japanese birthday card

i am trying to make a japanese birthday card for a friend of mine in japan.

could someone check that this reads correctly please?

thanks :

http://img53.imageshack.us/img53/4073/presentation1z.jp...

If it's meant *for* Hitomi-san, I would put the "Hitomi" at the top with "-san" attached to it :)
ひとみさん、誕生日おめでとう

Actually, I kind of like the version of the OP's link. As a whole, along with the font and starry background, it looks like a scene from a manga or anime, and the word order with the name at the end makes it look like a poetic quote. Quite heartwarming, I must say.

I like the looks of it, I admit, but just for a split second, and maybe because it's written vertically (like on the covering on on top of gift boxes in Japan), it looked like it came FROM Hiromi, if you know what I mean, Uco-san :) though of course it must be meant FOR HItomi.

thanks for the replies - please can you check my final version.

i can confirm the recipient is Hitomi.

thanks again.

http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/9040/presentation2z....

I definitely like it :) Sorry about being fussy over the word order - I'd like to hear what Uco-san thinks too :)

I like the first version better. It has a more quiet, warm and poetic atmosphere, but whichever is fine. It's just a matter of preference.