long distance relationship

Instead of wondering about his feelings and the future, the next time that you talk to him, you should ask him directly. Sorry about getting the webcam and all that. You spent your money on this and now he isnt even making it worth it.

I'm currently on a LDR with my Japanese boyfriend. He's working in Tokyo and I live in Australia, I'm not Japanese, but I'm Asian.
we've been in this relationship for nearly 2 years. It was very tough at the first time, because we're suddenly facing a totally different situation. Then, we decided to use online phone & webcam through Skype to stay in touch and it works pretty well most of the time.

We had quarrels so many times because of misunderstanding and not knowing each other's situation, moods and especially insecure feeling about the future. Since I can't speak Japanese and he also just started his work, it's very impossible for me to live or work over there at this moment.

Last Christmas and new year I spent my holiday to visited him for a month, and he took me to meet his parents. It went quite well and I feel much better after I saw him again and knew his family, but communicating with his mother was very difficult.
Afterall, my boyfriend showed me that he is serious with this relationship, and I can tell that he's trying hard to make a way for both of us, and now, I have started my Japanese class for some weeks and I feel really good, because somehow I am making my way towards him too.

I have one friend from my country who were studying Japanese for 2 years in Tokyo and now she's working in a Japanese company. She found her job from the international career forum. Well, at least it shows that there's a chance for non Japanese to pursue their career and live there! Well, maybe female won't be able to build their careers as good as in other western countries, but at least it doesn't leave us with the ''housewive- forever'' choice only!
Many friends and family asked me whether I really want to live or work in Japan one day, then I thought, I know what I want, I want to live with someone I love, thus I wouldn't be so happy either if I had a great career but no love.

I really wish the best for those who're still confused about their relationships, hopefully you guys can choose the best way that you guys won't regret one day.
Know what you want at the first place, then be consistent and work hard for it.
Sometimes we can't make everybody happy and we can't get everything we want, but love needs us to sacrifice is true.

Good luck :)

I've been there before, the problems with communication etc.
That time, just after my bf went back to Japan, I missed him so much, and I wanted to hear from him all the time. We agreed to use webcam and Skype, he even set them up for me before he left.
But after sometimes, he'd only talk to me through Skype or use the web cam only once in ten days! and rarely talk to me on MSN. I was so upset and dissapointed too, thinkin he's not appreciating my effort nor love me anymore. Then I told him about my feeling and expectation, that I need to communicate with him more often. At first he thought I was too demanding, but then he could understand and tried to contact me more often. But I should've understood his situation at that time too because he's busy for job hunting.
Now he contacts me everyday. Eventhough he's busy in the office, at least I'd get one mms from him.

So, Yuki, I think you better tell him how you feel, and what you want. But don't get too dissapointed if his reaction isn't good enough, try bit by bit, ok.. it takes patience and time.

In love as in war, to bring matters to a close, you get close together.
Napoleon

i have been with a japanese girl for like a year and she left to go back ot japan about 2 months ago and i didn't think it would work this long distance thing but it takes a lot of effort but we are making it work but there are some down sides we never had an argument whle she was in japan but now we have an arugment like everyother week but they are over silly little things to make things better we send pictures every day of each other which helps cause i get happy when i get the email of her picture in it. i would get a web cam as well because it is a good way of talking to your friend.

4 hours on a train is not that long really you can see each other every few month if he really likes you and you really like him you should feel you would do anything to see him, i know i would do anything to see my girl friend but we have to wait until next summer time:(. when you are apart you should try to always think good thoughts never get your self down.

i hope i helped you

love
luke
xx

Well, I am going to Japan soon for a couple of months. This long distance thing is killing me. He is more loving now, calling me on the phone and saying he loves me many times. I am thinking of mentioning marriage to him. I can't bear to be apart from him again. But I am afraid of his reaction. He might get scared and run away or something. I know most men are not usally much into marriage. And we really haven't been together for long..

Yuki, I am in the same situation as you and also I will go to Japan next June. Good luck

Wow, I'm quite surprised that so many people here got a bf/gf in Japan.

I'm in a ldr right now with a Japanese guy, it's hard, but the whole thing began with long distance, so maybe it's easier. I'm going to Japan in July, so I just wanted to wish all you out there who is in a ldr.

There are hard times, but if both of you really care for each other, fight for it, make it work!

Is it normal that we only comunicate about 3 times per week? I will be in Japan in 3 weeks and I'm starting to feel it's going to be a mistake.

Well, I don't know if your bf works now or something. But 3/times a week is okay I think. It's like mine relationship, since my bf is a salaryman and busy busy busy. But he tries hard to keep contact and that is what matters.

But of course it's hard, since we talked everyday before he began working.

If things doesn't feel good, try to talk to him about it as soon as you can.

Wish you the best.

I know that long distance relationships can work! I am a love immigrant - met my husband online and moved from South Africa to the US to be with him. That was more than eight years ago and we are very happy. Was it easy? Not at all! But as in any relationship, it took a lot of hard work and we are really happy.

I put together a website for ladies who have been in an LDR and opted to pack up their lives in their home country to move to the country of their partner. It's called Hummingbird Hearts and I would like to invite you to visit at www.hummingbirdhearts.net. It outlines the pros and cons of an LDR and includes success stories.

Good luck to all of you in a similar situation. It really can work!

Bluebonn

well having read this i think those of you whos LDR worked are so blessed....
i came to tokyo to be with my ldr gf..
we had kown each other for 4 years , i would e-mail her phone 3 times a week call every 2 weeks,write letters send cards and presens...so after planning this for 4 years came here...
only to find out tha she had lied all the time, she is seeig at least 1 married guy for 5 years and i suspect 2 others..plus the ones tha aint married and much younger guys, as she said there wil be times i wont talk about my male friends, she sees nothing wrong in affairs with married guys if it is what they boy want or if it is in secret, and then would contradict herself.
she has 1000`s of male friends is very popular an a huge flirt guys just fall over her to give her there details..thogh she is very forward nad asks the guys out...im guessing...
i feel like a fool and a failure for falling madly in love wit her and she knew i was...but kept telling me she needed more time and was confused, yet would go to any bars in shibuya or roppngi with me..she knows her married bf wont leave wife for her, and the thin that broke us up was when she whispered 2 guys names in bed..whos names i saw accidentally in her schedule book, ( one of whom is her new boss)so when i told her this she assumed i was implying she was sleeping with those guys and that was 7 weekes ago ..she has blocked my e-mails to her phone and email address, she sent me a e-mail saying that i didnt trust her and that she had tried hard enough to make me understand her , yet chatted for 3 hours online before this happend, and said she missed me, and to call her back later, so when i did i heard her having sex..ie, heavy breathing and some guys voice saying something in japanese, she said she cant do what she wants and doesnt see anything wrong in what she does,
i am still in love with her , havent been back to tokyo since this happened asi am elsewhere for interviews for now, she is moreof one of the guys than the girls, yet it os so eas for het tp pick up the guys. i cant get any answers to this ..or get closure..half of me wants her back and the other half of me wants answers...this has ruined everything for me here..not in mood for one night pick up bars in shibuya/roppongi..as didnt get to see an bars there any way as she wouldnt take me there...
we talked a lot but the guys on her mixi site know her more intimatley than i do..

so my story may serve as a warning i hope...i am trying to move on but to be honest i cant..and i am sruggling to focus on the simplest things..my emotions are all over the place..

i feel like a fool..to try and set up a new life here with someone who isnt really looking for a commitment...so anyone reading this please dont tell me i am a idiot..i already know i am for trying or trusting her...i feel bad enough..

to those whos LDR works ..i am extremely jealous..and wish you nothing but happiness..

that is a really terrible what hapapened to you my2cats .. i'm not in ldr now but i have a lot of friends there, japanese which i will visit soon..
anyway dont give up,look forward^^ each day is a new destiny : )

well by boy...if shomeone telly you they want a bf but also a secret bf ( ie. cant be trusted) and then says they can be faithful to one bf
what are you supposed to think??...
she wanted to know how she can prove she is telling the truth..but had many secrets..wouldnt talk about her male friends...in case i got jealous..and alwyas avoided taking me to bars around shibuy/roppongi etc..

so in e-mail she sent me it basically said i didnt trust her...even though i knew she was seeing her new boss and another guy..
i still love her..as we got on really well ( i thought )

my heart is broken badly and i cant get over it ..she really cant see what she does is wrong..but as long as she keeps the affairs secret she thinks its ok...

she is really attractive and has always had guys drool over her so getting the guys is easy for her...everybody on her mixi site knows her better than i did and that upset me as she said she couldnt talk to me about her feelings ...

i am not sure if i can face goinf back to tokyo as i know i would want to go to see her...where she takes her dog for walks..i knnow that sounds silly..but i dont know what or how to keep going...
i regret not saying more to her about a lot of things...as communication is key in relationships..but she would just shut down and not say anything or refuse to talk..

what can i do..has anyone else been in similar situation...i would appreciate the help...

Wow, I am glad I'm not the only one in this sorta relationship. I am a chinese girl (24) working in London. I met my boyfreind (25) (who is now working and studying in tokyo) here in the UK and have been dating for over a year. A few months into our relationship, he decided to go back to Japan to persue his career and studies. He didn't want to break up and persuaded me to make things work. I was a bit worried at the beginning but things have been working out really well. He manages to call me everyday before he goes to work and we webcam every sundays. I have been to Japan to meet his family freinds twice and he has been to london to visit me and my hometown (china) to meet my parents and freinds. We still dont know where we will end up eventually. I cant speak Japanese so it will be difficult to work in Japan, though I would love to live there. We are still keeping our options open and our love grows stronger every day. Trust, communication and respect are the main ingredients to a sucessful LDR. Forget flings and 'occasional' realtionships. It'll just make the situation even more complicated than it already is. Good luck !

do long distance relationships ever work? im starting to think no. my guy is in tokyo and at first we dicided that we were going to be together forever and that was that. then the communication came less and less and he is just distant whenever we do actually talk. i have never believed in long distance relationship, but i love this boy & in all actuality i have never felt so intense about one person. so im trying & its still not working.

is there some magic way to make it work?

if i get less and less communication from him ... then i will just drop it.

any advise is appreciated

Thanks again to all of you, sharing my initial sorrows with your kind comments and own experiences.
Breaking up a week after planning for monthes with wedding and all this. Never thought it to be like that, never wanted this to happen. Now I feel so empty. Anyone who
was able to get back the loved person?

Of course LDR can work out! I know that it's different from other "normal" relationships out there, but it doesn't mean that it's impossible.

One thing that is very important in a LDR is that both parts are serious and want to have a future together. You shall know that one day you could at least live in the same country.

Then there is trust and communication. Since communication is the only thing that keeps everything going. It can be anything, a small message, mail, skype, msn. You name it. A mic and a webcam is good to have.

Me and my boyfriend are working hard to make things work. We always "plan" for our next meeting and talk as often as we can. Even though he is a salaryman, he does try to just chat a bit everyday (dead tired though).

All I want to say is, if both parts are really serious about each other. Things will work out.

Good luck!

Like Suki, I believe that the idea of leaving in the same country is a great factor and motivation in a LDR. Somehow, thinking that one day you and your partner will be sharing the same bed and breakfast is enough to give you strength to overcome hardships.

LDR is not hard, but it is a great test of love and character.

I meant "LDR is hard, but it is a great test of love and character"....my bad.