Left-handed host- possible to imitate?

Earlier I wasn't thinking twice about not knowing dining etiquette. I was planning to just imitate my host's table manners.

However, I just found out that my host is left-handed (from her daughter, my x-roommate). Will I be facing difficulties in trying to imitate her table manners?

I am quite surprised to find out that my host is left-handed. Isn't it rare for a Japanese person to be left-handed?

Then why not immitate your right-handed ex-roommate? Anyway, you can't really help being left-handed.

Then why not immitate your right-handed ex-roommate? Anyway, you can't really help being left-handed.

Unfortunately, my x-roommate won't be coming with me as planned due to job responsibilities.

I have always thought that most asians (including Japanese) would be converted if they are left-handed.

Why would it cause you trouble to imitate a left-handed host? I grew up with two left-handed parents (I am right-handed), and it was never an issue for me.

You are not expected to hold the chopsticks in your left hand if you are right-handed, and I can't think of anything else that would cause an issue really- eating in Japan isn't that complicated and is mostly a matter of common sense.

Beware of enormous generalisations like "most Asians"- that covers a large number of countries and several billion people! Do you expect things to be the same in Mongolia and Thailand as they are in Japan? You are talking about a huge range of cultures there.

And no, as in western countries, it is not common to "change" a left-handed child here any more- my Japanese sister-in-law, who is in her mid 30s, is left-handed, and there was no attempt made to "change" her.

I thought that the OP meant that, for example, if the host uses the same hand as she, it would be easier to have the host teach her how to use chopsticks and such.

Anyway, if it can't be taught, so be it. Ask for a fork or whatever you think is necessary.

Also, up to say about 40 years ago, children in Japan were indeed encouraged to be right-handed. This is quite practical as there are few left-handed-scissors and other devises available in the market. But nowadays people just leave it as is. Besides, it's not actually a "conversion". Those who were originally left-handed, simply learned to use their right hand, but not exactly surrendered their left hand skills. So in other words, they can use both hands and would use their left whenever they think it's more comfortable.

Why would it cause you trouble to imitate a left-handed host?

Because I am unsure whether certain things should be done with a certain hand or if the same etiquette applies to left and right handers. For e.g. If she places her right hand on her lap, should I also place my left hand on my lap? (I am unsure myself)

it is not common to ''change'' a left-handed child here any more- my Japanese sister-in-law, who is in her mid 30s, is left-handed, and there was no attempt made to ''change'' her.

I knew a left-handed Japanese person who (now in her early 20s) was forced to be right-handed.

OT: That left-handed converted to right-handed Japanese person told me that in Japan, if a husband found out that his wife is left-handed, he could use it as grounds for divorce.

Her reasoning made me come to the conclusion that left-handedness would almost be non-existent in Japan.

If she places her right hand on her lap, should I also place my left hand on my lap? (I am unsure myself)

Huh?! Now I completely don't know what you're talking about. Have you talked to your ex-roommate about this?

That left-handed converted to right-handed Japanese person told me that in Japan, if a husband found out that his wife is left-handed, he could use it as grounds for divorce.

Of the 40 odd years of being Japanese and have seen left-handed female Japanese relatives grow up and being a Japanese wife for 22 years while living in Japan, this is the first time I've heard anything like this. No wonder she was forced to be right-handed! Have you talked to your ex-roommate about this, too?!

OT: That left-handed converted to right-handed Japanese person told me that in Japan, if a husband found out that his wife is left-handed, he could use it as grounds for divorce.
Her reasoning made me come to the conclusion that left-handedness would almost be non-existent in Japan.

I wonder how old the person who told you such a thing is?
Must be very old or someone who has been away from Japan for quite a long time.

There used to be some tendency in the past to try to "correct" left-handed so they'd use their right hand to write and to eat, but not any more.
And I've never heard that it could be a cause of a divorce.
(I'm a Japanese national born and bred in Japan, by the way.)

Being unsure whether what she said was true, I decided to search it.

This is what I found:
http://molly.kalafut.org/lefthanded/lefthanded.html

"Only a few decades ago in Japan, left-handedness in a wife was sufficient grounds for divorce."


I wonder how old the person who told you such a thing is?

only 22, has been away from Japan most of her life. Her parents & grandparents were the ones who told her.

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No wonder she was forced to be right-handed! Have you talked to your ex-roommate about this, too?!

No, I haven't but I do wonder why her grandparents allowed her mum to be left-handed (especially back then in the 50s!)

If she places her right hand on her lap, should I also place my left hand on my lap? (I am unsure myself)

Huh?! Now I completely don't know what you're talking about. Have you talked to your ex-roommate about this?

I am imagining the situation when I am eating with chopsticks. My left hand wouldn't be doing anything. Do I put my left hand on the table or on my lap?

My x-roommate has told me a lot, not to rest the chopsticks into a bowl but rest them on top of the bowl not pointing towards anyone, using the top/clean side of the chopsticks when taking food for others & many others. I am unsure whether I could remember to apply them all in practise. Also, there might be situations I wouldn't know how to behave appropriately.

Jenny,

Well, not everything you read on the internet is accurate. Anyway, being curious, I decided to search the Japanese language internet, too, and all found was a couple of posts saying that some German document says the same thing but it is unheard of in Japan.

As for the lap thing, you are not expected to know every Japanese custom to begin with. Why not simply ask, "Am I supposed to put my hand on my lap like you are doing? Should it be the right hand or left hand?"

Btw, my understanding is that whenever you rest your chopsticks, you are to rest it on the hashi-oki, but forget what just wrote and enjoy your meal. You're just a visitor. Not a person who's coming to take a cultural test of some kind.

Jenny,

Let me put it this way. Do you think your ex-roommate's mum will be happy to know you are so nervice and puzzled about the meal? I think not. I'm sure she's expecting you to be relaxed and have a good time with her, and that's probably what the invitation was all about. Take it easy.

I agree with Uco san- you do not have to get everything right, and your hosts will not be offended if you put your hand on the table- things are not that strict here!

I guess I am puzzled because if I was imitating something a left-handed person did- making origami for example, I would just watch them and then use my hands in the reverse way, and I don't see it causing me any problems, but maybe it's not that simple for some people, I don't know.

Also, the "left-handedness being grounds for divorce" thing sounds very suspicious to me- my Japanese husband says he has never heard of such a thing either.

Anyway, don't over-think every aspect of your trip- do you know that when I first came to Japan (1995), the internet was not yet in wide spread use, so I came over hardly knowing anything about Japan, yet...somehow I survived and did not offend anyone seriously!

Treat it as an adventure and leave some things up to chance- you will have more fun that way.

Don't worry too much. If you force yourself to be lefty just because your friend's mom is lefty, you rsik to make her wonder you are mocking her. I understand you are trying to be polite and respectful, but Japanese are not creatures from outer space:) Relax and be yourself. I am sure she will know (or already knows) your good personality soon enough.

You're just a visitor. Not a person who's coming to take a cultural test of some kind.

Thanks for reminding me! :) Ater all I am not marrying any of her kids so I guess I shouldn't be worrying.

Will be leaving tomorrow. If I find anything interesting during my visit, I will update next week!

I just realised something. Being Japanese, I can say that for more than a century, it was common for a man to know his fiance well enough to know whether she is left-handed or not. To say the least, for more than 6 decades, marrying someone you've never dated has been unheard of among Japanese couples in Japan. So if being left-handed is a problem for marriage, the couple would have separated before they ever got married, therefore there won't be a divorce since there's no marriage in the first place.

One never knows if some very minor region in Japan had been following some unique custom, and of course, there are various parts of the world like the Islamic community where your left-hand is limited for certain usage, but it's totally mis-leading to say that being left-handed could have been a reason for divorce "in Japan".

Just thought I'd throw in some logic.

What I meant to say is that the things your friend(?) mentioned are not common in today's Japan, so there's no need to worry about your manners during meal.
(I'm sure you'll be surprised to find people in a very relaxed manner most of the times once you are in Japan!)

Just one small thing:
not to rest the chopsticks into a bowl but rest them on top of the bowl
You should use the chopstick rest (hashi-oki) whenever it is available.
If you want to follow the traditional Japanese table-manners, it is a big no-no to put your chopsticks on any of the bowls or dishes.
But once again, people do not care too much about it except on a very special occasion.

You should use the chopstick rest (hashi-oki) whenever it is available.
If you want to follow the traditional Japanese table-manners, it is a big no-no to put your chopsticks on any of the bowls or dishes.

I messed up the first time. Lefty's daughter placed her chopsticks on top of a bowl (horizontally) & imitating her, I did the same thing. However, I quickly noticed that Lefty placed her chopsticks on the hashi-oki so I followed suit.

Also, up to say about 40 years ago, children in Japan were indeed encouraged to be right-handed. This is quite practical as there are few left-handed-scissors and other devises available in the market. But nowadays people just leave it as is.

That's what my host Lefty told me too. Lefty even owns left-handed knvies and left-handed golf clubs.

Lefty was shocked when I told her I have several friends born in the 80s who were forced to ''change'' by getting their left hand tied behind a chair or getting their left hand hit by a ruler. Lefty brainwashed me that trying to change a left-handed person is wrong.