together, and that was it. I knew there would be no other. So I proposed to her in a beautiful setting. And she accepted me, I felt as if heaven was shining down on me.

So we have been speaking to each other for about 6 months. And we have a definite sense of each other, and how we would like our lives to play out...together. ^_^ .

Just wanted to add that to the mix, so anyone who reads this, does not think we are crazy.

Domo arigatoo,

~Casey S.

CaseyShingledecker,

You should really trawl through the forum archives here, as similar questions crop up here regularly. Without a university degree, you cannot get a work visa, so your only choice is to get married first, and then move to Japan on a spouse visa. This allows you to work freely, and you should not have too many problems find work (teaching English) even without a degree, but I don't think the typical income of an English language teacher would be sufficient to support a family unless your wife also works. While teaching English in Japan is great if you are young, free, and single, it is not something most people would consider as a long-term career.
Whether your large age difference is an issue for your fiancee's parents is something you will have to discuss and resolve yourselves. No one here can answer that for you.

Finally, like many first-time posters here, you casually mention getting Japanese citizenship before you have even set foot in the country. Your first goal after getting married will be to get permanent residence in Japan (not citizenship), and this takes at least 5 years. Becoming a naturalized Japanese is a long-winded process that even most long-term residents don't opt for. Focus on your more immediate problems first!

You do know that there's a Air Force base in Tokyo, right? It's called Yokota. I know you can't pick and choose which base to go to but there are ways to increase your chances of going there. You could volunteer for a tour in Korea (I think it's 15 months) and then they'll give you priority over others on your base of choice. It's still not guaranteed but you'll have a very good chance of going there.

And why would you wait until you're a Japanese citizen (probably won't happen) to get a degree? You can go to college for free with the GI Bill! Starting next year, they'll pay for tuition AND give you rent money. Don't waste it, bro.

Honestly, I think you're too young to get married. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend before? It's completely different than chatting online.

The previous posters have given very good advise.

I might start with why old, older people like to give advice. Advise is knowledge one has gained through experience, the school of hard knocks. People like to give to others, and advice may have cost the giver dearly to begin with, but does not cost to share. And if it benefits a nice person or family member then the giver feels good. I might add collage education is much cheaper than the school of hard knocks.

First I would like to state �gBen there, done that�h. The difference is my wife is 1 year younger than myself. If you decide to live in Japan you should know yourself. By that I mean you will be really be close to neighbors and her family. Sometimes family and friends would come over, and if we were not home, they would come in and watch TV until we arrived home. You must keep music, and the TV turned down so not to bother the neighbors. Little kids would occasionally play on my old car. It ran but the kids and parents knew it was a clunker. I could not say anything so to be polite. The closeness is more than most Americans can take. Do you like to work with your hands? In America, I built my own home, barns, etc. did all wiring, plumbing, linoleum, tile, etc. I had a farm, where I repaired all my own machinery, rebuilt engines, welded trailers, and repairs. I heated with firewood, which I cut. In Japan if you need carpentry done you hire a carpenter. If you need your car repaired you hire a mechanic, etc. You have a job, which you do. You may have one small hobby like collecting coins, sewing, etc. but nothing major. Do you like Enka, or jpop? The music and TV are different. Do you like to hunt and fish, which there is little in Japan.

You have some advantages being 21. One being you can learn the Japanese language easier. It is almost impossible to learn a foreign language when you get older. It is very important to your happiness to learn the language. You also have time to get a collage education. Maybe a two-year degree would suffice. I was unable to get a job in Japan due to lack of collage, so I had to bring my wife back to the US so I could get a good job. I believe, and my family has always believed a man should support his family. The woman should not have to work if she has children. Housework and kids are a very big full time job.

It would benefit you to take a 30 day leave, if you can, and go there and stay with her family to see what it may be like to live there.

I know that time is every ones enemy. I am sure she wants a family, and now. She is 32 and time is running out for her. But you have an obligation to yourself and her to make the correct choices. I wish you well.

I really appreciate the advice. I will be better able to determine what it is, that I will do.

Domo arigatoo,

~Casey